028 – Awaken Beyond Attachment Styles with Felicia Isabella

028 – Awaken Beyond Attachment Styles with Felicia Isabella

Awaken Beyond Attachment Styles with Felicia Isabella

Join us for an enlightening conversation with Felicia Isabella, an Energetic Mentor & Intuitive Coach who supports impact-driven individuals, heart-led leaders, and conscious entrepreneurs.

In this episode, Felicia shares her wisdom about ANXIOUS & AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLES, and helps us navigate the path of awakening and intentional reality creation with her unique approach emphasizing “direct experience,” guiding you to connect with your inner sense of knowing, body wisdom, heart intelligence, and higher guidance. ‍♀️✨

Topics we cover: The basics of attachment theory and its importance in relationships Common challenges in attachment styles A powerful process guided by Felicia to help you become aware of your tendencies, witness your true essence and return to a sense of security

Don’t miss this transformative episode that meets you in the shadows and leads you to self-liberation. Tune in now!

#Podcast #NewEpisode #FeliciaIsabella #EnergeticMentor #IntuitiveCoach #Awakening #IntentionalCreation #AttachmentTheory #SelfLiberation #HeartIntelligence #HigherGuidance #ConsciousEntrepreneur #PersonalProsperity #UpliftHumanity

Felicia is offering listeners a guided journey that takes you out of a state of tension (anxious, triggered, overwhelmed) and into a readiness state for miraculous creation. You can think of it as receiving a deeply transformative 1-1 session…between you, your Higher Self, and Source/God/Universe
Guided Journey (Fear-to-Love)
Journeys are a 60-minute guided audio experience
Link:
https://www.feliciaisabella.com/offers
Coupon Code:
RADICALLOVE
$97 (normally $111)
https://www.feliciaisabella.com/offers
https://www.instagram.com/feliciaisabella.iam/
https://www.feliciaisabella.com

Episode Transcript

Kelli Russell | 00:03.616

Hello, welcome to our Radical Enlightenment podcast. I’m so excited to introduce Felicia Isabella, an energetic mentor and intuitive coach. Felicia supports impact-driven individuals, heart lead leaders, and consciousness entrepreneurs to navigate the path of awakening an intentional reality creation with the least amount of resistance. Her approach is rooted in the principle of direct experience, where she intuitively guides people into connection with their own inner sense of knowing, their own body’s wisdom, heart intelligence, and higher guidance. She brings ancient wisdom into modern-day frameworks where individuals learn to engage with life from awakened states of consciousness and use their business or craft as a vehicle to uplift humanity while opening to new depths. of personal prosperity and realization of our true nature. Welcome Felicia.

Felicia Isabella | 01:05.431

Thank you. I’m excited.

Kelli Russell | 01:09.433

I met you at an event and I was really excited to speak with you because you dive into attachment styles and systems therapy. And as we move through our conversation, we’ll have tips and tools that people can use in their own lives in the way that they relate to themselves, they relate to their loved ones, and even to their business. So we’ll have some really juicy tidbits for you to integrate into your life. So let’s just talk about the basics. How did you get into that? Why did it seem so important to you? And what are some of the things that you’ve learned? what’s your understanding of it?

Felicia Isabella | 02:02.434

Okay, here’s what I’ll say. So I feel that I was actually guided into this. It wasn’t something that I was initially aware of. I had started down a self-development, self-healing path. And at the time I was, you know, taking in everything I possibly could. I was participating in a healing art school. I was both learning and doing the exploration on self around developmental trauma and how to repair these misdevelopmental needs. And so through that, it led me to attachment system repair because they’re so interwoven. You cannot have one without the other. And so I’ve done a lot of work in that dimension as well. I use a modality called the adult attachment repair model. which is somatically based. And what I love about this is it goes so far beyond theory and concept, it goes into direct experience. So having gone through this process and used this particular modality for about like six plus years now in my own body, in my own life, getting support and also using this model with others, you start to learn it inside and out and you start to see a huge range of… how people’s attachment systems express and how they’ve actually been hardwired to feel safe and secure in relationships not just with people but with um other elements of life time money health all of these things we’re in relationship to.

Felicia Isabella | 03:52.384

I’m going to touch on this lightly and I’ll tell you why. There are really beautiful maps that we can use around anything. And so if we’re talking about attachment system repair, there’s a lot of maps out there that will point to generally two types. So if you’ve heard of attachment system repair, you’ve probably heard of avoidant and anxious. And this is a really, really good starting point because what it does is it starts to take us out of an unconscious state. sort of habituated way of operating in relationships, and it starts to give something a name. So when we can name something, it starts to pull us out of the experience and give us a higher vantage point to actually be able to acknowledge what’s happening inside of us. So initially, to diagnose ourself as avoidant or anxious can be supportive, just like any map can be supportive. until we get into the direct territory. So when I’m actually working with a client, We’re not even necessarily diagnosing whether they’re anxious or avoidant. We’re letting their body talk and do it for them. But just to give an overview, anxious is going to express more as like, I’ll go to the root underneath it. If there’s a caregiver, because attachment system has to do with how we bond, how we’ve learned to bond and how safe or unsafe. that actually felt. So if we’re looking more at anxious, it means there’s a caregiver who maybe wasn’t present all the time. Maybe sometimes you could trust that connection, affection, emotional attunement, soothing would be there. And other times it wasn’t, and it wasn’t dependable. Or maybe it means that the caregiver had a very high level of anxiety or a nervous system that was caught in a sympathetic charge. And so that level of anxiousness translated then to the child and created a feeling of a lack of security or stability. So that can create an anxious attachment. And then avoidant is when it actually gets to the point of where, because every child has a natural impulse built in to reach for support, especially when they’re overwhelmed or triggered in some way, because the adult body. and heart and nervous system is actually meant to bring co-regulation so that two bodies can process and digest the experience of the child and help the child develop the ability to self-soothe as they get older. So in avoidant, it’s like when that impulse to reach out for soothing connection and help digesting experience doesn’t get met enough times, the impulse to reach will actually freeze and turn into this feeling of like, it’s too painful to stay in the reach that’s not met. So I’m just going to like, turn it off and be like, I don’t have needs.

Kelli Russell | 07:04.824

No one’s coming for me.

Felicia Isabella | 07:06.525

No one’s coming. And then we turn into an adult. And the moment other people have needs, this is where the anxious avoidant dance happens. It’s like a mirror. of their own needs that became unconscious and suppressed and pushed down. So often if an anxious attachment system hits the system that expresses as avoidant, there’ll be an aversion. It will feel like gripping and pulling and needy. Yeah, needy. Exactly. Because there’s been a suppression and a disowning of their own level of need. That need actually exists in the avoidant as well, but it’s just suppressed. what expresses is the top layer, which is like, I’m fine. In fact, that’s too needy. I’m walking away.

Kelli Russell | 07:55.834

Yeah. I recognize myself in that.

Felicia Isabella | 07:59.275

Yeah. It’s good to see. It’s good to initially and be like, oh, okay, what am I expressing? Because at least that way, it’s like, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything about your character, who you are, your identity. It’s a strategy that is expressing because there’s frozen need. And then the anxious as well. It’s like when the reach is left open and on and it hasn’t gotten suppressed, that’s really painful too. And it doesn’t mean anything about the character or the goodness of the person. It just means that that need is still looking for repair, a reparative experience so it can settle.

Kelli Russell | 08:42.190

And with the anxious, it sounds more like intermittent. affection and attention was given. Is that correct? So they can’t count on it, but they’re getting little tidbits here and there.

Felicia Isabella | 08:52.435

Yeah. And again, it’s not a direct science. I think that’s why they use the term attachment theory.

Kelli Russell | 08:59.259

Okay.

Felicia Isabella | 08:59.859

What I found is it’s like, it’s a doorway. So we might start with like, okay, I’ve kind of self-diagnosed. I’ve read a lot of material. Someone might come in and be like, here’s what I know about myself now. And it’s a really, really great doorway in. Because at least then what that does is it starts to remove the sort of top layer barrier of this mind stream that wants to go deep into meaning making or problem solving and gets caught there. If we start there, it’s a doorway to be able to say, yeah, this is the type of attachment style I’m operating through. Now, how does my body actually express? that rupture in attachment? How does it express so that we can get in there and actually offer reparative experience? So we can do that in session. with a practitioner. You can also begin to start doing that with yourself if you prefer more of a solo practice. But when it comes to attachment repair, there will be a time when it requires another person, another mirroring or imprint of what it actually feels like to digest something without battling or fighting against ourselves, like digest the hurt of unmet need. And then also it’s difficult. It can be difficult or challenging to receive a new imprint of what it actually somatically feels like to be met, to be embraced and held with tenderness and support if we haven’t received that. So we can begin to access it, but it’s much easier if we give ourselves a mirror of that that can actually signal to our body. through another being where it lives in us, what it feels like, how we can offer that to ourselves. So both pathways are really relevant and beautiful. Because let’s say you’re working with somebody, and you’re getting the reps of the imprint of what was missed. Now you go to your life, and you can use choice. That’s where the solo practice comes in, in a really, really big way, is are you choosing in the moment?

Kelli Russell | 11:21.475

to feed an old pathway unconsciously guided through an insecure attachment system right are you pausing recognizing we have choice and feeding a different way of operating yeah and are there any different styles besides the attachment avoidant i know there’s the secure which is like the healthy style but beyond that are there others i

Felicia Isabella | 11:45.854

can tell you i honestly don’t know the name for it but i know there is one that expresses more mixed So it will sometimes tend towards anxious or sometimes tend towards avoidant. I’ve also noticed that in relationship dynamics, typically one partner will be more anxious and one will be more avoidant, but they’ll flip-flop. So if somebody goes into one, it will kind of organize the person into the other one and then vice versa. So there’s an interesting polarity that happens with it. And it’s… It’s the perfect expression of one is conscious, the other is unconscious. Whatever is unconscious in one person, it’s probably going to be the conscious one in the other person.

Kelli Russell | 12:29.074

Wow. I look at that like the discordant dance that we do, like when we’re stuck in maybe some negative experience with a partner and it’s like, you say this and I say that, and you say this and I say that, and this is the little dance that we play. And then when some… one becomes conscious and aware and they want to work on themselves and do some self-growth, they might pull themselves out of that discordant dance. And then the other one goes, well, but aren’t you going to say the thing you always say? This is the time when we do that thing. And then they will pull you back in by making their expression greater, pulling you in deeper, saying something more outlandish to pull you in. So I can see how that imbalance then switches because they’re like, no, you need to come back and do the thing we always do.

Felicia Isabella | 13:17.840

It’s so true. It’s the phrase that I’ve always given to that as reenactment.

Kelli Russell | 13:24.445

Yeah.

Felicia Isabella | 13:25.166

Enactment cycle. It’s like a loop that’s left playing and it’s not left playing to generate suffering. There’s a reason why it replays. It’s there’s something there that’s trying to get met. So let’s say like we can call it the media expression. reaches for connection. And it’s, there can be intensity in it because the herd behind it is real. So that intensity of need comes towards somebody and they’re not prepared or they’re in their own child self and don’t have the capacity to meet the need. It activates, right? It activates their child. And then both people end up in their child reenactment of trying to get the need met, but can’t. The avoidant person in this case would end up once again in the place where there’s the shutdown. This need is too intense. It reminds them of their own need that was too intense that had to be shut down. And it plays out. It’s really just it’s trying to complete itself. It’s a developmental stage or several stages that are just trying to complete themselves.

Kelli Russell | 14:29.079

And they don’t. They don’t complete themselves until at least one partner evolves out of it. If one person does it, they can change that discordant dance. But if both remain unconscious or in that stuck phase, I don’t see that ever changing.

Felicia Isabella | 14:49.486

Yeah, I found it comes down to choice. I think, and there’s two ways it happens. It either gets so uncomfortable. uh that it will prompt deeper reflection yeah uh it kind of prompts a search to find out what’s going on like if somebody finds himself repeating the same relationship over and over and over and over again even though it’s a different person or a different place a different time in their life it can reach a point where it’s like you almost cannot point the finger anymore yeah

Kelli Russell | 15:23.445

Like something’s got to change because I can’t keep doing this. And then they go on the self-growth journey.

Felicia Isabella | 15:28.687

That’s it. And it doesn’t have to get to that point. I really found that. I think for a lot of people, that is what happens. But now that there’s such a prevalence of information, it’s becoming more and more mainstream. It’s becoming more normalized to self-reflect, to explore personal development, to explore awakening and deep inner healing. That it’s doing something. It’s really doing something. We do not have to get to the point of dark night of the soul in order for there to be a shift that occurs. I really, really believe that.

Kelli Russell | 16:03.504

Right. It could be even more powerful when you’re already in a pretty balanced state to continue to do those deep dives in personal growth to expand to new dimensions.

Felicia Isabella | 16:16.427

Okay.

Kelli Russell | 16:16.768

So I thought this. It’s easier to understand a relationship to even our own children or our romantic partnerships. But how does this relate to our work? How do you see this playing out in the work dynamic?

Felicia Isabella | 16:32.404

This is a conversation I love so much because we really can’t separate the two. I think it’s so common when we hear attachment system, we immediately go to a relationship. And that’s huge. That is a huge part of it. But if we really consider what a relationship is, it’s, yes, it’s between people. And yes, we can go for like intimacy. So we think of partnerships. And what if we start thinking about elements and things of our life too? Because if it really comes down to it, we’re in a relationship with every aspect of life. We’re in a relationship with ourself. We’re in a relationship with… Yes. health. We’re in a relationship with time, right? How many of us can pause and look and have something to say about what our relationship is with time? So there’s often emotional charge correlated with these different things. Work is another big one, especially if you’re really getting clear on what your purpose is, or you’ve created something really beautiful and on paper, it looks incredible. but you’re finding yourself feeling unfulfilled or attracting the wrong people or, you know, what are, what’s the charge that’s there? So if we look through the lens of attachment, the attachment system, we’re starting to widen the view and include like more of reality here. So when we acknowledge that we’re in relationship to all of these things, which then by extension include people. um include clientele or include um um a gym membership more include you know include all the practical tangible things um yeah when we’re starting to feel into that relationship we widen the aperture of awareness and we become available for um more to be brought to the surface to be seen and not act in the unconscious Because that’s often what will keep us stuck is the unconscious. And then on top of that, a layer will come in, which is, we can call it like the battle or the fight with what is. And that’s what will keep the reenactment happening. When we’re looking at our life experience and we’re fighting with it, we’re saying, I don’t want this. It’s a different feeling to be in the fight and resistance with what’s happening than to find neutrality and acknowledgement. that something’s no longer aligned, choose and orient to something else. Those energies are extraordinarily different. Absolutely. That’s what I found.

Kelli Russell | 19:25.290

So if somebody were in an avoidant style, how would that show up in their work?

Felicia Isabella | 19:32.295

Oh, that’s good. I’m trying to think of a… still, it’s like they blend so much. I’m trying to think of a solely avoidant experience.

Kelli Russell | 19:48.093

I think like, I think I might have an example because sometimes in my life I will offer, like at times I’ve had different businesses or different offerings and I’ll offer it out to a group of people. And then if it’s not met or received with people that want it, I’ll find myself shutting down or just being like, well, that didn’t work or just feeling bad about myself or feeling insecure about then my purpose. Because if somebody doesn’t partake, then I’m like, well, I guess no one wants it then. this really sucks. And there goes through that pain period. But then after the pain period, it’s almost like a pushing away where it’s like, well, fine, then I don’t need you. And then that doesn’t do any good in business. That doesn’t help anybody out. So in ways, I think I got stuck in my own path when my offer wasn’t met or received well, maybe I changed tack too quickly, or I gave up too fast or. I found myself being resentful that people didn’t want it. It felt sad, you know? Do you think that would be an example?

Felicia Isabella | 21:01.519

Yeah, and this is something that’s really common that happens. One thing I see a lot is like somebody will go through a launch. Yeah. More to what you’re describing. And I’m sure, I mean, I know, from the little I know of you, I know you have a wealth of knowledge and experience and you have such a heart that’s like here to share. And I found that, especially with a lot of entrepreneurs who are bridging the world of business and entrepreneurship in their personal lives with these really incredible offerings and the heart of service. So the thing I see repeating a lot is there’ll be a launch period. There’ll be something that goes out. And then depending on what happens, it will trigger a very particular part of the self. So I found… if we nuance what’s happening, it gets underneath anxious and avoidant and actually goes down to the needs of the parts. Like what is the need of the part that is being activated or reminding, reminded of something that happened or happened or didn’t happen many times through childhood. So for example, I was working with somebody recently who was expressing something similar to me. Yeah. there had been beautiful offerings and it was attracting people who actually didn’t get it, like couldn’t get it. And the way that was impacting her system is that it was like an aspect of her wasn’t being seen. She was putting herself out there in these really big ways and she wasn’t being seen. So even though in that moment, it wasn’t necessarily personal. It may have been that the people who were coming in didn’t have intentions that were actually aligning with what she was offering. It could be that they didn’t have the capacity or it wasn’t the right time for what she was offering. It’s like we could go into the nitty gritty, like the practical top layers. But what was happening is that there was impact. And whenever there’s impact and there’s emotional experience, I’m getting curious about that. Because there’s something in that that is reenacting the kinds of people who were coming in, who either weren’t, it wasn’t landing, the material wasn’t landing, or they were walking away from it because it didn’t feel like a fit. And top layer, you could get in your head all day about that around like, okay, I’ve got to change my strategy. I’ve got to change my verbiage. I’ve got to shift my launch strategy. I’ve got to all, here’s like the bitch of it is that. all of those things have relevance. So we can’t negate it, but it’s caught only in that. And the piece underneath doesn’t get addressed. It doesn’t matter what strategy you use. It doesn’t matter what platform you’re on. It actually doesn’t matter what you do or where you’re going. If the energy that is sourcing that action is coming from unmet need, reenact. keeps happening. So the exploration then becomes, in this case, it was going beyond the story of what was happening in present day and getting with like, how does that actually feel without having to find out why, where it came from, any of that, how does it feel? And it was, it’s like the emotion that was coming up was frustrating, really frustrating. And that’s, that was it. We start with that. So then it’s like, okay, let’s let frustration express. And often it’s like, there’s certain emotions that have been permissioned. culturally or in a family dynamic and certain ones that have not. So if it’s uncomfortable to be in anger, let’s say, or if it’s uncomfortable,

Kelli Russell | 25:03.989

not allowed. Yeah,

Felicia Isabella | 25:05.551

exactly. Pop back up to the problem solver and go, how do I change my strategy? What do I need to do with my strategy? What can I do different? But it’s still being sourced. Part of self that’s had an attachment rupture. So what we actually discovered is as we got underneath the frustration and the anger, and we started naturally, there was grief that came to the surface. We were available to create a reparative experience. So in that case, it was being together. And in that moment, I had the capacity to rest in my own adult self rather than a child and be present for this part. that was expressing as a child and the other woman and give it a space to move through the depth of the emotion and then to find that she could both experience that emotion and also feel love and connection because in the moments that there’s something playing out with a practitioner and a client the unconscious expectation if there’s a child and the practitioner is that the client becomes the adult and they can They can’t. And so it reenacts. But if you take that feeling, somebody in container, where they can rest and be with you and actually bring an imprint of I see your part. Yeah. Welcome to express here. I can get with you. We can be with it together. And I can also view through that and see the aspect of you that is more than your part that is capable, that doesn’t need necessarily. That doesn’t need like a launch to go well, to get clear in the system that like you have innate worth and gifts that are here that are not dependent on how it goes. What happens is these gifts get woven or bound with parts that have unmet need. It will bring gifts to the world, but then apart. It’s trying to get a need met still. And it will be on high alert for anything that resembles what it’s gone through in the past. And then it hijacks the system and makes it challenging to create something different. So if we go sort through all that, come back to the part itself, underneath the strategy, underneath what can go different, underneath how we can say things different. We get to the part and come to a container where we can get a reparative experience. where somebody can be the adult and actually help guide the child into the experience of their own adult self, their expression of heart, even their soul, and create the receptivity for the soul knowing to come through to pour through the body, and then to connect back to this greater field of intelligence. The way we move through the world is going to be a lot different, at least energetically. And here’s the interesting thing is You might do, and I’ve seen this before in my own life and with my clients, they might do a launch the same exact way. The same exact way. But if they’ve worked the piece within themselves, suddenly different human beings are showing up in their reality. Yeah. So it’s wild. And sometimes the impulse is to do things differently, to, yeah, like choose a different platform or something like that.

Kelli Russell | 28:41.947

Because then you are slightly different. You’re maybe massively different after that experience.

Felicia Isabella | 28:47.071

That’s it.

Kelli Russell | 28:47.792

When you say like, so for that person, there was frustration underneath that there was grief. And then there was an opportunity for the therapist or the facilitator to hold space for that feeling that was suppressed or repressed to be expressed, to see beyond the symptom to the beauty, the beautiful essence of the person that’s beyond all this stuff outward. And then you mentioned love. Is it the love of the facilitator that they’re feeling? Or is it you’re connecting them back to the energy of love of the universe? Speak a little more on the love.

Felicia Isabella | 29:33.030

The more I’ve gone in, in my own experience, and been mirrored by others who could bring acceptance to whatever my experience was, the more recognition I feel in my own being of this love. acceptance, embrace as an aspect of who and what I am and who and what each of us are. So if I’m sitting with another, I’m bringing awareness to what they are rather than needing them to be a certain way, be a certain way. That’s it. So it’s like dropping into a space and self. that can view and love both the part the inner child and the other who didn’t get what they needed and rather than um subscribing to that as an identity or to be like sad for yeah it’s more like getting with the reality that something was painful something hurt and it’s okay Because even that is held in a greater expression of love. And they already are that. So when I’m sitting with someone, even when there’s something really heavy coming to the surface, I’m not often like being massively impacted by that thing in a way that makes me feel drained or like deeply, deeply grieving. Because when I’m looking, it’s not all of who they are. Right. We can hold the view of their also this expression of love and their unique essence and this part that’s been hurt. It’s like holding up a mirror to their truest expressions that they can find the bridge to it. It’s not doing or forcing or needing them to be different or anything. And I’ve also tasted your work and I feel that through you. You hold that presence so beautifully. that creates the space to not make a person feel like they’re wrong. Or all of like, like that’s an identity that they’re broken in some way. It’s holding up a mirror to see more of what’s already here. And when we do that, it’s like it creates the space for the painful experience to metabolize. And when it metabolizes, what’s left is the expression, the true expression of self.

Kelli Russell | 32:16.236

And then once that has shifted and it becomes conscious, that’s when you have the choice. Because when it shows up again or gets triggered again, and it will in maybe a subtler way or a way that, you know, some time will go by and you’re like, oh, there’s that thing again. We can move through it faster, recognize it easier, remind ourselves of the truth of who we really are underneath it all and have a whole lot more fun here on Earth.

Felicia Isabella | 32:43.956

Well, and I’m glad you said it too, because there really is choice. And when it feels like there’s not, all that means is that there’s a little more tending to do with our young ones. That’s it. And it’s like, where are the containers? And we’ll talk about practices too.

Kelli Russell | 33:00.785

Yeah.

Felicia Isabella | 33:01.426

Tenderness. And then when we have that, it creates space where we can recognize, oh, I have choice here. I actually have choice. I can choose something different.

Kelli Russell | 33:11.760

in this moment rather than feeling a victim to experience repeating yes let’s get into that so what are some things or maybe you know one or two things that that we can do that we can take with us as

Felicia Isabella | 33:26.786

a process of your teaching that can impact our lives in a powerful way yeah awareness is the biggest tool we can possibly have and to simplify this um you In this moment, like just to do, can we do a quick practice?

Kelli Russell | 33:46.685

Yeah, let’s do it.

Felicia Isabella | 33:47.505

Okay. So this is something that you can do on your own. And we like to overcomplicate things as humans, I found. So we’re going to keep it so simple. So in this moment, and forever, whoever is listening, just go ahead and close your eyes. And just think of something today or this week that… brought a little trigger in that made you feel like a little overwhelmed, frustrated. And as you’re bringing that in, that feeling, notice, are you thinking of the circumstance? Are you thinking of the person who triggered you? Are you thinking of that thing in your life that made you feel uncomfortable? And all we’re going to do is move from awareness on the other person or the thing and turn back towards yourself. And rather than this being something to figure out, you can simply set the intention of viewing self. And awareness is intelligent in its own right. So it will guide you to whatever you need to notice. So again, to simplify, notice, do you go directly to your mind? And do you feel that your mind is sort of going a million miles a minute? Whether you can decipher what thoughts are there or not, do you just feel like you’re in your head? Like you’re in your head, you’re caught in your head. And if that’s the case, you can say, oh, I’m in my manager. I’m in a part of myself that lives in my brain that knows how to be in the incessant stream of thoughts. I’m in my manager. You name it. For some people. The moment we turn awareness towards the self, you might become aware of an emotion. Some emotions are more protective, some are more vulnerable. What if neither of them are wrong or bad? Can you say, there’s an emotion here that I’m present and aware of? Can you even name the emotion? For some of us, we’ll go directly to our physical body or even our subtle body. The moment we invite awareness to be with self, to look back at self, we’ll start to become aware of sensation. Maybe you feel tension in your neck. You realize your shoulders are tight and pulled up towards your jaw. Maybe you didn’t realize you were holding your breath and suddenly you’re becoming aware of that. And if we’re speaking about sensation, for some of us, it might be What body? I don’t feel a body. I’m halfway across the room right now, already checked out. That’s a sensation. You may notice the sensation of numb. Can you name it to yourself and say, oh, part of me is experiencing numb, or part of me is experiencing anger. A part of me is experiencing managing all of my thoughts, problem solving. And then come back, bring your eyes open to the space. And notice after naming what part of you is most alive, if you actually have a little more distance from your experience. Like is there anything else here that feels a little more relieved or like there’s a little more space to be able to name? the part of us that is present and experiencing without it being the entirety of our experience because if we can name it there’s something else here than whatever was happening there’s more room for it to digest and breathe and the experience of charge might still be present It’s not about trying to make it go away. That’s often what we’re conditioned to do is we feel something uncomfortable or we see a life circumstances is uncomfortable. We just want it to go away. So we’ll unconsciously be fighting it. This hacks the system. The moment we can turn towards self, see the part that’s active. It’s like we’re starting to soften the fight with self.

Kelli Russell | 38:33.127

Yeah. The resistance.

Felicia Isabella | 38:34.808

That’s it. Yeah. So now we can be with it. and create the environment that allows it to begin digesting and metabolizing. And here’s where choice comes in. As we’re metabolizing or digesting it, and we’re starting to, here’s a good question to ask is how am I relating to this part of me? How am I relating to it? And we don’t make it wrong because we’re probably going to find that we’re not very happy about it.

Kelli Russell | 39:02.829

Yeah. So I noticed like I felt inadequate and then I was irritated by that.

Felicia Isabella | 39:08.546

Yes. So,

Kelli Russell | 39:09.466

and so then what do I do with that?

Felicia Isabella | 39:13.728

So we keep getting bigger than it, the bird’s eye view. So you said you felt, um,

Kelli Russell | 39:19.852

you felt inadequate. And then I felt irritated that I was feeling that way and I didn’t like it. So I saw it, but then I’m still left feeling like I didn’t allow the space for that to be met with openness or acceptance. Cause I was like, Ooh, I don’t like that.

Felicia Isabella | 39:37.958

This is so good because there’s layers. So you’re bringing in something we all experience. So rather than needing to make acceptance happen, we go out a bigger layer. The intention is awareness. In this case, acceptance will happen naturally. But if we keep coming back to awareness, so you just named it, you named, oh, irritation is here. there’s a part of me that’s irritated so we just got bigger than irritation now so notice that feeling of irritation it’s okay that it’s here it’s a protection yeah right to be irritated with an uncomfortable situation brings back some level of control over self or over a situation so it it worked as a means or a mechanism to help navigate life when there may not have been another option available So it’s bringing, yeah, it’s bringing like an honoring to irritation. It’s like, thank you, irritation, for being here. Like, so glad you’re here. And then if something else comes in that’s like, that’s like, you know, you go bigger than that. Again, if something else is like, sure, you know, why would I? Then you go to that part. You go, oh, what does that one have to say? Like, cool. Bring it in. Bring it in. Every single one you invite and welcome in. And eventually, once they’ve gotten enough taste of like, wait, I’m actually welcome here. They soften on their own. You’re just getting wider. And if we hit a place where it feels like we can’t go wider, that’s a cue to go sit with somebody who can bring acceptance to that one too. And show us what it’s like to be bigger and including that one as well.

Kelli Russell | 41:27.396

Wow.

Felicia Isabella | 41:29.377

That’s kind of good practice.

Kelli Russell | 41:30.798

And it seems, it seems like just being super open and curious, inviting that part in with curiosity first, releasing resistance to it, welcoming it in. And then it’s interesting because I guess I would phrase it, well, what’s underneath that? What’s underneath that? What’s underneath that? But yours is kind of like, what’s bigger than that? What’s beyond that? Is, is that it? Is that the framework is like, Hmm. Or can the space be bigger that we hold that? Is that what that means?

Felicia Isabella | 42:01.334

Yeah. It’s like, where are we looking from? Where are we looking from? Because going to healing, we’ll be looking at the self from another part of self that wants us to change. So we’re trying to heal from a problem solver. Yeah. That problem solver has an underlying need to be met with acceptance and warmth. or even just awareness and curiosity. So if a problem solver is trying to heal the self, it’s going to get so far, but it’s going to hit a limitation because if a part of self is running the show, that part may have the perception still of separateness, and in separateness, there’s an inherent suffering. So in order to heal in these depths is to bring awareness to… all parts of self until we’re resting as this field of awareness itself. And when we’re resting as the field of awareness, it’s like nothing can stay in separateness. It cannot remain the same. By its nature, it sees itself and recognizes that it’s not a solid, independent, separate identity, but it’s included in this whole field of awareness and energy. and it returns itself to balance and harmony so healing to me is not necessarily something to do it’s something to allow and we get curious about where we’re resting and viewing from and in that case it’s kind of like well i’m irritated by that and it’s like and you’re welcome here too that’s it and then okay

Kelli Russell | 43:46.414

well how do we move through that okay problem solver you’re welcome here too that’s it and then the welcoming becomes bigger and bigger Until it’s all okay.

Felicia Isabella | 43:57.053

That’s it. And eventually we have enough capacity to feel more safety in our body. Yeah. And when we, it’s like the more we open and include, open and include, open and include. I love that. We’re resting in a place that actually has choice available. We’re intuition is streaming through and guiding action where we’re available to take more risk. And, um, why is that the risk part?

Kelli Russell | 44:29.739

Yeah. Uh, because you know, underneath it all, you’re going to be okay. So it’s like, all right, if I try this and I fail, everything’s going to be okay.

Felicia Isabella | 44:38.586

I did, uh, an exercise before where one individual would, um, allow themselves to feel like an infant, like a baby and, uh, one person would hold the role of a adult. and just staying as open and present and loving with them as possible. And what you watch, there’s this natural unfolding, the one who’s embodying their infant self or their baby. First, you get to learn about what it was like for them. So some babies will like look and look and look, and then they’ll look away for a second and need to come back. Right. And so you learn. But if you stay with them, there’s a repair that starts to happen. The person expressing the infant eventually will get to. Like we’ll trust that every time they look, somebody’s there. And so they’ll start to explore their environment. And you can just feel like the awe in their face. They’ll start to like touch things and play with things. And so when we feel secure in ourselves, which we can find that security through repairing our attachment system as one doorway, security with others, security with self. There’s a natural drive. There’s like an intelligence that brings us into that exploration or risk or adventure, following the impulses that might not be normalized culturally that are coming from more of a soul expression or something like that. But when the body is safe, we’ll take more risk when we feel safe within our relationship to other or to self or to source. we’ll take more risk. It’s like the leaf that grows on the tree. It just does it. It goes.

Kelli Russell | 46:30.598

Because your home base is with you. So wherever you travel into other places, your center is with you and you feel safe there. So it’s not dependent on other things to be a certain way for y