7 Questions to Ask Yourself to Become More YOU

Finding your way back to Radical Authenticity

In tribal cultures, if we were too different, or behaved too far outside of the group’s norms, we could be ostracized, exiled, or even killed.

In our families, we learned certain “ways to be” to stay on the good side of our parents to avoid punishment that was doled out or love that was withheld. Stepping in line was necessary for our survival.

We grow up, but the fear we experienced and the way we had to mold ourselves to please others became ingrained, stifling us, preventing us from being our fully expressed selves.

We may uphold a fictitious image by exaggerating, pretending, telling white lies, or not saying things about how we feel or think to avoid conflict. The cost is that our relationships may become phony and shallow, lacking real connection.

So how do we get back to Radical Authenticity so that we can form real relationships?

Here are some questions to ask to become more YOU:

• If I could truly be myself in front of others without fear, what would that look like?
• For example, would I be more talkative because I’m not worried about saying the wrong thing? Or less talkative because I don’t have to prove that I’m smart?
• Would I dress differently or change my hair or appearance? If so, how?
• Would I have different friends or a different job? If so, what would they be like, and what job would better suit me?
• Do I pretend to be a certain way to be acceptable in relationships? If so, what are the ways that I pretend?
• If I show up as my true self and I’m not liked by my friends or significant others, are they true connections?

Showing up as ourselves weeds out the ones who don’t accept us, which can be scary, but it invites others to truly see us, increasing the likelihood of REAL connections.

As we show up as our authentic selves, we will most likely experience some changes in our relationships. We will find those more like us or those that are more accepting of differences. Either way – SCORE!

We’re so lucky we live in this day and age. A great thing the digital age has brought us is the ability to find and connect with different groups of people all over the world. If we don’t connect with those in our area, we can find others online who align! We may feel so connected to a different group or culture that we may choose to move there. Opportunities and possibilities abound!

P.S. Here’s a good article about the myths and realities of finding “your people”.