Podcast Episode 010 – I’ve Always Had Enough, But Never More Than That – Session Interview – Kelli & Crystal

In this episode, Crystal and Kelli discuss the dilemma of focusing your energy on doing what you’re good at when there is a need to do what most challenges you. We also look at dividing and conquering with your partner, and we release blocks to abundance. We figure out the root of her abundance block and repattern the core childhood belief preventing her from having more than what she needs. She discovers what having more would truly mean for her life, the world, and others.

Kelli Russell: About / Work with Kelli
Kevin Russell: About / Work with Kevin

Radical Enlightenment
Rapid Transformation Sessions

 

TRANSCRIPT

Kelli :
Welcome to Radical Enlightenment everybody. Today I’ve got Crystal with me.

Crystal:
Hello.

Kelli:
Thank you so much for joining me today.

Crystal:
Yeah. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Kelli:
We were talking a little bit beforehand to see what we would be discussing and what the focus would be. And you’ve got some business changes, perhaps on the horizon. You have a company called Crystal Clear Kids and Crystal Clear Nutrition. And lately, you’ve been feeling really drawn to get more focused on working with Crystal and Rainbow Children and helping spiritual moms that are on a path with their work-life balance. Being a professional person, along with raising amazing children. Do I have it right?

Crystal:
Pretty much. Yeah.

Kelli:
So you have some plans to move pretty soon, but experiencing a bit of roadblocks and you’ve noticed that you had this belief that you got from a little kid that it’s okay to have enough. You’re always going to have enough, but not more than that. Let’s start there. What would happen if you had more than that? What would that mean? More freedom, more independence, more flexibility?

Crystal:
I think more expansion. I pick a word every year, and in 2021, my word is expansion.

Kelli:
Now let’s look at the dark side of it. So if you always have enough, but never any more, what adverse consequence or what negative thing might happen if you had more? What’s the dangerous part of that? Maybe this was a message you got as a kid. What would happen if you had more? What’s the bad part of that?

Crystal:
The thing that I keep hearing is what’s your plan and what are you going to do with it? And when I hear that, I think to myself, that’s ridiculous. Why do I believe that? Because the universe is abundant in all ways all the time. And so why do I believe that I have to have a plan on what I’m going to do with what I have?

Kelli:
Was that the message you got as a kid like you always have to have a plan. What’s your plan? What’s your strategy? What are you going to do next? What’s next? Let’s get more specific, though, about having more. Okay. It’s okay to have enough. But if you have more, what would be the downside of that? If you were to look through the eyes of your parents that gave you that messaging, it would be wasteful.

Crystal:
It makes me emotional saying that. Okay. Yeah.

Kelli:
Why is that?

Crystal:
So my dad passed away when I was little, and it was just me and my mom and my brother and he died in a car accident. And so she went to school and became a nurse. And I was always really proud of her for doing that. But she took really good care of us. We didn’t have all of the fanciest things, but we had enough. And it was very much like eat the leftovers. We had a garden, which was beautiful. She found us really healthy. I’m very grateful for that as a part of my healthy foundation. But she was very frugal to a fault almost. And I find myself having habits like that that I won’t spend money on something, even if I probably do need it, because I think, well, that would be wasteful to buy that, or that would be wasteful to buy extra, because I can just use what I have. Well, part of that is very practical. So it might take a hard look to say, well, is this actually the reality like, maybe I don’t need extra. Maybe I don’t need that now, or is it faulty logic?

Kelli :
Think about the last time you felt that way about something. Looking at it now with a different perspective. Do you feel like you actually really did need it? Maybe you did.

Crystal:
I’ll give you a great example. So we just went away this last weekend to Utah, and when we travel, it’s kind of like, okay, well, should we rent a car or just Uber? What’s the easiest? And we decided to just Uber? Well, had I fully thought through it, we desperately needed a rental car. When we were on the ski trip, it was difficult to not have one. But my thought was, why spend the money on a rental car? Because it’s a couple of $100 when we might not need one. And it bit me this very last weekend was trying to save money because the trip before that, we just went on a couple of months ago, we didn’t need one, and we had one. And so I was like, okay, well, I’m going to save the money this time, and we’ll just make go anywhere.

Kelli:
That’s not faulty logic. That makes sense. Because you had an experience in which you didn’t need it. So this time you said, wow, I’m going to base it off that last experience, which is what our brain does. It wants to plan. Right. And you thought, Well, let’s just take a gamble that we might not need it, and we might be able to save some money. Unfortunately, the reality was different. So was it the weather conditions or it wasn’t in a location that was easy or what changed about this trip?

Crystal:
It was both. I didn’t forward think about the fact that we weren’t flying out until 09:00 at night, and we had to check out at 11:00 in the morning. So we were stuck with all of our ski equipment and snowboard equipment. And to get from the place where we are staying to the mountain to go ski was just everything ends up not being a disaster. We worked through it, and I just took it astride, but it definitely felt uncomfortable.

Kelli:
Yeah. Interesting. Because now we’re going back to what’s your plan? And what are you going to do with it. Right. And so this is almost like resistance to the planning part of it.

Crystal:
Yeah, I can see that.

Kelli:
Was it because you’re like, we’re going on vacation? I want to fly by the seat of my pants. I want to enjoy my time. I don’t want to plan every minute of our trip. What was that? Where you missed a good ten hour chunk of the day where you’re like, oh, shoot. We’re not going to have a vehicle for 10 hours. Where did that come into play?

Crystal:
I just want to enjoy myself and not have to think about the details too much or what it’s a little bit of when it comes to the planning of any of the trips that my partner and I go on together. From booking the tickets to the rental car to the accommodations, it’s all on me. And I just feel a bit overwhelmed in that. Like, why do I have to do everything? Why do I have to plan all of it? And rather than having that vulnerable conversation, which we don’t have a problem having vulnerable conversations, I just kind of push it to the side and deal with it. And then inevitably, if something like this happens and it did the last time that we went away, just like I said a couple of months ago, it just didn’t go as smoothly as it could have. If I would have had the conversation on let’s cocreate and plan this together rather than leaving it all on me to manage everything.

Kelli:
Why did it go down like that? Why not a conversation to co-create? Why take it all on yourself?

Crystal:
I know it’s something that he doesn’t like to do, and I don’t necessarily mind it for the most part because it doesn’t take long to do. But I guess in my train of thought of that, I want things to go smoothly by not having the conversation. It doesn’t go smoothly.

Kelli
Yeah. But then also, the way you described it a little bit ago is like it was overwhelming. It was too much. I plan everything. I have all of it on my shoulders. But then in the next statement you said, but I don’t mind. It’s something that I like to do.

Crystal:
Well, no, I don’t mind. I just don’t like going down into the nitty, gritty, finite details because I recognize within myself that I’m a creator, and I’m really great at starting things. Yes. And then I don’t always finish everything. Okay.

Kelli:
So with your partner, I might guess that your partner is really good at the details. Yeah, because we often match up with somebody. We’re on the same team, and I’m holding my fingers. What would we call that? Not quite interlaced, but the fingers lined up, index, index, middle, middle ring, ring pinky, pinky. We’re meant to match that way. It’s like we have this experience where one of us has these attributes, and the other one has the duality. The other side of things. But then often I’m holding my fist together now, like knocking them together. It’s like, why can’t you be more like me when actually we’re perfectly matched? It’s really beautiful. So this may be drawing it back to your business. Now you’re a forward thinker you probably will leap first and then figure out the details if needed. On the way down, you can see the big picture. You’ve got the big ideas, and probably the beginning of projects are really exciting. And then you need some type of partner. That’s really good. Now at bringing up those details.

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli
So have you had that in your business? Have you had a collaboration with somebody that can do those tiny little details?

Crystal:
Yes. My partner, we are both business partners and life partners. He’s pushed me to do a lot of back end documentation, detail work.

Kelli:
Wait, why?

Crystal:
From starting the business, why has he pushed me to do it?

Kelli:
Why aren’t you doing the big idea stuff?

Crystal:
I am doing the big idea stuff.

Kelli:
And the partner who’s good at the little details does the little details?

Crystal:
Yeah. So when I created a ton of the stuff that I created, I came up with the ideas and down to the outlines, everything that was needed. But then all of those small details of different booklets and workbooks and all of those things to complete the full project, he pushed me to do all those things. And I remember at the time this was a year and a half ago, I was like, Why are you pushing me so hard to do all these little things that to me don’t seem like they’re required or they’re really needed. And now, of course, I’m very thankful for it, because I go back to all these documents that he pushed me to create, and I’m using them and reusing them and repurposing them. So, yeah, we do complement each other really well in that way. And so I’ve learned now to absolutely trust when he’s pushing me to create something that at the time I might not see as important to just trust it, because now I’ve gotten the last time I heard the message, and then when dividing and conquering, that just wasn’t something that he could take on his plate at that time, because what I think is like, we can force ourselves outside of the box to do what we’re not good at, and we can expend a lot of energy doing that.

Kelli:
But we’re at our best when we’re focused in our wheelhouse, when we’re focused in our own lane, doing what we’re amazing at, that’s when we’re going to super exceed any task. So we really slowed down. And it’s almost like a down shift when we’re focused on where we’re not intrigued and where we’re not good. So that’s where it would be really good to team up with a partner who can do the heavy lifting where they’re good rather than forcing you to do that thing. You know what I’m saying?

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli:
There was some book about the Beatles as a rock band, and that band works so well because each of them had a different thing that they were wonderful at. One of them was really good at PR with the public. One of them didn’t want to deal with the public at all, but would put his head down and do the work and the necessary things. This one’s good at this. And this one’s good at this. And because of that, it’s just brilliant, right?  It flowed. So that might be something to consider is really divide and conquer with your best, where your skills can be the most highlighted, the most useful, and in the most flow rather than downgrading into something that is not as intriguing or in your wheelhouse. All right. So I always had enough, but never any more. Because if I had any more, it would be wasteful. And if you had more, you would have freedom and independence and expansion. Some of this idea, I always have enough, but never any more. That’s a finite world. And it’s scarcity, right. Or it might be seen like if I have more than I need, that might mean somebody else is getting less. Or it might mean if it’s going to waste, right?

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli:
Now it wouldn’t be going to waste if it was going towards freedom, independence and expansion. That seems like it would be going to really good use, right?

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli:
Can you see ways in which if you had more, you would be frivolous and wasteful? Do you see that happening?

Crystal:
No.

Kelli:
Would  your mom would have been a person that would have done that?

Crystal:
No. And she still isn’t to this day. Yeah. So it’s not wasting. There’s not a waste that’s happening. It’s not that there’s superfluous resources coming in that would have to be thrown away, discarded, unused or taken from others. It would be used for freedom, independence and expansion.

Kelli:
And the things that you want to do in the world are helping people, helping others. They create even more health, elevation, expanding consciousness, mental health, spiritual health, physical health. Everything you would do with that be so powerful. I have a lot of tools in my toolbox about how to change these beliefs, but sometimes it just takes an agreement that you make with yourself. Just recognize the faulty logic in that I’ve already poked holes in it in so many different ways. You told me before. You’ve already addressed it. Many different avenues. I don’t know that specifically. So there might just be an agreement you make with yourself. Like, maybe I can just finally put that to rest. I remember I had this in a yoga class one time where I felt I had been wronged in some way. And I did some healing work around it, and it was still bothering me. And I was like, maybe I could just let that go. And then I did a few yoga poses and time went by, and I was like, yeah, I’m pretty sure I have it within me. I’m pretty sure I know how. And I’m pretty sure that I can just let that go. I think it’s possible. And then I did a few more yoga poses, and I was like, yeah, I think I’m just going to let that go. And then I waited a little more. And then I was like, yeah, I’m going to let that go. And then I said, I think I just let that go. I had this conversation with myself over 20 minutes, and I was in a moving meditation, and I was like, yeah, okay. And then finally I did it. It took a recognition that the possibility existed, that it could be done. It was possible. I’m ready, willing, able. And it’s safe for me to do this. And then it’s kind of like making a vow with yourself. Vows are really strong. Today is the day. I vow to no longer let this be an issue for me. It’s faulty logic. It wasn’t true for my mom. It’s not true for me. I don’t know how this idea got in there in the first place. We’re not wasteful people. We’re working towards expansion and evolution for ourselves and others, for the world. Therefore, I renounce this. I renounce this belief today. No longer will it hold power over me. No longer will it be passed on to my children. Stops here. Okay. So what would be a new belief that you would rather have?

Crystal: I was just making a note of that. Yeah, I would say…the words deserve and worthy come to my mind as the first.

Kelli:
And then how about something like, as more than I need comes in? I fill in the blank.

Crystal:
I am deserving and worthy of receiving. I’m also writing this down.

Kelli:
And if you’re deserving and worthy and more than you need comes in, then what?

Crystal:
I get to have more play time.

Kelli:
Let’s go deeper than that. What’s even more magical and more impactful than even play time?

Crystal: I see my creation time as playtime it’s. When I’m the happiest. When I’m creating material content, podcast, the network TV show. And I’m reaching more people.

Kelli:
And why do you want to reach more people? If you reached more people, then what could happen?

Crystal:
I truly believe. And it’ll make me emotional saying it. But the more that parents are empowered in this generation with a few tools. And to me, they’re very simple that we can literally evolve the planet in one generation. I think we have the power to do that. And I believe part of my journey and purpose
is to be a voice in that and to facilitate that, evolve it to what more, love kids that are not coming into this world with belief systems that, like, right now we’re rewriting them.

Kelli:
So if they’re not coming into the world with those belief systems, that’s a not doing, then what’s on the other side of that? What are they doing?

Crystal:
They are feeling freedom and love and joy to create and be the human on this planet that they desire to be and to express their gifts.

Kelli:
So I am deserving and worthy of more than I need. And as more than I need comes in, that means more love, more freedom, more joy. The ability for our next generation to be who they want to be and express their gifts. How freaking powerful is that? That’s what more means. That’s what more means.

Crystal:
Absolutely. It gives me chills.

Kelli:
Yeah, I call that truth bumps the truth bombs, right? Yeah. That’s huge. So today is the day I renounce that old dusty crusty belief and I write a new vow that through my more comes more love, more freedom. More joy allows others to be who they want to be and express their gifts. And that’s true freedom and expansion. It’s imperative that more comes in for this purpose. It’s compulsory.

Crystal:
Yeah, that’s awesome. So let’s slip into a little bit of emotion code where we can see if there’s anything blocking that and clear that from your energy field. And you’ve done some work with emotion code before. So this is just a way to identify any stuck energy. And it’s usually like you’re feeling this emotion so overwhelmingly at a certain point in your life that instead of riding the wave and letting it go, it becomes stuck in your field and creates some type of blockage. So we’ll have the overarching goal just to see if there’s anything blocking that vow that big Why, that dream that we just talked about. All those things are so beautiful. First, what I do is I make sure that it’s safe and appropriate to connect you energetically. So I’ll do that now. Okay. I got the approval on both sides. So I have a list of 60 emotions. You’ll hear silence as I figure out which emotion is causing a blockage. If there is one, and then I’ll let you know what I find. Okay. The feeling of discouragement. Let’s see if it’s based on something you already told me about. Yes. Do we need to know more about it? No. I’m releasing that through the governing Meridian, which is your main central energy line. You can imagine this like a ball of energy, like the size of an orange, and we’re releasing it down your back, just like that thought of just like water down a duck’s back. Let’s see if this discouragement is now cleared, and I got a yes. So let’s see if there’s something else. Is there another blockage here that we can clear? I got a yes. The feeling of anxiety. Do we need to know more about this to clear it? Yes. So I’ll be dividing your age in half to figure out what age you were when this energy got stuck. What’s your current age?

Crystal:
41.

Kelli:
Okay. So was it before you’re? 20? This is yes. Before ten is a no before 15 is a no. 15. This is age 16. Do we need to know more than that? Yes. Something about your family of origin? No. Something at school? No something in personal life? No something with spirituality, no something with finances. No something involving another person? Yes. Another person your age? No. Another grown up. Would it be somebody that’s part of your family? Extended family. Okay. There’s something going on with family. Extended family is testing strong around age 16. Does that make sense? What was the family situation at that time?

Crystal:
Very unstable. My mom sent me to live with my grandparents.

Kelli:
Okay. What was that like for you?

Crystal:
Stressful very difficult. My grandparents didn’t want me there, so I tried to kind of just keep to myself or stay with my friends, but it’s very much a feeling of being, I guess, rejected and not wanted around. We talked a little bit earlier about being truly seen. I wonder if that’s these childhood moments where we start to establish these beliefs about ourselves. And I could see how that would be impactful if you felt that somebody didn’t want you there. I don’t want to be seen. Or maybe it’s such a strong desire to be seen. But when you feel unwanted, that brings up a lot of conflicting thoughts. Do we need to know anything more about this anxiety? We do. Are we on the right track? Yes. Okay. Sometimes when I read the definition, it helps us trigger what we need to discover. There’s something we need to bubble up to. Conscious awareness. It’s a generalized feeling of uneasiness and foreboding. A fear of the unknown. Fear without a subject. So at that time, when you’re 16, usually it just takes maybe a sentence or two more about that. Why you’re feeling that type of anxiety? Fear of the unknown.

Crystal:
Maybe the fear of not knowing if I was going to be safe next because I’d been bounced around from family.

Kelli:
Did you have a plan? Like after living with them, you knew where you were going to go, or was it indefinite?

Crystal:
I went to college right after that. As soon as I finished high school, I went straight to University, and I’ve been on my own since I was 17, fully taking care of myself with no support whatsoever. It was like, okay, you got into college and I had to work and manage school loan processes and everything by myself. I had my support.

Kelli:
Thank you. That’s awesome. Without any financial or emotional support from my family at all. Understandable, why would there would be a lot of fear of the unknown, right?

Crystal:
It’s like, Holy crap. How am I going to do all this and you look around right when you’re in University and you look around at everybody, and it seems like everybody else has it all figured out. And these great parents and supporting them. And there was nothing like my College roommates. Their parents came and celebrated and gave them all of these things that we needed for the apartment. I just kind of sat there like, wow, this is what families do. I have no idea, because that wasn’t my experience.

Kelli:
Sure. Do you have children yourself?

Crystal:
I have one daughter.

Kelli:
Yeah. How old is she?

Crystal:
She’s ten.

Kelli:
When and if she decides to go to College, that you’re going to be one of those moms.

Crystal:
Yeah, for sure.

Kelli:
Helps her feel special and supportive care packages. So that’s the good thing. Sometimes, based on our experience, we have such a contrast that we’re like, man, I’m going to do things a little different.

Crystal:
And, yeah, I do things drastically different from my mom drastically. There’s a lot of healing that’s happened with my daughter. And then every present moment, I slow myself down and watch my responses, and I don’t catch myself every single time. I’m not perfect. But I do use those opportunities to have a conversation with her and say, okay, I messed up. I slipped. It’s not your fault. I’m not perfect. And I’m sorry.

Kelli:
That’s huge. All right, let’s see. Do we need to know anything more about this anxiety? And I received a weak response, so we’re clearing up from the field. All right. Is there another trapped emotion that is blocking you from this goal? Yes. Feeling of failure. Do we need to know more about this? Yes. Before 20? No. Before 30? No. Before 35? No. Before 40? No. So currently, do we need to know more about this to clear it? Yes. Okay. Related business is testing week. So this one is not about business. If it feels too personal, you can think it and I can muscle test it. So what else is going on lately? Age 41 with failure that’s not related to business. I can start testing categories. Like something sexual. Test week. Something financial. Tests week. Something spiritual. Tests week. Something with family of origin, something with current family. Both of those tests week. Something within you personally tests strong and something related to another person. Test week. There’s something going on within you personally, like your relationship to you is what’s testing strong.

Crystal:
Interesting. I’m trying to think, as I shared with you before we started, the message that I keep getting is to slow down. And so I have this mental battle of, what does that mean? And am I slowing down right now? Am I supposed to be? I can’t get my brain around the definition, and I feel as though I’m not honoring my feelings and my body response of, yes, this is a good time to slow down right now and take a break or stand up and dance and move your energy around because getting in the pattern. As an entrepreneur, I feel like I need to be outputting all the time. And that’s almost like a habit, right where I logically understand that slowing down and taking a break and giving myself time to integrate a new idea that came up versus going. Oh, this new idea came up. Let me act on it right now. Like, maybe that new idea of Crystal is just percolating and sit with it for a minute and feel through it and think through it. And so I think that there’s a bit of a war almost with my right emotional side brain and my left logic going logically. You need to slow down. But my emotions are like, no, you have to keep going, because if you stop, then How’s your business going to keep moving forward?

Kelli:
Okay, close your eyes. What is your highest power? Whether you would call that your highest self, God, the universe source energy. What do you call that God source or my higher self?

Crystal:
I kind of intertwined all three.

Kelli:
So from the eyes of God, source connected to your highest power, are you receiving a true message to slow down?

Crystal:
Yes.

Kelli:
It means to slow down, maybe some thought pattern or slow down your actions?

Crystal:
That’s where I have a hard time getting the read. It’s like I feel a little bit of both.

Kelli:
If I asked you from the eyes of God which is it?

Crystal:
they say thought pattern, thought pattern.

Kelli:
Okay. Through the eyes of God, which thought pattern needs to slow down?

Crystal:
rushing through things.

Kelli:
And what’s the urgency to rush through?

Crystal:
There’s so much that I want to get out into the world. And I have a hard time with patience.
And by rushing through what good comes of that more and more. I know I want more out there. That’s where they said there’s like this dichotomy between slowing down and getting the things accomplished that I want to accomplish. And I kind of had a bit of inspiration over Christmas, where it was kind of like I was shown that there’s this sort of timeline and that, yes, the Earth creation. Everybody we want to get from here to here. But sort of my role is only from here to here. And even though I can see to there, it doesn’t mean that that’s my goal. But because I see the goal, it’s like I’m chomping at the bit, wanting to get all the way over there rather than staying sort of in my space of how much time that I have here on the physical plane to accomplish the things that I want to, because. And I’ve also heard that I don’t have to do it alone that I very much can reach out for support.

Kelli: Your helpers?

Crystal:
Yeah. So I’ve asked for that, like, okay, so show me then who can help me accomplish these things or who else I can collaborate with to create the things that I want to create because I don’t even want to do it on my own. I absolutely don’t want to. I believe in co-creation 1000%. And so when these different projects have been brought to me, it is a sort of co-creation and that’s pushing me to grow a bit, specifically with the micro-farms. I’ve worked with a couple and had so much fun doing it. But there are things that they need to learn within that. So just yesterday, it was really interesting. I had a conversation with somebody and she offered to help. She said, I can be your advisor. And I was like, yes, absolutely. I will absolutely call you when that time comes. Staying in flow with what those pieces are that are meant for me versus getting all the way to here has been difficult.

Kelli:
So let’s try a different activity. Imagine that. It’s the end of your life. And you are a ripe old age of we’ll just make up of a number 97 years old. Maybe you’re going to live to 114. Who knows? I’m going to be 90 something. I’ve been there for a long time. I’m going to be a very old lady. All right. So let’s say you’re on your bed and the time is getting near. You’re reflecting back on your life and you’re reflecting back to this time when you turn 40, 41 in the sense of urgency. Rushing, rushing so much to get out. What message would she have for you?

Crystal:
Something about it’s all going to unfold in its own time. And I hear like, honey, you’re only at the starting line right now.

Kelli:
I saw you almost laughed to yourself, too.

Crystal:
Like, almost like, slow your role. You’re just getting started. Just relax. Yeah. It makes me emotional because I can see that. I know.

Kelli:
And imagine if you have ten more years like this go by, you’re going to miss a decade rushing, rushing, rushing.

Crystal:
Right.

Kelli:
Rather than focusing on the unfolding, doing what you love, calling in the right partnership, taking your time. But I think when we looked at it from the eyes of God, it’s not stopping your actions. It’s like, hey, slow it down. Slow down these rushing thoughts. I would choose wisely and go in the direction where you feel the most inspired, the most curious and maybe even the most afraid to be seen, because that’s usually a big clue on where you need to go. And it doesn’t mean to stop acting. It just means to stop worrying and rushing and stressing, right?

Crystal:
Yeah. It’s more like inspired, thoughtful action, enjoying this process, this unfolding.

Kelli:
Yeah.

Crystal:
That’s one of the things I would say only most recently in the last couple of weeks that I’ve gotten into the practice because I’ve always woken up and said, my Thankfuls and my gratefuls. That was a huge part of my growth was rewiring my brain to be happy and in gratitude. So I’ve gotten into practice just in the last couple of weeks. Of waking up and doing my gratefuls and then asking, how can I be of best service today? What is going to spark me up and light me up today that I can do today? And it’s so interesting. It makes me emotional. You guys stopped making me cry. This is so good. That’s where the juice is at. This is the part of the matter, but it’s interesting to see how it’s different every single day. Some days I can sit and get really excited about creating something and writing it. And some days I sit back and I’m like, today I’m going to take my daughter on a walk because that sounds exciting right now.

Kelli:
How beautiful is that?

Crystal:
But it’s difficult. It’s so difficult for me to have the what’s the word to have the diligence to do that because I want to go into this mode of where I have to sit and work, and I need to be sitting and doing all of these work tasks when a work task is very much integrating that energy and my daughter inspired me. She did something the other day. I kept telling myself, Crystal, you need to laugh more. So she said, hey, Mommy, I have a game for you. And I said, what? Of course, it’s random and out of the blue from my little Crystal child. She said, I want you to fake laugh and then see if you can stop yourself from really laughing. Oh, my gosh, I love that. And we were both cracking up, and it was realized that halfway through, as I’m laughing hysterically with her that this is the best medicine. And I’ve got this beautiful little teacher, my roommate here in real time giving her mom life lessons of stop and laugh. You need to do this right now.

Kelli:
I may guess that that part of you that has such that burning desire to go go produce, produce, produce that might not be your soulful self. That might be the part that is worried about scarcity, worried about not having all the plan in place, not knowing what’s right in front of you. Because when you’re acting from your soulful self, your day unfolds.

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli:
And you have inspired action.

Crystal:
Yeah.

Kelli:
So just asking yourself the question, if you have a burning desire to get something out, is it because I’m moving towards something, which is I want to share this awesome content that I am totally connected to, and I want to inspire others to have more freedom and love and joy with this or more health or whatever? Or is it because I’m sparked by fear? I can see the fear that comes up? Absolutely. Because we have real life responsibilities. It’s true. And it takes some deciding. I mean, sometimes it’s okay to get a part time, different job that you can do easily. That is less inspiring, but provide security that allows you to slow down your creation in a way that’s enjoyable, because then it’s not sparked by fear, right. Or, of course, you just go for it full throttle and you’re like, this is the Lane I’m in. We’re doing this. I’m calling in my helpers. It’s going to work out, right? And always can lead to happiness. It’s just deciding which one feels better, which one feels like you’re going to enjoy life more.

Crystal:
Yeah, I’m sort of at this point half the stage of saying, okay, I’m going to go and do something sort of part time or whatever. I really committed myself this summer to going full steam ahead into what I started to create. And as I said, somehow, I don’t know the how it continues to work out every single month. So I’m sticking with it. I’m not going backwards. And I think that if and when I’m shown that I need to go and take a job that is working for somebody else, then I’ll absolutely do that. I’m humble enough. And I’ll put my ego site. Absolutely. But I haven’t seen that just yet. All right. So right now it’s already working out. Some helpers are arriving.

Kelli:
You’re setting your intention each day. Universe. Show me how I can be most of service today and adding on, please send the right helpers for this project. The most impactful that can allow us to send more love into the world, more feeling, freedom, joy so that we can help people be who they want to be and express their gifts. Please send me the right helpers to collaborate in the most brilliant, effective impactful way. So I’d add that one to your daily inquiry, the Daily Guide. Let’s see. Do we need to know anything more about this failure to clear it? We still do… interesting. Still need to know more about this failure. Something we haven’t said yet. Let me read that definition. Maybe that’ll help. There’s something we need to identify here. When one falls short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted or desired, it could be the failure of a marriage or other relationship bankruptcy, performing poorly in athletics, art, academics, et cetera. So I know that you were talking about like I can see ahead of myself, and I feel like I’m only doing the small part of it. There’s still something else that we need to identify and bubble up to the conscious awareness so that it can be cleared, trapped emotion of failure, and it’s going on currently. Let me see the last three months, the last six months, the last nine months, the last year, longer than that the last year. But it’s something that we haven’t talked about yet.

Crystal:
I mean, the only thing that I can think of is what we were talking about in the beginning of the call of creating and aligning with other strategic partners to put out the content and that it’s out there. But it hasn’t gotten any traction yet.

Kelli:
That’s testing strong. I’m also testing something strong with your daughter. So what’s going on there.

Crystal:
She’s an amazing child to raise. She’s actually been really easy to raise, even though she challenges me and teaches me some amazing things. I feel like I want to do more for her. And I’m exploring and looking at the unschooling process and kind of the uncommon core. And it’s like I feel like I wish I had more time to dedicate to focusing on her and whatever support she needs.

Kelli:
Well, what would be enough time? Like, maybe you dedicate the little chunk of your schedule or this hour per day or on Tuesdays from four to eight. This is when I’m going to focus on that. What would be enough?

Crystal:
I mean, I don’t know, because I could absolutely block out my schedule because I’m in control of it. I feel like I haven’t really decided, and I know that that conversation needs to be a collaborative conversation with her. It’s also what she wants. I brought up with her just the other night, and it was so beautiful to see her get so sparked up and excited. She wanted to launch her own motivational quotes, Instagram and so cool. She’s been doing that for years. She takes, like, the chalk paint markers and writes on her bathroom mirror, all of these motivational quotes and affirmations and things cool. So I just literally set up yesterday on my Canva account and gave her an Instagram handle Isabelle’s motivations or something like that. And so it was so exciting to see her really lit up about that. And it’s like, I feel like I just want to do so much more for her. And I have her 100% of the time. I don’t share any custody. Her dad lives in another country, so navigating my time with work and my time with her and my time for me. It feels like a lot sometimes.

Kelli:
Yeah. That would be another cool thing to ask her. I feel like I want to help you with the things you’re excited about. And I want to help you with school more, or maybe getting you into a different type of school situation. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever wish I could do that more? And maybe she’s like, no, mom, you’re always around. Or maybe she’d be like, yeah, I really wish we could do that more. And then ask her, just say, well, what would be the best for you? Like, just kind of connecting over dinner about the things that I can assist you with. Or maybe we make a standing date once a week, and we just really focus on what you’re excited about, and I can help you the best I can. But it might surprise you what she says if you ask her what she needs,

Crystal:
okay.

Kelli:
And then, of course, it’s a collaboration. So it’s coming to some agreement in the middle. If it’s off base with what you are thinking, then it’s coming to some agreement where both of you can get the most of what you want, trying to get both of you to get what you want in the best way. Okay. Let’s see if that’s what was going on with the failure. Do we need to know more about that? Awesome. Now we don’t. So I can release that trapped emotion. All right. This failure is now clear. Is there another trapped emotion blocking you from your goal? That’s a yes. A feeling of abandonment. Do we need to know more? Yes. Before you were 20? No. Before you’re 30? No. Before 35? Yes. This was age 31. Your own emotion. So either you abandoned someone or something or someone or something abandoned to you. It could be an idea. It could be a job. It could be a person. It could be a relationship.

Crystal:
There was a lot that happened at 31. I had just given birth to Isabelle. She would have been a couple of months old. She was born in September, and I would have turned 31 in December. And it was a very big year. We picked up and moved to England. So it was like I became a mom, which is very overwhelming. Everybody handles it differently. Yeah. It was big for me. And we moved to England, away from everybody and everything that I knew. And then her dad when we moved there, and he then drove into the city all the time. And I was left, like, on my own with a baby. And I was a bit like that. I don’t know what to do. Yeah. There’s something stuck there, clearly. Yeah. And I was literally on a farm in England in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t like we moved to the city or to an expat community or anything. So I didn’t know anybody. And, yeah, it was a lot. And then his son lived with us for a short while, and there was trauma there. And I worked on that extensively, and it was very difficult to have him around. He was very jealous of the baby and of everything. And he was twelve and confused. 31 was difficult. And after about, I would say nine or ten months, I pretty much nearly had a nervous breakdown. And it was sort of like the beginning of my spiritual awakening. I would say, because taking away everything that I knew and then just depending on my husband, for us to be together, really connected, made me really see who he was. And it was like the veil came off and I went, oh, wow. Okay. So that’s who you are. I was making all these excuses. And there were all these distractions in California where I was comfortable and had support. And now I see for who you are. And, oh, shit. What am I going to do? Oh, God. And so I think after nine or ten months of being on this farm in the middle of nowhere and Isabel was the easiest baby, she was so great. And I did. I made friends with other moms in the village, and I kind of created my own little support system. But I said to him one day, if you don’t get me off this farm, I’m leaving you. And so we moved closer to the city. And then things sort of got better. But it was really hard to not have him there as support and to not have any family. I was taking a baby all on my own, which was scary as a first time mom, you don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t get a manual.

Kelli:
No, I wish we did. All right, let’s see. Do we need to know anything more about this abandonment? I received a week response so we can release that. Did being on that farm have anything to do with your now love of farming or creating a farm? Was that one of the hidden treasures there during that time? Yeah. There was a lot of beauty that came out of that. There absolutely was. My mom had a garden when we were kids, and so I grew up literally eating out of the dirt. And that’s part of a big part of my story. And what I’ve intertwined into my company is as we’re establishing our kids habits when they’re young, getting them in love with whole fresh foods. What about England? England. Yeah. We had an Apple Orchard and a plum Orchard, and my neighbors had beef cattle, and I would drive down the road or walk down the road and buy eggs. And it was very much like there was a lot of beauty in that in there. It was my first exposure to, like, a community garden where people have plots of land and get to plant their own stuff and share with each other. So it was very inspiring and has led into what I’m doing today.

Kelli:
Part of your journey. I think now is a good time to tie things up. Let’s consider based on what we talked about today. Is there any action step that you feel called to do?

Crystal:
have a conversation with Isabelle?

Kelli:
Okay. And

Crystal:
write my mantra and include that in my morning routine.

Kelli:
Yeah.

Crystal:
And ask for more help. And also, I think as we’re discussing in the beginning, the courage to really step in more to the role of working specifically with Crystal and Rainbow children and their parents is so much more in alignment with really, truly who I am. And, yes, nutrition is a part of it. It is when I heard having that’s when you just sparked joy, that’s when you came alive and that’s what felt most aligned just in hearing you talking, I was like, oh, you know how somebody just starts talking about something that’s their passion and their whole face changes and their whole tone of voice changes. It’s like, I think that’s the money. Yeah. So I think that I need to really start feeling into and letting those thoughts percolate of what that would look like. That would look like. And I know where to start now. I’ve done it. I’ve had the experience with Crystal Clear Kids and the family support program. Yeah, I got to start talking about it more and kind of coming out of the closet.

Kelli:
Yes. And being seen. I think it would be cool, too, for you to today write your vow about letting go of that old belief about not having enough or not being allowed to have more than you need because you’ve always had enough. I’ll let me correct myself there and write your vow. What I’m worthy of deserving is more than I need. And what I do with more than I need is fill in the blank all the ways you impact the world. I’ll say it again. I think vows are so powerful.

Crystal:
I know I’m trying to write it quickly,

Kelli:
but you can create your own, like, maybe something more inspired will come to you or just go deep. It’s like, Well, what’s behind that? What’s under that? What’s under that. And that’s where you get that true connection to the magic. And then you’re like, well, of course. Yeah. We need more of that. We need more of that in the world. It’s imperative that we have more of that in the world. And it would be a disservice to the human race and to Mother Nature in this environment to not have more of that in the world. Therefore, my birthright is it is mine, and I will have it.

Crystal:
Yeah, right. It’s like, no brainer. Yeah. And it’s interesting because this is not the first time I’ve had the conversation about talking to Crystal Kids and Rainbow Children and things like that. And I laughed to myself when the first time that thought came to me, I was like, that is the easiest thing ever because I’ve lived it. Oh, my God. That is so easy for me to talk about. Like, are you kidding me right now? Why have I not seen this before? And why is the timing now, after I’ve done all of this work and all of these other areas, but it all happens in person. It’s not for not. It was not. And I know that. And when I launched, it was like, everything that could go wrong with this launch went wrong. And I was laughing in the middle of it going because I’ve got to learn this because I had the idea. I just jumped and then went, oh, it’s all going to fall into place. And it didn’t. But I now know, right the lesson I now know. And I have the nitty gritty knowledge on all of the integral parts of what’s inside my business, rather than leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

Kelli:
That’s cool. Yeah. And now it’s calling in the helpers, calling in the partnership, divide and conquer work to your strengths, work with where you’re most aligned most curious, most inspired. I’m so excited to see what you do.

Crystal:
Thank you.

Kelli:
All right. Any last questions or comments?

Crystal:
I don’t think so. That was beautiful. And I really appreciate your time and your energy. It was a gift.

Kelli:
Thank you so much for being part of this and for your vulnerability. Your willingness to share your story. And I know that somebody or multiple somebody is listening will find some similarity in what they’re going through or some beliefs that they’ve had from their childhood, holding them back and ways that they want to change the world. So thank you so much for sharing that. And I hope others can find some value in what we talked about today, too.

Crystal:
Yeah. Me, too. We’re all here to help each other.

Kelli:
Yeah. We’re all calling in the helpers.

Crystal:
Yes. All right. Well, thank you so much.

Kelli:
Thank you.