Podcast Episode 014 – Stepping Into Who I’m Becoming – Session Interview – Kelli & Ashley

In this episode, Kelli and Ashley talk about reconciling who you are with who you were, who you want to be, who you’re becoming, and Ashley discovers that what she thought was rejection was simply re-direction and she steps into what it means to embody self-worth, embracing herself both then and now.
They discuss Ashley’s upcoming marriage and the stress of fitting into a different culture in Finland as an American, and Kelli assists Ashley in releasing emotional blockages that were preventing her from feeling like she was fitting in, owning her worth, and her identity.

 

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Kelli Russell: About / Work with Kelli
Kevin Russell: About / Work with Kevin

Radical Enlightenment
Rapid Transformation Sessions

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Episode Transcript

Kelli Russell 0:00
Oh, hey, everybody. This is Kelli with radical enlightenment today I have with me, Ashley. And thank you so much for joining today. Ashley.

Ashley 0:10
Hello, thank you for having me.

Kelli Russell 0:12
We were talking a little bit before we started, and I asked you what you wanted to focus on today, and three different things came up. One of them is a relationship that you have with a family member. One of them is you are living in Finland right now. And there’s some multicultural things going on that are feeling maybe some differences in the way that I don’t know, you told me that you grew up there previously, but then you’ve lived in the States ever since then. So there’s stuff that’s coming up from your childhood? And also, you’re getting married? Yeah,

Ashley 0:47
yeah, just hearing you say that made me go, whoa.

Kelli Russell 0:52
And then the last thing was career focusing on some career. And we were discussing which one we should focus on. And I gave you the option of checking energetically. So we can link up energetically. And we can do a stress test, and see which one is the most pressing. And you said, that sounded like a good idea. So that’s what we’re going to do. Sounds great. Okay, great. So let’s start by closing our eyes, and we’re going to create an intention, all start. And our intention will be that we put our highest selves in charge our wisdom self. And that we are guided in the best way possible so that we can connect to whatever is the priority, and create positive or life enhancing shifts that are noticeable. And that everything we do is for your best and highest overall good. And we will ask that any changes that we make, are assimilated with ease and grace. And lastly, we’ll add gratitude. I’m so grateful and thankful that we’re here together. And that these changes are already in motion just by the fact that we’re here. And then if there’s anything you would like to silently add on or outloud add on, feel free to add. And then when that feels complete, just open your eyes and say okay.

Okay, so let’s do a few cross crawls, this gets the left the right and the left hemisphere of our brain activated and balanced, that will help with our muscle testing. So it’s basically sitting in a chair and marching in place your hands start apart, and then crossover opposite hand to opposite side, opposite hand to opposite thigh. Okay, now we’ll get in a rhythm. And then with your eyes only look up into the right, it’s really a brain game.

And now with your eyes look up into the left

okay, and then come back to neutral and just rest with your feet apart and your arms apart, your chin parallel to Earth, and your eyes are looking down at about 45 degrees. So for this part, I’m asking for permission to your highest self, that it’s okay that we link up in this way energetically. And I check on both sides is safe and appropriate for you. And it’s safe and appropriate for me. So give me about 30 seconds as I check this out

okay, I got the approval. So basically what happens now is all of my subconscious needs desires all the Calanus gets to push to the side, so that I can receive a reading about you. And when I muscle testing now, I muscle testing as you as your proxy or in surrogate action for you. So as you say things are as I check things out, it’s really what I’m doing is pinging your signal almost like a satellite dish. It’s like sending you information and receiving information on your behalf. Okay, so we’re going to start with a relationship with your family member. And I’d like you to think about that relationship and think about the challenges that you have faced and I’m going to check on a scale from one to 10 what your subconscious would gauge that stress level. Okay, well so your eyes are looking down that gets you in touch with a subconscious as well as a feeling state I’ll start testing that now. So is the subconscious stress greater than a five? I got to know. Is it greater than three? I got a yes. Is it greater than four? I got a yes. So that means that satisfied. Okay, regarding getting married and the multicultural stuff, should we group those together? Or should we have those as two separate things? Actually? Oh, like, what would that be part of the same or separate?

Ashley 5:27
Yeah, they could go together. Okay.

Kelli Russell 5:33
So now I’d like you to switch and think about that. So there are some multicultural things getting married.

Okay, is the subconscious stress greater than five? That’s a yes. Greater than seven is a yes. Greater than eight is a no. So that’s at an eight. All right, let’s check career. Okay, so switch over to career. So there’s something that you’ve been wanting to get into, but you’ve been experiencing some resistance there. So let’s check that stress level. Or we could check the resistance that’s causing the stress. Okay, so is that greater than a five? Yes. Is it greater than seven? No. Is it greater than six? Yes. So that’s at a seven. All right. So what we have is the relationship with a family member is at a five, getting married, the multicultural stuff is at eight, and then career is at a seven. So you still have free will? What would you like to focus on today?

Ashley 6:35
I guess let’s focus on the one that has the highest stress. So in multicultural, it’s the most every day thing. Yeah,

Kelli Russell 6:45
so summarize that into a paragraph or two. So help us understand more about what you’re going through.

Ashley 6:53
Well, I have a past life here in Finland, where I live now. And many, many friends and close people in thanks to the internet, who I’ve stayed remained close with. And the whole reason I’m even here now. And then also, I left this place. And there was a lot of, I guess I would label trauma just to say it shortly in those formative years, from 11 to 14, some of it was self induced, some of it was learning more of what’s going on later in life. And then moving back to the states and creating a new identity there growing up, and then coming back here as an adult. The short way would be maybe identity crisis, figuring out who I am between this new person I’m becoming and having to let go of who I was, let’s say in San Diego, and also still being that person. And then also who I was when I was here as a teenager, and then being an adult now and partly embracing myself then and now and also all of the interesting things that you don’t realize when you’re in a foreign country, like having to set your pride aside and humble and, and not always understanding what’s going on in conversations. And, and just those those differences. us Americans are quite different than the Finns. So

Kelli Russell 8:14
what are you noticing as some of the differences? Well, at least the ones that you that you’ve personally feel

Ashley 8:23
it’s a little bit of a challenge for me to explain because I do have so many friends here who are close to me and I feel like I can discuss and talk talk to, but um, Finn’s as a culture are much more quiet, much more reserved. So for example, when the pandemic, everything hit, the joke was the Finns have no problem with social distancing, because they stand several meters away from each other, you know, I’ve never spoken my neighbors and I have two neighbors who live in my same corridor. I mean, I’ve said hello, but I haven’t quite gotten a hello back. So you know, you don’t you just don’t engage there’s there’s a lot of personal space and but again, I have a lot of really close friends who it’s not like that we have we embrace. But then also, I realized that the couple of American friends that I’ve made here or still have from childhood I’ve like really drawn myself to because there’s I can just speak American in the language, there’s not a language barrier it off to really alter it, although many of my friends are very fluent. So realizing really how much words means to me and language and self expression because I do speak Finnish. I just couldn’t quite have a conversation for example, like the depth that you and I are having today. Wow. So that that’s something that I struggle with at times like I can give you examples is probably the best if you if you need to. Yeah, let’s choose one at one example. That’ll help. Okay, one good example is that I now I have a dog here and going to a dog park Finland’s not a very populated place so it’s not like going to a dog park in San Diego. Go where there’s people everywhere and stuff. So when you’re going in, you’re often acknowledging the other person and the dog and having to have an exchange. Like, hello, my dog is a female, kinder, not kind. So I found myself terrified to go to a dog park, if having to have those interactions, although I could linguistically get my point across. But the perfectionist in me holds back times. But then also for continuing that same example, I’ll go with my column, a man friend, because he’s not a boy. He’s more than my boyfriend, but my man friend will be there with me. And he’ll be engaged in a conversation with a fellow dog owner, and I’m just on the sidelines, quiet. And that’s so not my personality. So I feel this pain almost being standing there silent, and I can feel the emotion come up when I’m the person who would be jumping in the conversation, whether invited or not, usually, and I probably could more again, I hold myself back, I know. Sure. But that’s nuts and bolts, like challenges.

Kelli Russell 11:02
And the conversation that you described, might possibly happen there at the dog park sounds like one that you would be able to have, because it is more simple.

Ashley 11:12
Yeah. And when I’m by myself, it’s the it’s perfect. And that’s why I know having a dog is what is really helping me with my with these things. Because I have no choice when I am alone there or walking in interact with another person. Where

Kelli Russell 11:28
Okay, so when you’re one on one, or one too many there, you can do it. But then when you bring your man friend, you feel uncomfortable hopping in to the conversation, maybe

Ashley 11:38
more, they’re already in their conversation. Right? Exactly. So hopping in doesn’t, I’m just kind of letting them talk and letting them rather than be like, the foreigner who’s maybe maybe I’m laughing or smiling or engaging, but I don’t talk so so much.

Kelli Russell 11:53
Well, I personally experienced that here in the States. If if I’m at, let’s say, a gathering, and somebody is really engaged in a conversation, I feel awkward. And how do I introduce myself into the conversation? Do I cuz they’re like, how they’re talking. Do I interrupt? Hi, I’m Kelly, nice to meet you. I mean, that could be uncomfortable in any culture, right? I mean, even your

Ashley 12:15
point that you bring up because that’s some of the stuff that I’ve needed to like, unmark, my own my own filter with because it’s like, well, wait a second, that’s not any different. I’m just labeling it as, oh, I’m in Florida. I’m not finished. So I’m different. But that’s not true. You know, at all. Just little, little things that the ego I’ve been, I’ve been listening to a new earth again, from Yeah, like, yeah, I can tell how much my ego has been living in a fear based place since being here because of, and I’m just uncovering some of that, like, is that from childhood, a lot of protective having to hold myself safer or something. And so, you’re right, that happens in the States, too. And I think I need to work on how I’m filtering those experiences.

Kelli Russell 13:02
And well, what would be the worst thing if you were known as the loud, gregarious American, would that be shunned? Would you be shunned? would? Would it be extremely uncomfortable? Would you be ostracized? Or? Or would be would they just say, oh, that’s that loud American?

Ashley 13:22
It’d be like, Oh, she’s so American, than me at all. I know who I am. And I don’t feel too weird about that. I mean, maybe if somebody put it in a real demeaning way, I could certainly be there to it. But no, like, that’s fine. I’ve always been that, you know, here since, yeah, that’s been who I am. And people have a real affection for Americans. So a lot of times people are very intrigued by learning that I’m here from California. They’re like, you know, so I actually get a lot of positive attention for being American. So wow, that’s very lucky.

Kelli Russell 13:53
That’s very good. Okay, now, now, tell me a little bit more about the marriage. What’s going on with that?

Ashley 14:01
Well, one, when I met this man on SSI, it was when I was still living in San Diego and I came here for a visit. And I actually went through I remember very specifically a lot of manifestation work I was doing just more putting myself open to the universe in no idea it would happen when I got here on a vacation, meeting a new friend through new through a friend. So the reason I tell you that is because from the week I met him, I would refer to him as husband. I was yeah, I just knew it. I just wow. And so I went back to San Diego after the trip he you know, he has a foreign name so I would just tell everybody, you know, I’m I’m this his husband calling me or like I just would call him that. That was three years ago now. Wow. So I had this knowing. But then fast forward to this moment, and I have come back to Finland after having my history here. I’m the Finnish government knows my parents They know who I am. But coming here, as more than just a tourist was has been a challenge because I had to get residency and, and then Corona happened. And so there’s just been a lot of legal logistics that have been a little bit of a headache certainly worth it to live in a country like this. I’m very grateful. But that’s been a two year process. And now we’re just at the point where, like, we know, we don’t want to be with anybody else. Yeah, but there is also a legal multicultural. What would How do I want to put this, like getting married will help us in our legal life. So I’m calling this we’re deciding to do it. Although I, you know, there’s maybe not some grand proposal, but it’s healthy, that we’ve talked about it so much. But it is really like in my mind, and emotional engagement, and the wedding and the real, everything will happen 2024 When hopefully, Coronas history and such. So I think the thing that I’ve right now with the marriages that I’ve been opened to, if we needed to do it, like, let’s say on paper, because that’s the best way for us to be together. But then I realized, like, there’s a little bit of overwhelm coming in, and there’s a little bit of like, oh, really doing this, like, we don’t get to do this again, this is really happening. And, and I’m very open to it. Yeah.

Kelli Russell 16:23
But well, I was thinking if you already were calling him husband three years ago, and everything’s aligning in a way that this makes sense. Now, why not just jump in with open heart, instead of it seems kind of like holding back a little bit for a few years, and then we’ll really do it, right. But why not just go all in now. And really do it now. I mean, three, three years ago, you’re always already like, this is this is the guy for me, he’s already in that role. In my mind, within one week, I’m already feeling it.

Ashley 16:57
It’s just interesting, because I think that maybe like three years ago, self or even two years ago, so I was more of that. And then now after we’ve done all these things, just go live. Be here, I’m just kind of like, okay, so we had to go through all that stress. And now we’re still gonna just see the easier route kind of thing. So maybe we’re absolutely and just to fully embrace it, because I’ve known it but having to remember, weird three years now, you know, we started with a long distance relationship, six months apart, talking every day until he came to visit San Diego. And then fast forward to moving in together and then pandemic and both working from home in a 500 square foot apartment, all day, every day. So we now is the first this is why it’s so great to have this meeting with you. Now, I’ve had like a retreat this week, I’ve had the whole week to myself, he’s had the chance to go on a work trip for the first time. And I love this man, he’s so wonderful. But I’m sure many can relate that I’m just, I’m happy when he’s got as long as he comes back. Because I get to have this time to myself to really just I really having my own retreat. So the last year has just been a weird one. I think that maybe stirred up some of this like, stuff where I was so ready. And I’ve always been. So I’m re reminding myself, like, I’ve known this for a long time, there’s no question about the union with the person. So to your point,

Kelli Russell 18:27
it sounds like the legalities and the paperwork. And the hoops you’ve had to jump through have been such a focal point that it’s taken some of the magic out of it. So perhaps there is a way to have some magic back into it. Yeah. And that’ll be between the two of you. Like, I know, we’re just doing the deal at this point. But what can we do, like a special ceremony between the two of you, and maybe bringing in some aspects of your culture, or I mean, I don’t know what the culture is. But you can have a candlelight ceremony together. You can have no linking the arms drinking from the tea ceremony together, you can have, you can go to your own special place with a flower wreath around your head and commit yourselves to one another in a way that feels soulful. Yeah, so that you’re taking something that is mundane, and, and creating your own expression that has more magic in it. And maybe it’s tied to the same day or that same week or right. I’m feeling that in my heart. Yeah.

Ashley 19:34
Yeah. And those are the things that just in those last week, I’m starting to judge up my excitement for it. I think I want to do this and I think it’d be fun if I had a sunflower you know, little things that are meaningful that mean a lot to me and whatever it would mean for him to so absolutely like something special for us. Yes.

Kelli Russell 19:54
Yeah. Maybe there’s a way to exchange your own vows in private that night like Just sit on the ground cross legged, we’re going to have a lovely meal together with this beautiful candle. We’re going to share the our union and expression and you were talking about self expression, you know, has been really big for you. So maybe there’s a way to link yourselves together in a way that feels super special that is just between the two of you or even inviting your smallest closest friends to be in that space with you.

Ashley 20:28
Well, my idea that I came up with assuming what there’s Corona restrictions are lightening a bit So somebody may be able to come hopefully his parents at least but I’ve talked with this, the friends who introduced us to actually really fun story because it’s his guy, friend, and one of my best girlfriends from childhood. And then they had their friends over at this time when I was when the time when I was visiting. And then we met. So we have this really close couple friends who basically introduced us and I had the thought, and I’ve spoken to my girlfriend, but could they come be our witnesses since they essentially introduced us, and then we could all go out to dinner at the, at the restaurant that we were at when I met when I met on? So I kind of walked down the same path of us meeting that that day. And then that felt special, at least the idea of it. So it sounds beautiful. Yeah, yeah, a little something. But then I still I have all my I, I’m saying this lovingly, like my little airy fairy things that I want to do that he’s not quite as, you know, he doesn’t want to walk barefoot in the grass, like I do every day or something like that. But I know that I want to have a ceremonial Gemini type thing too.

Kelli Russell 21:44
Well, hopefully, if you express that there are certain things that feel very important to you. He would be willing to, even though he would be uncomfortable or wouldn’t be his his bag, he would still say, Okay, I’ll do this for you. I’ll take my shoes off. And we’ll go into the grass and I’ll hold your hands and all bow my love to you

Ashley 22:04
know, totally, he’s super open and absolutely open and I and he’s very much supportive of who I am and, and who I’ve declared to be. There’s been parts of myself that since being here away from San Diego, I’ve had to remember that I still have taken with me that just because I’m not in a vigorous yoga class five times a week or doing this or doing that, then I am still that person, although I’m developing new habits and new things, too. So I’ve been very, very clear with him about the things of who I am that i i Maybe identify more with my California so that he doesn’t get to see so much because we’re in Finland, but he of course, our time he Yeah, he supports up all that and gets into it with me. He might not be telling me. You know, this was divine design the way right thing, you know? Yeah, certainly with something so obvious. He’s like, Okay, this is one of your your things. And when did yeah.

Kelli Russell 23:06
I was just gonna say maybe there’s something that you would do for him, too, that might be a little bit out of your comfort zone. That would be more even his culture that

Ashley 23:17
I’m seeing as a vegetarian. All right. There you go. You know, so like, I yeah,

Kelli Russell 23:24
we’ll go hunting in the honor of our marriage. Right. Whenever we catch will be the dinner of our marriage. You’re like,

Ashley 23:32
Yeah, I’m all all about that. But again, I need to remind myself because this last year, just nothing has been normal. And I know that that’s essentially life. Really, it’s not just 2020 21 Yeah, it’s just more of in the the day to days of things and just kind of getting engulfed in each other’s energy almost too much as much as you love someone like I know, I am my best self and I have some solitude to put my take my spacesuit self off, as Terry Brock would say almost and just be a little more a little less. I’m not even sure where I’m going with that. But just it’s been an interesting year.

Kelli Russell 24:17
Yeah, I understand a lot. I was thinking to, as you talked in the beginning of our meeting, describing what it’s been like with your old self, your new self coming here. Really what you were speaking to is what so many people go through, despite moving across the country to another country is Yeah, reconciling who you were, who you are, who you want to be letting go the the things that you no longer want to take with you integrating those parts that you do want to bring to life in the present. And maybe those you know those playful, spirited confident parts there. What you’re describing can be so universal.

Ashley 25:05
Absolutely. or actual fortunate side of seeing a visual of oh, I moved from here to here. Yeah, they but the truth is like you said we’re always in that. In that group. Who

Kelli Russell 25:18
am I? Yeah, who am I? Who am I becoming? Where have I been? Yeah, yeah.

Ashley 25:23
Do I have to be that even though I look the same, but I don’t feel the same thing? Yeah. Yeah.

Kelli Russell 25:30
My dad tells me, he says, I feel 21 Until I look in the mirror. And then I say, Who’s that old man in the mirror?

Ashley 25:37
And I could totally Yeah, yeah, I’m sure one and I just heard just a month ago, I turned 30. So this is like, I I’m excited about I think it’s great. I think my 30s are gonna be awesome. I way better than 20s I think even. But it is something to recognize what’s going on with my body. Like, I want to be a mother. And I’ve always known that, but my body’s like screaming it now where I’ve always consciously thought I absolutely would like that. And now it’s like,

Kelli Russell 26:12
like, now now now. Yeah.

Ashley 26:15
My hands like Well, wait, wait, wait, you know, all those things. But

Kelli Russell 26:18
oh, my gosh. Yeah. Interesting. So I know so many exciting things. So it

Ashley 26:24
is really exciting. I really exciting. And again, this week, I’ve had a total shift of energy. If you and I had spoken two weeks ago, when I was letting myself be a little stressed about logistics of things and feeling a little engulfed in it. It’d be more like, oh, just you know, whatever. But now by myself some time and him a little day. I’m so looking forward, because I feel like when we get back together, it’s just gonna be like, Mary this summer. Awesome. So yeah.

Kelli Russell 26:52
That’s great. Okay, so now let’s, let’s shift into, see if there are any trapped emotions that are creating some sort of blockage so we can Extra Clear the energy. And this method is based on an idea that at certain times in your life, you may have felt an overwhelming emotion that was unprocessed for whatever reason, either. It’s too intense. It may be as simple as I don’t have time for this right now I have to go to work, shove the emotion down. I could be suppression or repression. So what we’re doing is identifying where there may be a blockage that’s causing or contributing to stress around these things. And we clear that energy and most people say I feel lighter and freer, I feel more expansive. So I’ll start muscle testing. And we’ll see what emotions come up. And sometimes it’s from your past. And sometimes it’s happening right now. I have this chart, it has rows and columns. And there are 60 Emotions before there used to be about over 200. But over time, the doctor that developed this method, he’s narrowed it down. So your system will choose the closest synonym. So it might not be exact, but it’ll be close. Okay, so let’s be in Is there a trapped emotion that’s causing or contributing to stress around cultural issues, as well as getting married and everything we talked about? So that’ll be our overarching goal? Is there a trapped emotion? Yes. It’s in column A No, it’s in column B. It’s in an odd row. Or two. It’s number one, it’s number two, there’s a feeling of helplessness. And helplessness and hopelessness have been probably the most prevalent emotions that I’ve cleared from people lately. I think just Just what the world is going through.

Ashley 28:44
Well, and also, I didn’t speak on this too much. But just to give you a little more, to be so reliant on on See, and I’m a fiercely independent person. So that has been a big thing, too. That’s probably interfered in our relationship too. But I’ve needed his help so much just to read a menu or so many things. So helplessness, at least that that came to my mind.

Kelli Russell 29:12
Now, if I if I joined you there in Finland, and you took me to a restaurant and you needed to help me with the menu, would you feel put out?

Ashley 29:20
No, I think I could help you. I’d be actually, I’d feel very excited that I right. I think

Kelli Russell 29:25
he probably does, too.

Ashley 29:27
Well, that’s true. Yeah, yeah. You know what I was like, got my car, I’m gonna go for a drive and go do my thing at the grocery store and go here, whatever. It’s just, yeah, it’s a story. I know. I have the story too.

Kelli Russell 29:43
Because when somebody comes, especially somebody you’re excited about and care about, it’s, I can envision a story in which they’re very excited to show you their the culture, the ways how you say something, how you do something. Right. And I don’t know the interaction between the two of you, but

Ashley 30:00
Write, write, and I have so many friends I can also call on. So I’m not. First of all, not alone, I have people who are so happy to help. And I love to help too. So when you flip it that way, it really helps to see, see it a little clearer.

Kelli Russell 30:16
Up until just recently, I still I dabble in it, but having difficulty receiving has been one of my learnings. And what I’ve come to understand lately is so much better when it’s a flow, I almost like a figure eight, I give, I receive, I give I receive, because when I block that, and I say, No, I can handle it, I can do it myself, I don’t need anything, I don’t want to take on anything, because then I might owe something, you know, it blocks it blocks that flow of energy between others. And when I allow that open flow, it feels so much better. And it provides a good feeling sense to the other people that wish to give. And when you say no, I don’t want that. It cuts off that feeling. So

Ashley 31:01
I like I like your fingery metaphor, the infinite. Yeah, that’s absolutely true,

Kelli Russell 31:05
it feels different than more than I allow the flow. And I’m gracious for help. It just feels very different and much better in my life anyway, so

Ashley 31:17
well, and at least in this case with me, and honestly, honestly, and I I’m sure we’ll have different terms where hopefully all the things in the state. So it’s, that’s how our relationship will always be. And I love it when I get to be the one doing that for him. And I just have to work on whatever’s whatever that block is that I’ve got

Kelli Russell 31:35
there. And I’m sure you’re already doing this. Because I’m interweaving my fingers together right now like a grid kind of like a ladder. And when we compliment each other, there are certain strengths that we have, and certain things that we would find. I don’t know if we even want to call it a weakness, but places where we’re not as strong. And usually when we partner up with somebody, it fits quite well. But the problem that people get into is they I’m bunching my fists up and now pushing the fist together, like clinking it together. Often we go, why can’t you be more like me? Or instead of going, Wow, we’re actually fit quite nicely together. And you have these certain strengths. And I have these other strengths. And it fits together in a groove. And I know that there are ways you’re already doing this. Now, if I were to ask him, what ways does she complement you? What has she brought to your life? What is she doing for you? That has been helpful? I know he’ll be able to answer that. Yeah, yeah, it’s just a different way. It’s just a different quality in his life that you’re bringing that is in a sec, a different sector. So let’s go ahead.

Ashley 32:49
I just was agreeing. I hear you. Yeah. I appreciate what you said. Yeah. So let’s check

Kelli Russell 32:54
this helplessness do we need to know more about that in order to release it, and I got to know. So either, that means this energy is just ready to be released, or we’ve already addressed it. It could be something that you’re already well aware of. So I release it using the governing meridian, which goes from the nose up the head down the back of the neck. And I’m releasing it from my physical body as its representation of your energy body, as I’m your proxy or your surrogate right now. And then I check to see is this emotion of helplessness now clear, and I get a yes. So we’re just going to keep moving on. Is there another trapped emotion that is causing or contributing to stress around cultural issues or getting married? Yes, it’s in column A. That’s a no column beads? Yes. odd rows and no, row two? No, row four. Yes. The one number two, four. So there’s a feeling of frustration? Do we need to know more about that to clear it? This one we do? Was it before? You’re 15? No. Before? 20? No. Before 25? Yes. at 20 at 21. This is frustration from age 21. And was this about a romantic relationship? That’s a no. Was this about your self expression? No. Was this about your career? No. Time dances no family of origin? No. All of those are testing. No. So could could you tell me what? Maybe you may have been frustrated about at age 21

Ashley 34:31
interesting when I was 21. I graduated from college. Yes, yeah. graduated from college. I was living in Kansas and moved to San Diego. Okay, so there was another big move. Yeah, another big move. Okay.

Kelli Russell 34:46
And what what? What may have been causing frustration around that move?

Ashley 34:55
Well, when I first arrived in San Diego was a very interesting experience. I landed with a woman I met on Craigslist that I had never ever met. And I think I got really entwined with some of her family stuff going on. She had troubles with. Well, this is what’s coming up. I don’t know if it’s

Kelli Russell 35:13
just let me check if we’re on the right track. And I gotta Yes, keep going. Yeah,

Ashley 35:18
she had a lot of troubles with her children at the time. And one of them’s name was Ashley. And I think I was getting a lot of her stuff from that. And I very short time, I’ve always been grateful because they got me to San Diego was like a launching pad. But they was, it was a strange beginning. And actually, the neighbor at that home is, uh, is currently helping me as an immigration lawyer for this marriage stuff. So I never want to not live with this woman I found on Craigslist at 21 years old just dealing with. But anyway, that’s that’s just what all came up to me. But

Kelli Russell 35:57
I got chills down my arms when you talked about the neighbor. That’s really?

Ashley 36:01
Yeah. And I just got him actually right when he told me that so. Yeah.

Kelli Russell 36:07
Yeah, good. I’ll see if we need to know anything more. Is there something else that we need to identify about frustration? I got a yes. We’re still on the right track. Yes. So talk a little bit deeper, maybe one or two more sentences about frustration. And let me read the definition because sometimes that helps just really pinpoint what it is we need to discover. Okay, exasperation being stuck, unable to progress feeling blocked from causing a change, or achieving an objective or goal. So see if you can speak directly to that.

Ashley 36:43
directly to that thinking about marriage and everything going on now?

Kelli Russell 36:47
This one would have been 21. So we have to go back. Yeah. Back into your 21 year old eyes. What will happen? Sorry, well, yeah, what may have been causing or contributing to that feeling of frustration, we need to bubble up a little bit more to the conscious awareness.

Ashley 37:05
Well, I was just beginning my career after college and pursuing that and I wasn’t

Kelli Russell 37:10
career Nope. I think this was about the move. The move.

Ashley 37:15
Well, it was my first on my own. I didn’t know anybody in San Diego not a single person. So I moved there completely on my own and started a whole new identity than to I

Kelli Russell 37:27
guess what was frustrating about that

Ashley 37:29
ration was frustrating.

Kelli Russell 37:35
Or it could have been what was the impetus to move was there anything frustrating that caused you to move?

Ashley 37:42
No, I was Cal I’m from California, so I felt very much that was home to go back to Okay. I mean, financially always struggled in that sort of thing. But that’s not careers not money. It’s not that moving in with that woman was really an interesting experience. There was a lot of frustration that entire time that I lived maybe three months it was in the fall when I was 21. So

Kelli Russell 38:05
we still need to know more. More about her no not more about her more about what it’s like shifting culture. Okay, we need to speak to Kansas has its own culture San Diego has its own culture, there’s some frustration around that shift for you. Okay, it might just be making new friends figuring out the way things work figuring out where to go but there’s something about this we need to speak to

Ashley 38:34
well one thing that I that I speak to a lot about when I’m in say introducing myself it’s like where are you from? I don’t have one answer. I am from I identify with Kansas so much identify with California so much and Finland too. So there could be frustration in wanting people to know who I am with a short answer but never having a short answer. I mean Kansas like you said identity their identity in Southern California

Kelli Russell 39:02
something more that we need to understand before we can release it still something else we need to figure out

Ashley 39:07
she What is iPhone feeling like a tingle here I started working for Penny Lane but that’s You said no career but there was a lot of a lot of emotional issues involved with that when I was leaving San Diego but that’s

Kelli Russell 39:27
not it. I just I just retested to see if it’s like if now that’s the thing that tested weak so that’s a no

Ashley 39:34
well leaving my mom was really hard. Your mom and I’m challenged now being far away from her in this moment. Okay.

Kelli Russell 39:45
Is there something else that we need to understand about this? Yes, they’re still that that hit? Yes. And there’s still something else more frustration. Tell me more about like feeling like you have to create a new identity

Ashley 40:03
Well, at that, speaking from that time,

Unknown Speaker 40:05
yeah. Back then,

Ashley 40:07
at that time I was going from being a college student to I need to be successful right away in some career thing, and are working right away. And and working right away. Let’s not. I pursued that I made that happen. But it maybe would have been a little more for I might have forced it a little bit.

Kelli Russell 40:30
Do you feel like you’re doing that now?

Ashley 40:32
Forcing it. Career wise, or just in life? I think I’m always kind of forced to think.

Kelli Russell 40:44
So, does that inspire a desire for a different way of doing things?

Ashley 40:51
Yes. Yes, I really, I love the idea of the surrender experiment. And just really trusting having faith. I mean, I’ve got it tattooed on me. Literally, my own handwriting, so I’m conscious, I have a deep, deep desire for it. But that’s why it threw me off so much when our scheduled today because I’m so on top of things. But I find myself in these moments of like, Okay, I gotta just like, yeah, be a little less, a little less of that.

Kelli Russell 41:28
See if that’s what this is about? And is there something more that we need to understand about frustration, guess what that was it. So and it’s like a life stage thing. So I’ve moved. I am, you know, excellent college, and I need a successful career. And this is what we do at this time. And then now you’re going through this new life stage thing? I’ve moved. Now is the time I’m getting married. I’d like to have a child, who am I? Right? There’s some big life change themes that are coming up questioning the identity.

Ashley 42:04
Yes, that that was those are words I didn’t use yet that I and I, I Yes. identities.

Kelli Russell 42:12
So rather than a natural unfolding, throughout the timeline of your life, why does it feel like you need to reinvent or re Identify yourself during these big moments?

Ashley 42:30
That’s a really great question that I I guess the, my little inner perfectionist, or neurotic nature, as I would call it is maybe the one who feels like I got to tie a tie all the bows and finish all the things and everything talks, maybe that’s at least what comes up to me.

Kelli Russell 42:55
How would you rather do that? Just

Ashley 43:02
really just having faith that everything falls into place organically. And that’s in surrender.

Kelli Russell 43:11
Having faith in the organic nature of things,

Ashley 43:16
because I know from experience that that’s how things work and that things are better suited to their own path than whatever I could pick or, or think so that could also be a frustration thing. That I that started from 21, that perhaps I’m a little upset with myself that I did so much forcing at that time. And I didn’t just allow a little more of the fluidity of things. Well, what

Kelli Russell 43:44
happens is, at that time, you were doing your best with all the information that you had and the toolbox that you were using. And then as we move we gain new information, new skill set, new, expansive way of being and thinking. And with these new wise eyes, we’ve judged our past self. My my daughter’s an artist, a sketch artist, and I have this box saved of her art work. And I liken this to us going into that art book and taking one of those images and ripping it up and throwing it away. Her art now has progressed so much, but it doesn’t negate the beautiful place that she was at then. And it informs your journey because you’re you thought to yourself, the resistance that I feel when I’m forcing too much doesn’t isn’t isn’t the way that I wish to behave. I want to get into the flow of the universe, the flow of nature more. And with that rocket of desire. You have started to move in that direction. You’ve tattooed it on your arm you’re aware and conscious slowly evolving. You’re practicing it. And what we practice a lot we’ll get good at. So there’s no regrets about the past you. It’s like, okay, that’s what I realized then, which caused me to have this desire to do things differently. That’s what I’m practicing now. I’m getting better and better at it every day. Absolutely.

Ashley 45:21
There’s a really beautiful Maya Angelou quote, and I think something a lot along the lines of, you have to forgive yourself for what you didn’t know, before you learned. Yes. And so I absolutely yeah, I definitely catch myself so often, like, Oh, if I had done it that way, or this way, not even with big things with tiny things, silly, silly, tiny things. So I do that to myself, often, which I know is energetically really draining. And and absolutely can use my as words to that.

Kelli Russell 45:55
It’s just a reminder, as soon as your mind goes that way, I know that people, you and other people, we look at a situation, we come up with as many different ideas as we can for a possible solution. And we choose the one that feels like it’s going to be the best, right? We don’t, we don’t look at the possibilities and go and choose the one that feels the worst or that feels medium, we do our best to select the one that that seems like the best choice out of what we’ve got. And we do it right. And then of course, in hindsight, we’re like, oh, I should have done it that way. Or it would have been easier this way. Or now some new tool has come into my environment. If only I had it then right? We can’t go backwards, all we can do is go forward, and we go, oh, this new tool came in, oh, I’ve got more information. Now when I when I operate next time, it’s going to be smoother, easier. I have another resource, right?

Ashley 46:49
I could really be the frustration too, because I am so good at doing that to myself. So getting out of that pattern and out of whatever that that is that can just really like weigh me down. And frankly, also be really annoying for other people. You know, my poor man friend, it’s like he’s like, Would you quit? Like, oh, you know, whatever things. I could give you a zillion examples.

Kelli Russell 47:14
Okay, then. So this is just a nudge, a nudge I call it’s like HIIT training, high intensity interval training for the mind, because the mind is going to pull you back. It’s trying to plan and protect and it over generalizes everything. So it wants to remind you of all these other things, right? And then as soon as you recognize you just go, nope, I made the best decision that I could with the info at that moment. And moving on, what do I need to know now? Right, or putting that in the toolbox for next time?

Ashley 47:42
Yeah, and I there’s an author who spoke to that I wrote on a sticky note, to remind myself rather than going through get tattooed right away. Just when you when you catch your mind doing that is to just acknowledge like, Thank you, but I choose to be here right now. I love that. Oh, there’s

Kelli Russell 48:00
there’s a guy that I love on Tik Tok and Instagram. He’s called sa sh Simone. And he will call his that part of his brain Bianca with a K. And he’ll say okay, but Bianca I hear you girl but not today.

Ashley 48:20
A personal name to not just like oh my ego or anything but yeah, personally, I look at it a lot like the angel and devil Oh, I So visualize myself and some days the angels just bigger or some days the devils a little bigger. So you know, here one or the other better easier. Yeah.

Kelli Russell 48:39
That’s all great examples. Okay, so we can release this frustration now. There was nothing else that we needed to identify about that. So we want to release that stuck energy

okay, is this trapped emotion of frustration now released? I got a yes. And is there another trapped emotion that we can release? That’s around multicultural issues and getting married? Yes. Is there an emotional resonance that would take priority? Yes. A resonance is when it vibrates through your whole being almost like struck like a bell. So let’s check as to in column A No, from column B. Row 241. feeling of depression. So it could be from the past. We’ll see. Did this get stuck before? You’re 20? No. Before you were 25? Yes. Was it at 2221 22 This was age 23. So what was going on around 23 that may have caused or contributed to that feeling?

Ashley 49:47
I just have to speak but I feel so much energy right now. Here. Like I can just feel it. That again, was when I was just really sorry. struggling financially to live in Southern California. And working for a small business that I had so much passion and heart for, but kind of walked away from with a really broken heart. And that might have been when it really started to set in and then more negative, or that those things but yeah,

Kelli Russell 50:24
and for those that are listening to us, when you say you’re feeling that energy right here, you put your hands on your chest. So what is what does that feel like? Does it feel hot, it’s getting warm,

Ashley 50:35
radiating of energy from my my chest, I can just feel it. And I could feel when you said the word depression, I could feel like a strike of emotion. Okay, too.

Kelli Russell 50:47
So let’s see. Do we need to know anything more about this in order to clear it? Yes, we do. Are we on the right track with what you’ve already said? Yes. Okay, let me read this definition. So there is more that we need to identify here. The state of being sad, gloomy, low, and spirits dejected. Often a secondary emotion caused by anger turned inward at the self, and feelings of shame and guilt, etc. So tell me about a little bit more. Let’s let’s go a little bit deeper. About that. 23

Ashley 51:27
Your, or your Oh, you

Kelli Russell 51:29
do? Yeah, you did that. So age 23. And we were on the right track with what you’ve already said. But there is something else that we need to acknowledge. It might be a slightly different topic, or it might be what’s underneath that.

Ashley 51:42
I think there was a lot that came up at that time with worthiness. Okay, I was being told and maybe embodying that because of my age I was only you know, I was being paid good enough for somebody my age or dessert so much or kind of being heard second because I was the young voice in the in the group rather than taking more seriously without being so young. That is what I mean

Kelli Russell 52:15
that test strong and is there anything else that we need to understand about depression or to clear it? Yes, there’s something else let me chart checking other things so family of origin No. Did it have to do with a romantic relationship or not having one yes. So what was going on in that department at that time? Either having one or not having one?

Ashley 52:37
I have to remember my history now but I think at that point I might have also been dating a man from Kansas who moved to San Diego

Kelli Russell 52:45
yes that’s what this is about. I checked dating a man from Kansas I got a yes that’s what this is about. I got to know as there’s something else in the romantic department. Yes. Okay. I mean may could that have been when you realize it wasn’t working out or it was working out or it wasn’t working wasn’t working out? Okay, wasn’t working out or something else? Okay, something to do. Go ahead.

Ashley 53:17
I just made a connection that at that point I was living living in the same home that I was working out of and there was living arrangement that had been promised to me that didn’t happen and then my my whole I think resentment really started to build from there with the work stuff and and that the guy from Kansas lived with me at that st in the same apartment attached to the house. So I don’t know if all of that

Kelli Russell 53:39
okay. And that relationship wasn’t working very well.

Ashley 53:44
At that time in that house, it was okay but then shortly thereafter

Kelli Russell 53:48
Okay. Have we identified what we need do we need to know more about depression we’re still yes we’ve identified those things but yes, there’s still something more that we need to understand

Ashley 54:03
we’re worthy impression

Kelli Russell 54:04
I got that already. worthiness only deserve so much because of your age. So you start questioning yourself living and working in the same home struggling financially there’s still something else causing or contributing to that depression. It was your own emotion and other person know.

Sometimes depression is when we’re ruminating about the past. Was there any of that going on like or just feeling like really low? sad about something?

Ashley 54:51
I definitely felt really low at that time of questioning my my worth or or you know, just different Weird personal life mixed with career life. But there was never really ever a boundary there anyway, because the folks I worked for they are like family to me, they still are even. But it was really challenging. Because like, can I give an example? I don’t know if this would help. But sure. I was. I, the whole reason I moved into this home was that there was an attached department and that was to be for me. Well, then it worked out. But my boss’s brother needed a place to live. So I got put off to a different room, temporarily until then. And then I got put off again to another room because of another thing. And then late then when I was eager waiting to get into that place, my boss said, Well, you can’t afford it anyways. Wow. That always really stuck with me because I only moved there for that reason that that kind of worthiness stuff, those sort of things. Although she was the one paying me, you know, the whole thing was just, I think a lot of depression really started then with that dynamic of things. So,

Kelli Russell 56:05
yeah, that’s understandable. Okay. Have we identified what we need to? Is there still more that we need to understand about this depression? Okay, now we can really sit. Okay. All right, so we’re releasing this trapped emotion of depression from age 23. This was an emotional resonance which rings like a bell throughout your whole being and you’re letting that energy go now. It’s no longer needed as a messenger okay, just trapped emotion is now released. So what do you understand about that? Now let’s let’s shift to your wisdom self at this age. What do you have to say about all that now? What would you like yourself to believe?

Ashley 56:57
That had I had the right words, I would have spoken out for myself at that time. I need not feel bad that I didn’t.

Kelli Russell 57:07
What about your worth now?

Ashley 57:11
I would say I’m still working on that.

Kelli Russell 57:14
Well, let’s create something about if I had a magic genie lamp, and I could say, poof, this is how it is. This is how you look at yourself. This is your worth. Now, if we could switch lifelines, pick you up and put you in a new quadrant in which this is possible. And it’s already your experience. And this is your new state of operation. What would that be?

Ashley 57:45
That I am worthy that I just simply being confident in my worth. Not feeling that there’s somebody else or someone else better. Just be in really embodying that and I have to say that I find myself a little challenge just even saying that because I was raised and it still is so instilled in me that I know that I am what I think I know that I think I can I know I can Thomas the Tank Engine thing that was from my dad from my whole childhood. So when I say that, I almost want to say to you, but I do know that I cry. Yeah. I do know that but I guess embodying it is different than knowing.

Kelli Russell 58:25
Okay, what would it look like to embody that? I got chills again, by the way.

Ashley 58:29
Okay. Okay. Cool. I love that. Um, what would it look like to embody that? To not feel defeated with any rejection?

Kelli Russell 58:38
Wait, pause there, because that’s not doing. Okay. Okay. So if you weren’t doing that, what would you be doing?

Ashley 58:46
To trust that rejection is really just redirection. Mm hmm. Perhaps and again, that’s like one of my favorite quotes. I try to work on that. But when you’re in the moment, let’s say getting turned down for a job or something. embodying that, that means something better is

Kelli Russell 59:04
coming. It’s reminding yourself, yeah, reminding myself reminding yourself, I’m not good enough.

Ashley 59:12
Living from a space of, well, there’s something better for me.

Kelli Russell 59:15
Now, the story I’m telling myself is I must not be good enough. But I know that story is a lie. Therefore, I’m remembering that I am redirected towards what’s going to be better for me better suited for me. Okay, what else? I think we were on. I think we can come up with a couple more here. When you are embodying worth and confidence, what would you see in your life that would be different.

Ashley 59:48
I’m embodying worth in confidence. What I would see to be different is perhaps to just say This has given me a real thinker here.

Kelli Russell 1:00:02
That’s good. And try to send that the question down into your body and into your heart.

Yeah, if you’re embodying the worth that you know is there, you have been told this from the time you’re a little girl, you know this to be true. Then how would this express in your life now how would you embody this more

Ashley 1:00:32
silent knowing just like a stillness, a quiet. I find myself often feeling like I need to explain who I am what I am, but really, you talking out loud to probably my own self. So just I’m hearing silence, stillness, quiet.

So like, for example, if I’m triggered by something that would normally find my dog is squeaking her toy. And

Kelli Russell 1:01:03
that’s okay, no worries.

Ashley 1:01:04
If I’m, if I’m triggered by something that I would be less reactive to it, because I’m in this stillness in this comfort of knowing

Kelli Russell 1:01:12
that you just tied our whole conversation in together. This is what this is the culmination. Because when you talked about going to the dog park, or when you’re in a new culture, or when you somebody asks you where you’re from, and you feel I have to explain myself to others. They need they need to know who I am. Yeah, right. It’s kind of like a person who may feel, let’s say, somebody feels insecure about their intelligence. So they learn a lot of information. And then when they’re around people, they have to tell everyone what they know. Let me show you how much I know about this subject, and this subject and this subject so that you can see how intelligent I am. Or somebody that feels insecure about their worth, and they want to look at money, I once had a man at a restaurant, share with me about his $80,000, watch for a good 20 minutes, I’ve got this $80,000, watch, these are all the things that it can do. This was the watchmaker, this is where they live, this is the story about this type of mechanism within the watch. Right? When you have a knowing when you know your worth, when you know who you are underneath it all, then you don’t have a need to I need to explain my whole story. You need to know my identity I need to show you. Because you just have that silent knowing right? It’s just within you. And then you don’t have to feel like I have to jump into the conversation. Or you need to know where I come from. Or I need to know all the rules here because I don’t want to mess

Ashley 1:02:46
up. Yes, yes. No, exactly. Yeah, that really resonates. You’re right.

Kelli Russell 1:02:50
So how do you how do you get into that silent, quiet knowing? Does it look like you’re meditating each day? Does it look like the hit training for the mind where you’re just reminding yourself? How can you get into that silent, quiet, knowing better?

Ashley 1:03:03
Well, you just said exactly what my my first thought was to meditating every day, which in this last week, I’ve I’m on like, eight, nine days in a row solid. Feeling like I know, I know what I need. But I haven’t been finding the space for it in whatever ways that I have created that now. And yeah, it’s been interesting again, being in this kind of like, different part of the world where the depression of this weather changes so much. And so things like that. So I found myself kind of awakening again with the springs and doing more meditation. So to answer your question, meditation, I do think, is absolutely that. I do really benefit from vigorous exercise. And I have not been getting enough of that I, I’m active every day, in many ways. I just really miss like sweat, workout, like a spin class where you get that energy really moving and

Kelli Russell 1:04:03
that type of thing? And is this possible with the level of shutdown that your country is going through right now?

Ashley 1:04:11
I guess it would be if I joined the local gym, I think I probably could. I’ve been just on my mat in my living room. Every day, doing anything I can and, and walking my dog. She’s quite young, but I’m doing a lot there. So I haven’t taken the time to add that in addition, but I know from experience within my own energy that when I’m having those regular sweat sessions from from body movement, that there is this stillness in me. That is a like to meditation but I prioritize meditation over it.

Kelli Russell 1:04:51
We’re coming up to the end of our session, and what I like to do is add in a couple of things action steps. Regarding what you can do when your partner comes back, and the retreats are over, what could you do to honor your space a bit more to take care of your spirit in a way that is helpful for you as well as will help the relationship because when you’re in that high vibrational place, it enhances every relationship. So after experiencing this time, this much needed time, what is something you can integrate into your life now? To help support you?

Ashley 1:05:34
Honestly, I really think honoring a bedtime, okay? At a certain time, I if I wake up by six or 630 in the morning, I am guaranteed to be in a good time. It’s just I I really thrive with early morning because then I have my own quiet time. Okay. Good day with also just vibrationally like the morning so much. fulfills me so I haven’t on I haven’t I haven’t honored that I’ve been working on that. But now in this, this space, like continuing to stay firm with myself with that. I do want to be flexible of course, because life you know, sometimes the sleeping snuggle session is really nice, you know, and that’s what you need. But I know from honoring, taking care of my vibration, a morning meditation every morning, is really when I got to have

Kelli Russell 1:06:29
what it makes sense to be. Monday through Friday, I get up at 6am I meditate every day weekends snuggle session. I know that the world is all discombobulated now where there’s so much blending. And maybe it would look different, or there would be different days. But with any of that makes sense. Because then you have days where you’re like we are sleeping in today. It’s gonna you know,

Ashley 1:06:55
you look forward to it. It’s like a treat. You get to enjoy it. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And that’s what I’ve been practicing. I feel like even since he was here, I’ve been practicing it more, there’s just been some changes within our home that have helped me with that, like getting a new mattress, little things that have helped with my rest to be more fulfilled. So yes, I do think that would work for me like a Monday through Friday, and then looking forward to the weekend. And just taking care of it. I mean, there’s this funny two sides to every coin, you know, I don’t want to be so rigid. But I also know that that’s not a rigidity. That’s a that’s really me being my best self. By being up early in the morning.

Kelli Russell 1:07:32
It’s caretaking. That’s one of the things that lights you up and fuels you

Ashley 1:07:36
it is even if I haven’t had enough sleep to be up in the morning, it’s it battles the any depression that would want to live, it truly makes me feel so good.

Kelli Russell 1:07:46
And anything else, anything else that you think would help cultivate space for you, even when you’re living in partnership with somebody every day

Ashley 1:08:01
maybe being okay with just walking up taking a walk outside if I need to. And recognizing that that’s a good shift of energy. Because I think our energies are always a little too much to recognizing what shifts my energy when I in the need of it. It’s easy for me when I’m in the like, schedules not the right word. But when I’m practicing it intentionally versus let’s say when I’m my emotions are a little hijacked. Remembering how to bring myself back in that moment by just going for a walk around for

Kelli Russell 1:08:41
a walk. Yeah. Alright, so some some tools for you are vigorous exercise, meditating, regular morning, wake up. And recognizing when you’re out of alignment with yourself that you have tools, and that you can use them and just going for a walk changes that energy your nature can breathe, you have more space, come back to yourself.

Ashley 1:09:08
Yeah, typically be like the last one that you spoke to, specifically when I’m in that space that I’m not maybe subconscious because I’ve got a little derailed from an emotional situation or something that’s temporary. So I just want to move through it. Or serving way

Kelli Russell 1:09:28
and recognition. So I record and often will recognize after the fact we’re like Ah, right, and then we start to get more awareness and then you’ll recognize it at the very end of an interaction. Then you start to get in the middle and then like a second before you’ll start to feel that welling up and you’re like I need to go for a walk. I will see you. Yep. Yeah, yeah. And remembering what your father taught you, remembering that you are in body worth and confidence that exists with Then you at all times, that has nothing to do with the story of your identity with whatever job you’re doing with whatever place you’re living in, it has only to do with the core of you at your energy center, which is always 100%. whole and complete. We just forget. And then we need to remind ourselves and go, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know this.

Ashley 1:10:25
Oh, true. It’s so true. Yeah, that’s Yeah, absolutely. I’m really I’m really listening to so many books that I, you know, listened to before and hearing things that I’ve heard, but just it’s so, so reviving to hear again, your point? Exactly, yeah.

Kelli Russell 1:10:45
And sending that knowledge into the heart, because we can over mentalize, we can learn so much information. And, and we try to make sense of it all with the brain. The brain has its place, but more and more these days, sending into the body, that information connecting to that space at the heart where that True Knowledge emanates. And the brain is just kind of doing this thing. And I’ll just pat my head, I’ll go okay, breathe. Thank you. And then I’ll write send that energy. They’re remembering what I need to remember into that heart space. And then that’s, that feels more true and more real for me, then the fluctuations of the mind.

Ashley 1:11:31
Yeah, absolutely. I actually I like to use the metaphor of like a sand timer, getting all the sand out of your head to constantly I like

Kelli Russell 1:11:41
that, change it

Ashley 1:11:42
or switch the direction. The sand is always going towards your heart, or I like that, like what you’re saying, Get out of your head.

Kelli Russell 1:11:50
Yeah, I love it. So we were able to release the trapped emotions of helplessness and frustration, as well as the emotional resonance of depression. With emotional clearing, sometimes for one or two days, you might feel energetically, sometimes people get more hyper. And sometimes people get, they feel like they need a nap. Sometimes, you might have vivid dreams for one or two nights. And sometimes people feel a little bit emotionally tender. Like they’ll say, I was watching a stupid commercial and a tear came out of my eyelids. So you’re wrong. Yeah, a little more rock perhaps. So usually, that occurs within a couple of days. And then that fades away. And then mostly what I hear from people is I feel lighter and freer as if a weight has been lifted off of me. So every experience is different. But hopefully, you’ll experience something similar to that. Yeah,

Ashley 1:12:47
I already could feel truly the energetic vibes or vibrations, at least swirling around or radiating. So I have no doubt that it’s going to continue over the next couple hours. And yeah, I really appreciate I love that stuff. So

Kelli Russell 1:13:05
great. Do you have a bath there? At your house? No. Okay. So sometimes, sometimes your body would like an Epsom salt or a sea salt bath, but it also could be a scrub. So let me see if that’s necessary. It would be helpful and necessary to do a salt scrub, I got to know. And Epsom salt scrub. I got to know so not necessary. And I have a dry brush that I often helps me it test strong. I don’t think it’s needed for the work that we did. But your body your body was like yeah, that’s good. Yes, on that. Okay, so thank you so much for joining me today. It was just so delightful to have this conversation in this exploration. And thank you for your vulnerability and sharing yourself and your life experience and all these beautiful new ways of looking at things too. And this beautiful quotes that you share and the timer I like so much, but you said as well. So thank you so much, Ashley, know you’re very

Ashley 1:14:06
welcome. Thank you so much. Just an honor truly, and really brings pleasure to me to share all that. So thank you very much.

Kelli Russell 1:14:14
Thank you. Bye, everybody.