Podcast Episode 015 – Eleven Miles Of Bricks Around My Heart – Session Interview – Kelli & Shelley
|Have you ever wanted to be a “fly on the wall” for someone’s emotional energy clearing session to see what it’s like? In this episode, you’ll hear Kelli assist Shelly in releasing her heart wall using emotion code therapy.
They talk about overcoming the conflicting messages Shelley was told like, “You need to get out there and work, but you will never survive in the real world.” and the pain of abandonment she felt when her mother’s boyfriends left without a word of closure.
Shelley has some great advice for single moms out there after being on both sides of the situation. They release trapped emotions from the wall of protection she’d built around her heart, and acknowledge the new way she’s moving forward in the world choosing her own path, updating her beliefs, and recognizing that she can accomplish anything she wants!
Shelley Burkhart – Empowerment Mentor building Emotional Intelligence for ages 13 and up by Strengthening who you are.
Reach out to Shelley at firstname.lastname@example.org
And learn more about all her great offerings here:
Podcast www.anchor.fm/feelempoweredeveryday also found on Spotify
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Kelli Russell 0:01
Hello, welcome to radical enlightenment. This is Kelli. And today I have with me Shelley say hello to everybody, Shelley. Hi, everyone. Hi. So we were talking a little bit beforehand. And today we are going to work on clearing Shelley’s heart wall. This is something that we talked about in a previous time that we met. And at the time that we met, your system said your heart wall was to 25 miles of brick.
Yes. And which is perfect, because I was married for 25 years.
Kelli Russell 0:41
Oh, wow. Interesting. And for those that don’t know, the heart wall is a metaphysical wall that we build around our heart to protect ourselves, sometimes started at childhood, when we start receiving information from adults or people that we come into contact with that our judgments are harmful things that we need to protect ourselves for. Because we’re tender, you know, sometimes we grow up in environments that aren’t safe either. But as we get older, and we develop more abilities to manage ourselves in the world, it becomes like we’re living in a bunker. And then when we’re trying to connect with others in a deep way, it’s like this wall is there. And sometimes it causes problems in our life, because it’s a lack of feeling a lack of emotion, like, we can blend out the low lows, but then we’re are always missing out on the high highs as well. And you stay somewhere in the middle. And sometimes with people trying to connect to some, like, I want to find my soulmate, or I want to find that special someone in my life. But they’re like, I’m just not finding them, or it’s just not connecting, or I meet people, and then they don’t end up, you know, following up or calling back. And it’s because that wall is blocking you. And from having that heart to heart. So someone might meet that person and say, oh, yeah, they were really cool, but I just wasn’t feeling it, that type of thing. So we are able to release, at least start releasing that today. And it was while last time we checked that out. So maybe that number has changed. So we’ll go ahead and check that again to see if maybe it’s not quite as big anymore knows. And this is a metaphysical wall. And it’s just a way of looking at it. Some people will say, Well, I have one that’s made of titanium, I have one that’s made of wood, Rose thorns, rubber bubbles, it’s whatever is your perception of what that wall is like. And then I muscle test to see if that’s resonating as truth with your system. Because sometimes somebody will say, Oh, it’s wood, and their body will say no, it’s not wood. What else is it? Oh, it’s brick. Okay. Yeah, that’s what your body is saying it is. And then same with the width, the distance, it’s just a way for us to gauge how much we’re getting through, like at the end of a session, we can see. Okay, how much is left? Half? Did we make it through three quarters? So it’s just a playful way to gauge how we look at that wall that we have around our heart. So does it feel still made a brick? Start there?
I would say probably still brick. That’s what I felt like when I was in my marriage that I would do is each little like the marriage kind of ended death by 1000 cuts and I feel like that was each brick going up the wall to finally topple but I have I don’t know that it’s as strong as it was then. Okay. feel much like a different person now. Okay, I’m curious to see what it’s going to measure at now.
Kelli Russell 3:48
Okay. So before it was 25. And as you were talking, I did muscle test to see if it was resonant as bricks. And yes, your system agrees with that. Okay, since it was 25 I’m just going to divide it in half. Is it now less than 12? Well, that tested strong. I wasn’t expecting that. I was like, Wait a minute. What is it now? Less than five? I got to know is an Allison seven. I got a no less than eight. No less than nine? No. Is it 10? It’s 11. Okay, so it’s 11 so you reduced it by more than half. Whatever you’ve been doing.
Kelli Russell 4:29
Ah, that’s great. 11 feet of bricks.
I think it was 11 feet or miles.
Kelli Russell 4:40
It was my well. Let me check again. I think you’re right. So miles thick and I was just checking the number so I don’t think it’ll affect what I just did there. But I’ll double check. miles you’re absolutely right. Wow. A lot of miles. Okay, So I’ll just ask the question, is it now? 11 miles of bricks? I gotta Yes. Okay, so that’s where we’re at now we’re reducing that. Okay, so with this work, we’re just starting like layers of an onion. And it doesn’t necessarily select the one. Like, sometimes people are like, Oh, I thought this big major trauma would be the one that comes first, it doesn’t really work like that. It’s just we’re asking to be guided by your wisdom self, your highest self. And I’m muscle testing and certification or by proxy for you. So I’m receiving the message that your energy is sending me, Is it strong? Or is it weak? And that helps guide me to the appropriate answers. So we’ll see what we uncover. So the first emotion that we can release from your heart is in column A, and I got a weak response. So that means it’s in column B, is it in an odd row? I got Yes. Is it in row one? That’s no growth. Three is no row five is? Yes. So it’s B five number one, that’s no b five two is? Yes. Okay, B five, two. So there’s creative insecurity at the heart wall. And this can be anything in your life you’re creating. It could be I’m cremate creating a financial plan for seniors. It can be like I’m creating a garden, or I’m creating something at work. It could be anything. So creative. I’m creating a relationship. No. And then we’ll find out do we need to know more about this in order to clear it? And I gotta Yes. And Shelley, what is your current age? Because I’ll have to divide it in half. If you want. Okay, so did it happen before? You’re 25? Yes. Did it happen before? 15? No, before 20? Is No. Is it at 20 now at 21 at 22. So this was a creative insecurity at 22. Double check that. So does anything stand out in your life at that time?
That’s when I get married. Okay.
Kelli Russell 6:56
And do you think it was simply the marriage or was there also stuff going on? Like, I’m changing now my work or what am I going to do for a job? Like, was there anything like that going on to
there was a lot going on around getting married? Okay. Yeah, it was a happy but stressful situation.
Kelli Russell 7:17
Okay. Let me see. Do we need to know more about that to clear it? And I got a yes. Okay. We’re on the right track that test? Yes. Is all of it about the marriage? Yes. Okay. So tell me why. Let me read the definition of creative insecurity. And then sometimes that helps pinpoint exactly what we need to bubble to the surface of awareness. I already know. You might not even need to say it out loud. So let me check that. So hold on. It’s something that you need to say out loud. Okay. And it is what she’s thinking. And there’s something else we need to know, it is what you’re thinking, but there’s something else we need to know. So we’re doing good, there’s still something else. Can you think of anything else that we need to identify
a pregnancy I was creating others.
Kelli Russell 8:12
And it’s feeling unsafe or untrusting the self about the creation of something so maybe the creation of the family
so is that that we need to figure out and we need to know more, okay, that’s what we need to at least identify. And I said do we need to know more got a weak response. So we can release that now. So Shelley, also has this magnet. And we have the same type of magnet that we use to release the energy, it’s a symbol of letting go, we use the governing meridian, which goes from your nose, through the middle of your forehead to the crown of the head, down the back of the head down the neck, and it goes all the way down the spine. So when we’re releasing stuck energy, we can use any part of that line in order to clear the energy. And Shelley and I were talking beforehand, she also has the same type of magnet which just helps intensify that intention, the intention of releasing that stuck energy. And we’re going to release that together. So let’s do that now. Now, Dr. Bradley Nelson developed this method, a way to talk to the subconscious and he says we only need three swipes down the governing meridian, but I like to do about five or six and then surely when you’ve done this, how many swipes Do you usually like to do? Have you done any by yourself? No,
I don’t count. I just do it until I stop I don’t Yeah, maybe I just feel it. I don’t know.
Kelli Russell 9:43
I tend to like a few more than three I don’t know it just feels a little bit better to me. So yeah. Okay, so then we do a post test is this creative insecurity now released and I got a yes. So we just keep on going. Is there another trapped emotion we can clear from your heart wall today? Yes, it’s in column A and So yes, odd rows and no, row two is yes. number one number two. Okay, there’s a feeling of despair which is a loss of hope. Spare okay. And this despair do we need to know more about that to clear it? Yes we do. Did it happen before 25? No, before 35 No before 45 no, is more recent before 50 No. So this is a recent one at 50 at 51 This one is this year. So this is despair, a loss of hope difficult or unable to be helped or comforted. And the whole world has gone through so many changes. So, I’m sure that there are so many people that are feeling similar things. Do you feel like sharing why? Or if it’s too personal, you don’t have to share it out loud and
I just, uh, two weeks ago, put my 15 year old dog down so that could
Kelli Russell 11:04
that got the testing strong? Yes. And that
was a very difficult decision.
Kelli Russell 11:09
is there something more that we need to know about this despair? Yes. Is it something in addition to this? No. Okay, she’s just said out loud so you need to say out loud why so obvious but your system was going to talk about it? Yeah, was it despair
for me because it was I still felt very questionable of if it was the right timing or not. And I think I’d probably carry a little bit of guilt and sadness that maybe I second guessed myself that it was too soon to put her down. I don’t know if it was the right timing but I know she was suffering a bit and living in dignity but she still had a little edge to her so I struggled with the decision
Kelli Russell 12:12
let me see Is there something more about this that we need to understand and I got to know so we can release that energy now so if he and you’re welcome to do it with me you don’t have to if you, if you feel like you want to you, can release that with me as well. Okay, and is this emotion despair now clear? And I got a yes. Okay, is there another trapped emotion that we can release from your heart wall Yes. in column A lot row. Three one feeling of crying so this may be pent up emotions where you want to cry, but it’s not coming out or? Or it could be actual crying. And do we need to know more about that? Yes. Was it before you’re 25? No. Before 35? No. Before 45 known before 50? No. Because all this was also about your dog
Okay, do we need to know more about that? Yes. Was there something else to be crying about? No. She has conscious knowledge of what we need to discuss. Yeah. Okay, so what was going on with the crying either you were letting it flow or you were holding it back but this was also about your dog
my dog was crying because
Kelli Russell 13:37
it was you your feeling about putting your dog down or your dog’s health? So what was going on with you about crying?
I don’t know if maybe it was extra emotional to me because it was another part of my family that has broken apart then you know, like, I had the marriage and empty nest all in the same year. Then I think maybe she was kind of my last glue to my family dynamic. And maybe that was in looking I’m crying talking about it. There’s a crying issue there.
Kelli Russell 14:25
Not an issue. It just says where there’s something a little bit stuck there.
Yeah. So I think I just was holding on to still having my family feel like a family through her maybe.
Kelli Russell 14:40
Okay. Is that what we need to know? Yes. Is there something more that we need to identify about this? No. Okay, we figured it out. Okay. Okay, so I’ll release that stuck energy of crying. And you just released it too, by actually doing the have just like, let it roll, letting it flow.
And it’s funny because she wasn’t like the most affectionate dog. She would like even like, sigh when I walked into the room and leave like she was horrible for my self esteem. For myself phone, not what a dog usually provides for you. I just was literally saying to my kids the other day, I’m so sad about her being gone, but I kind of don’t understand why because she just was always there, you know. And so me I think I just discovered it going through this as to why I’ve been so sad about it. Yeah, like, she didn’t really even act like she liked me. Oh, she just had a very funny temperament from
Kelli Russell 15:48
Oh, yeah. It’s when I walk in the room, she would literally like,
leave the room like, Okay, I’ll leave if you’re going to be in here.
Kelli Russell 16:03
Oh, my gosh. Okay, let me check. Is this feeling of crying now released? Yes. Is there another trapped emotion we can clear from your heart wall? Yes. It’s in column A. Row one, row three. And number two, feeling of discouragement.
And did this discouragement get stuck? Or do we even need to know more about why yes, we do. Was it before? 25? No. Before 35? No. Before 45? Yes. Before 40? No. 4041. This was discouragement at age 41. Do we need to know more than that to clear it? Yes. So this was 10 years ago? Does this have to do with your love life? This was no. Your children know, your work. This has something to do work oriented?
Yep. So and we need to know more about this right. Let
Kelli Russell 17:07
me let me check because now you identify that so let me see if we still do we need to know more about that. Yes. Are we on the right track? Yes. So usually it takes just a couple of sentences.
Yeah, that’s fine. I was a stay at home mom and one of the tensions with my marriage was my ex got to the point where he said you need to go to work. Okay. And I said I am working being home with my kids. Yes. And that was a big issue and in the divorce through the whole trial is winning, you know, he talked a lot about that. So literally, there were a lot of issues with that so then I felt like I wasn’t doing enough because I wasn’t working as well.
Kelli Russell 17:53
Okay. Is there still something more about discouragement that we need to know they’re still more
okay. isn’t about still about work and about that
Kelli Russell 18:06
work? It’s about him say out loud My name is George because sometimes when I get a lot of Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I just want to double check that we’re still muscle testing so yeah, say my name is George Say it like you mean it? My name is George. Okay that tested week so we asked we do need to still no more
okay. So on one hand is was the pressure of you need to go to work you need to go to work but then I was also told that you could never survive in the real world and you’ll never be able to go out and do anything and now and in the first time in my life I’m actually trying to really build a career for myself and I hear those words a lot so that was very discouraging to me that I’m supposed to do this but yet you’re going to fail
Kelli Russell 18:57
have we identified what we need to? that tested strong. Do we still need to know anything more about this in order to clear I?t that tested weak. Okay, so we can release that stuck energy now that discouragement.
Okay, is this discouragement now clear? Yes. What is the belief that you would rather install that what would you rather believe about your ability to go into the real world let’s create that now. Like an affirmation
I am capable of accomplishing whatever I want. And that what I want. matters. It doesn’t. I worry sometimes that what I do Trying to do isn’t enough in itself. So it doesn’t matter if it measures up to somebody else’s. It’s, yeah, it’s okay for me to build a career out of my passion.
Kelli Russell 20:14
You’re giving yourself permission, right?
And then I don’t have to just go make a living, and actually build a career out of my passion instead of I am working to I do have a day job. But I’m also my main focus is building my career out of my passion.
Kelli Russell 20:33
And what feeds your soul. Yeah, yeah. I’m capable of accomplishing whatever I want. And then what was the next sentence that you said, and I can choose? I can choose what I focus on was
that I can choose what it is. And then it doesn’t matter if it measures up to other people’s ideas of what I should be doing.
Kelli Russell 20:55
If it doesn’t matter, how it measures up to other people’s ideals, then what does it do?
It’s, it’s what I want. That’s all that matters. Yeah.
Kelli Russell 21:18
I can’t tell you how many people I have sessions with that come to me because they’ve listened to their parents or a spouse or even friends about the path that they should be taking in the world. And then they end up miserable in pain. With anxiety with depression, yes, because they’re not looking inward, they’re listening to other people. And then they’re like, this life sucks. I hate this. You know,
one of the leading contributing factors to anxiety depression is thinking you need to be somebody that you’re not. And in the webinar that I’m doing right now, I talk about how you need to stop and ask yourself who’s in the driver’s seat of your life? Because I spent the majority of my life not in my own driver’s seat. I’m finally just now at age like, started around 48 Taking the keys and saying I am now driving my car in my own life.
Kelli Russell 22:16
Virtual High five.
I am no longer a passenger in my life.
Kelli Russell 22:23
I got the truth bumps again. When you’re talking. I’m like, Yeah, that’s so good. What a great. I mean, if there’s a reality check midlife. What a great one. Like, yes, that’s how I’m living the rest of my life. This is it right? I’m not gonna waste another minute living for somebody else’s life path. Your life path. I’ll do my own. Yeah, that’s exactly. Way to go. Okay, let’s keep going here. So, there’s another trapped emotion and let me make sure. Yeah, that discouragement was released. Yes. Okay. The next one that we can clear is in column A, it’s in column B. It’s an odd row. Throw one. Number one. Number two. So number three, a feeling of insecurity.
Okay, do we need to know more about this to clear it? Yes, we do. Was it before? You’re 25? No. Before? 35? No. Before 45? Yes. Before 40? Yes. So is it 3536? This one’s age 3636. Okay, do we need to know more than that to clear it? Yes. Has to do with your marriage? Your marriage? Yes. Has to do with something else. Marriages testing strong. Were you married at that time? Yes. Okay. Do we need to know more than that? Yes. Okay, so insecurity, a lack of confidence, self conscious, shy feeling unsafe from danger or ridicule. So did anything stand out around 36 in particular?
Not that I can think of right now just there was a lot of stonewalling and punishment that went on. And so whenever I didn’t follow the path, stay in the lane, and I ventured out and tried to be me, essentially. Then I got the cold shoulder I got the silent treatment until I went back in the lane. And so maybe that really started a little bit more prominently at that age.
Kelli Russell 24:46
Are we on the right track that test strong? Is there something more that we need to identify about insecurity before we can clear it? No. Okay, we can release that now. So um, so when you acted more yourself, you were shunned or will do cold shoulder, right? Yeah. What types of things would you do to act as yourself? You give me an example.
Literally, like, not just speak, but speak my opinion. You know, like, Oh, yeah. I don’t remember like, especially at that age exactly what I might have been trying to do. But like I said, there was a, there was just a lot of the, you should be doing this, but yet you’re going to fail at it. But yet, you’re not going to do good at it, you know. And then when I would try to go after something, then it was yourself promoting like, for a little while, I had a little boxing business where I taught some friends how to exercise with the hitting the heavy bag, and developed a routine and stuff. And so I would try to tell people about it to get business right. Well, then I would get chastised after we were out with friends that I was spent the whole night self-promoting, and how could I be doing that? So you know, again, do something, but only do it my way. There’s a
Kelli Russell 26:18
lot of mixed messages there. Lots of them. I’m so glad that you can do everything now. Yep. And you have a great big smile on your face every time I’ve ever seen you do so. I hope some of that as a result of being free.
Yes. Yeah. A lot of it is yeah.
Kelli Russell 26:44
Okay, let’s see. Is there another trapped emotion we can release from your heart? Yes. Some Column A it’s in an odd row. It’s in row one. So abandonment, my name is Bob. Okay, I check. I got a lot of yeses again. So I checked my name is Bob. I got a week. So this one is about abandonment. Do we need to know more about this? Declare it? Yes. Was it before? 25? Yes. Was it before? 15? Yes, before 10? No. 10 out of 11. This is age 11. Age 11. Okay, anything going on with abandonment, age 11.
Um, again, in that certain on that particular age, but just that time of my life. My parents divorced when I was six, and my mom dated a lot. And so I feel like I had 1012 Different father figures while I was growing up. And as they would break up, there was never any closure form for me. So I felt abandoned over and over and over again, I would open up and get close to somebody, then often they just would never come back again.
Kelli Russell 28:06
What would you recommend for women who might be listening? Who have young children who also wish to date being on the inside of that experience? What would you recommend? It’s a
tough one, because my kids were grown. When I started dating, I know that when I separated, I took a year and a half before I even thought about having a cup of coffee with somebody else. Because I needed to figure out me first before I wanted to involve somebody else. So I think probably my biggest advice to that would be is know who you are, first, be strong within yourself, before you start bringing other people into the equation of your family and your kids. It doesn’t mean that every relationship is still going to work out. But it means that you might be a little bit coming at it from a different perspective. Then, if you don’t have that sense of who you are in, feel strong about you first, you may be reaching a little bit more and bringing people in too often or not the right ones, your kids will experience that. So if you do that, and then you bring in a relationship and it doesn’t work unless it ends, you know, volatile or in a hostile but if it’s a you know mutual breakup, maybe give the kids some closure with that person to
Kelli Russell 29:47
Yeah. So that would look like the man being there and him expressing feelings as he says goodbye. And there may be providing some backstory or reasoning about why so you’re not wondering, is it because of me or right? Something like that? Yeah, exactly.
And just even, uh, you know, I, even though I’m not going to be around a lot around anymore, I care about you, I send you love, I hope the best for you. And, you know, kind of have a nice closure about it that way. Maybe you don’t even have to explain why you won’t be coming around anymore. Yeah, kids don’t really need to know the dynamics of the relationship. Yeah, just, hey, this is what I feel for you. And I’m still gonna send that to you, even though I won’t be seeing you anymore. Love that.
Kelli Russell 30:46
I can see how that would be so powerful, just to go where? Where’s so and so why is he not around anymore? Where? Yeah.
And then, you know, on top of that, then you see all the emotions that your mom’s going through to, you know, I went through every breakup. Not intentionally, but just seeing it and feeling it. And that’s, you know, hard to and again, you don’t want to hide things from your kids, but they know the biggest advice. They know a lot more than you think they do. No matter what age they’re at. And when I was six, I asked my mom if she was getting divorced, and she didn’t even know I knew what the word meant. Wow, kids know a lot more than you think they do. So you know, don’t hide things from them. But
Kelli Russell 31:32
don’t parental fi them either. To take on your problems. Exactly.
They don’t need to feel what you’re feeling they need to be kids.
Kelli Russell 31:39
Oh, thank you. I think that’s important. These messages, especially having gone through it the way you did your you know, on both sides,
you know, which is Oh, yeah. Experiencing both in Bali? Yes. Yeah.
Kelli Russell 31:53
Okay. So do we need to know more about this abandonment in order to clear it? No. So we can release that now.
Okay, this abandonment is now released. Yes. Is there another trapped emotion we can clear from your heart? Yes. In column a row. One or three. Number one of crying is coming up again. Do we need to know more about this one? Yes. Was it before? 25? No. Before 35? Yes. Before 30? Yes. 25. This was age 26. Something to do with work, something to do with love life something to do with friends. Friends and work hit strong love life was weak. Work. I’ve identified the two. There’s still something else financial hit strong. Okay. Okay, so tell me your situation at 26 Where were you? What were you doing?
I was married and probably at that point was thinking about having my second child, okay. At that point with my second child.
Kelli Russell 33:27
So why? What was going on financially, that might have been tough.
Oh, you know what I was, I was finishing up my degree. Okay. That’s what I was doing. I was finishing up my schooling because I wanted to have my degree before I had a because I stopped my college experience to have my, my first child. And then you know, had a few years in. And then before we decided to have number two wanted to make sure I had my degree first.
Kelli Russell 34:04
Do you remember that being a stressful time?
Yeah, I commuted from Chicago to Michigan for wow my one of my semesters and then my other ones I would bring my son with me to do like the daycare at college. So I went to I think four different schools to finish my degree and transferred credits all back like I sort of did it the opposite of most people. I went away to a four year school my freshman year, and then I took classes at a two year school to transfer back in to finish. That’s amazing. No, I was doing all of that with having my kids so I would. I would drop my son off at daycare on Tuesday morning and I would come back Thursday evening I put on my classes on Tuesday, Thursday, three hours away from my house.
Kelli Russell 34:54
You are so determined. This is amazing to see accomplished.
A lot of hoops to jump through Wow, this ended up staying home for 25 years and raising them. I didn’t even use the degree but I have it.
Kelli Russell 35:06
You did. You proved to yourself that you could do something and ordered it, and finished it and the level of care that took to just even figure out the strategy of how I’m going to help. How is this going to happen? I mean, this is amazing. Wow. Yeah. Why were the friends testing strong? Any turmoil with friendships or maybe feeling like your life is moving and you don’t have time for friends? Or why was that connecting?
I just don’t think at that point. I had a lot of close friends because I was such a young mom. That I didn’t fit in with the other moms. Okay. But my friends weren’t quite where I was at family-wise yet.
Kelli Russell 35:53
Yeah. So didn’t fit into either category there.
Yeah. So I just dove my entire been into my family.
Kelli Russell 36:03
Okay. Do we need to know more about this crying at 26? I got to know so we can release that now.
All right. Is this crying now? cleared from your heart? Yes. Is there another trapped emotion we can release from your heart wall? Yes. It’s in column A odd row one. Row three. Number One Number two, three to discouragement.
Do we need to know more about this one to clear it? Yes. Was it under 25? Yes. Was it under 15? Yes. Under five is no under 10? Is? Yes. Was it at five? Was it at six? This age six. All right. This is age six. So you would have been first grade? Okay. This is have something to do with school that tested strong something to do with home tested strong. And did you grew up with mom and dad? So dad left at six?
Yeah, they divorced or no? Okay.
Kelli Russell 37:13
Did your grades suffer? What school is also testing strong there?
What was school um I remember being the kid who didn’t try for fear of failure. Okay. And I was always told that I wasn’t doing enough as far as living up to my potential. Like, you’re not, you’re not working hard enough. You’re not doing things hard enough. And I think there was part of me that knew I wasn’t but I was afraid to and then fail. So I, that’s the way I went through school until I went back to college. And then I got like, 4.0 After I went back with my kids and did it as a mom. But growing up, I just didn’t put a whole I mean, I get terrible grades, but I didn’t put a whole lot into it. Because I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself.
Kelli Russell 38:07
The fear was if I put everything into it, and I fail, then I’m a true failure. But then if I don’t full throttle it and then I’m not getting an A at least I’m saving. Yeah,
I set myself up for B’s and C’s for sure. Okay. And I really resonate with the kids at school that do that too. Yeah, yeah. Because they work at a middle school. So I connect with the kids that struggle.
Kelli Russell 38:35
Yeah, I have a lot, a lot to offer them a lot of resilience and encouragement and understanding from your perspective.
A lot of adults don’t remember what those feelings are, like, you know, think of ourselves where we’re at now. And you know, I can remember what you were like at those ages.
Kelli Russell 39:00
That’s what makes you awesome at what you do. And they can probably sense that about you too. And they would gravitate towards you because they can feel maybe she might understand me or at least try right right at least try to understand me
right I don’t judge
Kelli Russell 39:14
Yeah, that’s huge. Wow. Okay. Have we identified everything we need to know about this discouragement? Yes. Do we need to know anything more? No. Okay, we can really set discouragement
Okay, as this discouragement now cleared from your heart wall, yes. Is there another trapped emotion we can clear from your heart wall? Yes, it’s in column A Yes. odd row No. wrote to no row for Yes. number one number two. There’s a feeling of bitterness. Okay, do we need to know more about this? Yeah. Before 20 is a no before 30 You know, before 40 No before 50 Yes before 45 No 4546 This is age 46. What’s interesting is I’m getting a lot of sixes. I was getting 3626 Six and yeah, this one is 46. Okay.
I have to be aware of 56 Oh, boy. Oh, live on an island for that year.
Kelli Russell 40:31
That’s funny. All right. Oh, this is I’ll just double check. This is bitterness age 46. And it’s testing strong. Do we need to know more about it to clear it? Yes. Okay. Does this have anything to do with your marriage that test strong? Anything to do with personal friendships? No. Anything to do with working or not working? No. Anything to do with your children? No. Anything to do with finances? No. So the one that’s hitting is strong is your marriage at age 46. Do we need to know anything more than that? Yes. So tell me why there was bitterness. This was your own emotion. Yes.
Yeah, that’s when the marriage was fallen fell apart. Dun dun, dun dun. Yeah. And I’m the one who said I’m out. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Kelli Russell 41:23
When did you guys actually get divorced?
It became final in 2018. But it started in 2016. That’s crazy. How long? Oh, yeah, it was a it was a horrendous process. One of the worst my attorneys that ever seen.
Kelli Russell 41:44
Oh my gosh. Do we need to know anything more than that to clear it? Yes, we do. Okay. Something you need to say out loud. Let me read. Let me read this bitterness. So bitterness, a harsh disagreeable or cynical attitude being angry or resentful because of hurtful or unfair experiences. So at age 46, can you pinpoint where that feeling was emanating from? Maybe a couple of sentences about it.
Can you test to see if it had to do with the incident where I needed to call the police?
Kelli Russell 42:30
Yes. Okay. Do we need to know more than that? No. Okay, that’s all we needed to know. Okay, let’s release that.
Three, is this bitterness now clear? Yes, sir. Another trapped emotion we can clear from your heart. Yes. It’s in column A. It’s in an odd row. It’s in row three. And row five. It’s in row one. It’s the first it’s the second a feeling of betrayal. Do we need to know more than that? Yes. Was it before? 20? No. Before 30? No. Before 40? No. Before 50? No. 50 is 5151. Okay. Suzanne’s ancestral betrayal. Okay, so was this on your mom’s side? This was from your mom. Okay. Mom’s side anyway, let’s see how many generations it goes back. Does it go back? More than five generations? No. More than three? No more than two? Yes. So three generations. So does that include you? Yes. So this was great, grandma. This was great-grandma.
Okay, do we have what we need to know? Do we need to know more? We do need to know more about this. So let’s find out how old she was. Was she under 30? Was she under 35? Was it 3031? So she was 31. Was this betrayal by love interest? Yes. So this was like a romantic betrayal. Do we need to know more than that? Yes. Okay, so this was a spouse something to do with one or the other cheating was in the know. Something about love, like changing feelings that tested strong. Do we have enough to release that now? Yes. Okay, we can release it fully. Yes. And let’s have the intention that we release it from your entire line. Is your mother still alive? Yes. Okay, and I’m assuming grandma has passed yes grew from okay. Well we’ll have the intention that we release it from your children we release it from you we release it from your mother. It goes all the way across that line that we’re clearing all the energy for all so let’s release that and with this we do 10 swipes of the magnet down the governing Meridian to clear that ancestral energy
okay, is this ancestral betrayal now clear? We got a yes. Okay, is there another trapped emotion we can release from your heart wall? I got to know so now we go into different types is there a hidden emotion that we can release from your heart wall? I gotta Yes. So hidden emotions one that we don’t like to really look at like nope, I’m not gonna look at that. Is this in column A? Yes. odd row? Yes. It’s in row one. Yes. Number two number three this feeling of forlorn for Lauren means miserable and lost by reason of abandonment. Desolation for Lorne emptiness hopeless forsaken. So do we need to know anything more than that to clear it? Yes, we do. Was it before you were age 25? No. Before 35? No. Before 45? No. Between 45 and 50 is yes. Was that 46 This was age 47 Okay 47 So having to do with the marriage for all the reasons you’ve already discussed? And those both test strong? Is there something more that we must identify that test week? So we can release that now? Okay
I felt a lightning with that one. My physiology usually doesn’t feel too much energetically, but I felt I felt an uplifting with that one that was good. Mm hmm. Okay, is that trapped emotion now clear? Yes. Okay
all right. Is there another let me write down hidden Okay, is there another hidden emotion that we can Claire from her heart wall? That’s a yes. It’s in column A on row is no row two as a yes. number one number two. So that is despair. Hidden. Does despair. Okay, do we need to know more to clear it? Yes, we do. Was it before age 25 is a no. Before 35? Yes. Before 30? Yes. at 25 at 26. So this is 26 again, let me just see if it’s all the other things that we already talked about the financial finishing the degree commuted from Chicago to Michigan not quite fitting in with a friend group. Okay, as there’s something else that we need to identify about age 26 And I got to know so we don’t need to know more did not need to know more. All right, or release hidden despair
Okay, is this emotion now clear? Yes. Is there another hidden emotion we can release from your heart? Well, no. Is there and compound emotion that we can clear from your heart wall? Yes. Are there more than two? No. So this is where there’s like two emotions stuck together at the same time. First emotion column a odd row. It’s in row one. It’s in row three. It’s in row five. Number one. This is blaming. Second emotion is in column A odd row. Row one number two betrayal. Do we need to identify where this came from? What age? Yes. Was it before? 25? No. Before? 35? No. Before? 45? No. Before 55? No. Okay, so it was at 50 It was at 50. This was age 50. So what could have gone on in that was pretty recent.
This is blaming
Kelli Russell 49:29
50 Yeah, let me just double triple check. So I’ve got blaming and betrayal and this is age 50. So this would have been just like a year ago. Something that you have conscious knowledge of?
Yeah. I found out that my ex is in a relationship with the assistant that he had while we were married.
Kelli Russell 49:54
That’s not fun to find out. Do we need to identify anything more than that? I’m getting a yes. I don’t know what that could be. These are your own emotions, these are felt towards him. There’s still something that needs to come to the surface. It’s still about this issue. Okay, so let’s talk about the blaming part of it, because the betrayal is obvious, right? So I am blaming him for not loving me that way. You know, tell me more about that.
Um, I think because it’s not like I found out he was having an amount, even though if he was involved with her while we were married. I don’t know if it happened afterward. Yeah, I think that I definitely blame him for the way he treated me at the end of the marriage, because he was already emotionally involved with somebody else.
Kelli Russell 51:08
So I’m assuming he treated you poorly at the end. So is your thought, why did you need to treat me like that when you’re, you’ve already moved on to somebody else, and you’re getting happiness elsewhere? Could you at least treat me with dignity? Is that kind of what you’re saying? That’s part
of it. But that’s like, that’s a lot for him to behave that way. With dignity. Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s more of I blame you for our marriage ending because you emotionally left without trying to have us be something that we I don’t know why I still hold on to it. Because there was 8 million reasons for me to leave. Yeah, there lay as we’ve gone through. But it’s still, you know, it still bothers me that the marriage had end. Because I think just because my family, the way that my kids have been affected by it, is what bothers me the most. I’m a much better person, individually, but the break of my family and that’s where again, it goes back to my dog begin the last bit of the family. And as I mentioned, I put everything of myself into my family since I didn’t have a career and, and all of that. So I think it’s the betrayal of how could you get to the point with somebody else that you were okay with treating me this way? Basically making me be the bad guy to end the marriage. You know? Yeah, I had to be the bad guy and end it. But I was the bad guy, because the way he was treating me, right, was potentially already involved with somebody else. Yeah. That nobody knew about. That makes sense.
Kelli Russell 53:10
Yeah, there’s a lot going on there. Yeah. Okay. Have we identified what we need to Yes. And we can release these emotions now? Yes. We need to know anything else. I got to know. Okay, we can release them now.
Okay, this emotion, these two emotions, blaming and betrayal are now cleared from your heart wall. Yes. Okay. So we’re going to stop now. There’s still more, but we’re going to see where we’re at. So in the beginning, we were at 11 miles and bricks. Cross you’re on 25? Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Cross your ankles. Okay, cross your wrists, arms out in front of you. And then turn your thumbs down and interlace your fingertips either put your hands in your lap or roll your knuckles up to your chest and your elbows will go down in this whole-brain posture. It’s very safe, relaxing, balanced, nurturing. So I’d like you to now feel into your heart space. And before there was a sense of like, oh, I put each one of those bricks up each one of those represented a year in the marriage. So just get a sense for where you think that might be. Now, what are you feeling now? And maybe the material has changed even? Or maybe you can get a sense for thickness. And tell me if anything comes to mind.
The main thing that comes to mind is I just feel lighter and just more at peace and validated by feeling the emotions that I’ve been feeling through seeing them show up in the way that they do with you.
Kelli Russell 55:18
Seeing it reflected back and feeling that it makes sense, like,
yeah, yeah, it’s not just all in my head. It’s really Yes. Is there and it needs to be needed to be let go.
Kelli Russell 55:36
Okay, so let’s just check then. Do you? Do you get a specific idea for how many miles it is now? Or I can just muscle test it?
I really don’t. I don’t have I feel definitely it’s got to be smaller. It’s got to be shorter. Yeah,
Kelli Russell 55:53
I do, too.
I don’t know. I don’t know by how much I think significantly.
Kelli Russell 55:57
Does it still feel made of bricks?
Probably just because that’s just literally I felt that in the marriage. Wow. Yeah. Building a brick wall.
Kelli Russell 56:12
Okay, so let’s, let’s go. It’s still made a bricks. Yes. And it is less than 11 miles? Yes. It is less than five? Yes. It is less than three? Yes. It is less than two is a yes. It is less than one is a no. is less than one and a half is a yes. Is less than one and a quarter is a no. So if we’re between a half and a quarter, that would be like a third. Right? So we’re at a mile and a third. Nice. And 1/3. So that’s not even a set when we started and long, long ago, and it was at 25. Now we’re at one. So it’s like just 1/25?
How many do you did you write down? Like how many different emotions? Oh, I just wonder if it adds up? Like one more?
Kelli Russell 56:59
Oh, wow. 1-234-567-8910 1112 1314 that was kind of like a conglomerate those last two. So
but a couple of them had to do with childhood. And one was ancestral? Yeah, you take those out. As far as the marriage goes,
Kelli Russell 57:27
I don’t know if it quite works the way you’re thinking. But my sense, it’s a construct that you put together,
where my brains going, it might,
Kelli Russell 57:36
it may be well, and you know, as you’re letting things go and letting things go, just like, between last time I saw you, I mean this, this can start to free up just in how you move through the world and everything so and you know what, there’s just got to honor some of that for the protection that it served, for keeping you sane for, you know, coming out of it the way you have intact. So it served a purpose. And we can honor that purpose. And now just getting ready to be free and clear and move forward in life.
connectedness is my anchor strength. That’s my number five. Everything happens for a reason. Uh huh. Lesson and you learn from it. So I fully believe in what you just said that I needed that when I needed it. And I’m letting it go at the time that I need to let it go.
Kelli Russell 58:32
So do you feel called to do any type of action step now? Is there anything that you would like to do or try or
anything in terms of
Kelli Russell 58:45
it could be a playful experimentation with this new potential. Like it could be trying something that you didn’t do well out in the past, but now you’re going to give it another shot? Right? It could be anything.
And I am in the process of creating a business for myself now.
Kelli Russell 59:09
Pause there i would love for you to be able to share and we could even link to it but it might be personal and you might not want to link to it. So choose which choose your own adventure. If you want to talk about it. We can
no I’m happy to, absolutely, I noticed when I was working with the millet middle schoolers that many of them in their academic struggles. It actually was a social-emotional issue that they were distracted by. So when I would talk to him for just a couple of minutes, not even having to know the details of it just that they were going through something kind of helped him with the mindset and perspective a little bit. They were able to focus on schoolwork more clearly. So with that, I obtained an emotional intelligence practitioner certificate. Congratulations, thank you. And then, about that time, I learned more about the Clifton Strengths Assessment. And I’ve been studying the effects of your strengths in who you are and how you do things best. So now I use the Clifton Strengths Assessment as a foundation to help you build emotional intelligence. And my intention was to start with work primarily with teens, but I’m what I’m finding is it’s the parents who really want to know their strengths. And we’re like, we want to do it too. Yeah, and I and it helps the relationship like with my youngest son and I to know each other strengths now has put our relationship on a whole nother level, because we, you understand each other and you accept each other instead of trying to but with each other. And so I’m taking it in that direction. And I’m working also with teachers. And I may be doing an enrichment program in the summertime with the middle school that I’m with.
Kelli Russell 1:01:02
So wonderful. So what is the age group?
13 and older. The 13 year olds who are able to get through the assessment, I talk them through applying some words a little bit differently for them to connect a little bit better. But we need to get the full 34 report, I talk about your top 10 And your bottom five. So what we do is we talk about building what you’re naturally good at and where you naturally go with things. And then being aware of when you drop into that self doubt, or shaming or not feeling good or comfortable with yourself. And we see where that’s coming from, and then how to pull you back up into your top strengths. But there’s no changing you to try to be somebody else. It’s all focused on what you are what and no two people on the face of the earth will have the same results. Wow. So it really emphasizes how unique we are and how unique we are meant to be.
Kelli Russell 1:02:06
Yeah, and to honor that and to tap into that innate ability that they already have within and to just highlight what is already there.
Right? Like woo win others over as my number one. And I used to get chastised for being a flirt, and for me, like, too friendly with people and stuff like that. And so I felt like shamed and bad by it. Well, that’s not my nature. So now I embrace it. And I’m like, I love meeting new people. I love having conversations and seeing where I connect with people. And I have fun with it now instead of feeling like it’s something I shouldn’t be doing because other people don’t do that. Right.
Kelli Russell 1:02:45
That’s awesome. So if people wanted to find you, are you comfortable with sharing that information if they would like to work with you?
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. www.feelempoweredeveryday is my website. That’s the name of my podcast, which is on Spotify, and Instagram, feel empowered every day, Facebook feel empowered every day. Wonderful. And I’ll have a webinar be coming out, because
Kelli Russell 1:03:12
this week. So if they wanted to book a session to determine their strengths, or have you worked with their teenager, they can just go to your website and then contact you or just DM you on social media.
Exactly. And my email address is Shelley@ feelempoweredeveryday.com And it’s Shelley within EY. Okay, I mean, as well.
Kelli Russell 1:03:33
Oh, that’s so awesome. Thanks for sharing that. And for your willingness to dive in deep to, you know, being an open book and sharing what you’ve gone through. And even sharing a little bit of advice in the middle there. What hindered depending on what side a person might be on in that divorce with young children. So many people go through similar things and to have the insight that you do and share that I really appreciate it. I know people will resonate with you and what you’ve gone through and what you’ve shared. So thank you.
Absolutely, definitely. I also have a blog at essentially Shelley a home that talks a little bit more about that side of me going through that transition and the process. So if anybody’s interested in connecting with somebody, if you’re going through something as well, you can reach out to my blog and then reach out to me directly. I’d be happy to talk with you to essentially to go through by yourself.
Kelli Russell 1:04:30
I know essentially Shelley for that one. Okay. Well, thank you again, so much. Thanks for being here with me today and for sharing and just being who you are. Absolutely. Thank
you and oh my gosh, this was amazing. As usual, all my sessions with you are so healing and so comforting and validating and I really, really appreciate everything that you do.
Kelli Russell 1:04:54
Thank you, Shelley. And thank you, everybody, for listening, and if there is anybody watching, thanks for watching. All right until next time goodbye