How to Stop Fighting in Your Relationships

Learn how to stop fighting in your relationships and use your differences as assets to accomplish great things together!

So many times we get frustrated with our partner or family members for the way they do things. When we truly boil it down, the frustration happens because it is so different from the way that we do things; from the way we believe things “should be done“.

For example, one of our clients loves trying new things (classes, projects, careers), and her husband was frustrated that she couldn’t just stick with one thing. He’d been in the same career for the past 30 years.

Another client loves going out and socializing with others, the life of the party, whereas their partner likes to stay home and read a book.

Others are mad at their family because they always get put in the role of the planner. “Why is it up to me to plan everything?!”

The main theme underlying the frustration in all of these examples is “Why can’t you be more like me!”

couple fighting

In our own relationship, I used to get frustrated at Kevin for not standing up for things. If we were mischarged on a bill, or when his steak was cooked well-done and he’d asked for med-rare, he did not want to call the company or send back the meal. I thought it wasn’t right and was frustrated at Kevin for not doing anything.

As we started looking deeper, we saw that In Kevin’s family, he was the peacekeeper. He didn’t want to make any waves or rock any boats. But I loved rocking boats and making waves.

We realized that if we stopped trying so hard for the other person to be like us, we could see that we were actually perfectly suited to balancing each other out, providing personal attributes that when combined, are much better than when apart.

So we looked at our strengths and really stepped into them. When it came time for me to write a tough email to a previous employer, Kevin was able to help me soften it so that it didn’t come across harshly. If there’s a company that needs to be called to rectify something, I’m on it!

Here’s how to stop fighting:

When you get frustrated with a partner or family member, stop. Take a breath. Rember this important fact:

WE’RE ON THE SAME TEAM!!! Look at the situation again. How can you utilize each other’s assets at their highest capacity for the best outcome?

Let’s look at the previous examples.

The person who’s the life of the party adds levity and fun to the relationship, whereas the homebody brings a sense of groundedness and calmness.

The one who is steadfast, reliable, and responsible, is enhanced by the free spirit who brings new things and excitement.

The one who is great at the details, finding resources, and scheduling has other family members that are great at seeing the big picture, maintaining social connections, or rallying the family into action.

Stop fighting and seeing our differences as deficits that need to be overcome; it’s time to start looking at them as strengths. 

Different situations call for different skill sets. Step into your own strength and let your partner and family members step into theirs as well. Decide who is best suited to do certain things, and utilize one another’s attributes in the best way possible.

If we remember that we are on the SAME TEAM and see how helpful it is to access other skills than our own, not only will we enjoy each other a lot more, but we’ll accomplish way amazing things TOGETHER!


RESOURCE: Want to Learn 3 Ways to Improve Every Relationship in Your Life?

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Kelli Russell

Kelli Russell is a psychological kinesiologist who helps people shift out of stress and anxiety into a state of inner balance and freedom through subconscious change facilitation, positive mindset training, and emotional energy healing.