Podcast Episode 002 – Should I Stay or Should I Go?

In this episode, Vicki and Kelli navigate a huge life decision. Should Vicki stay in a city she doesn’t like to care for her father with Alzheimer’s, or should she move to another state, even though she might be wracked with guilt for leaving?

We also answer the questions: How do I listen to my inner knowing? And how can I trust myself after I’ve made mistakes in the past? And, we also get into a conversation about what it would take to be truly proud of yourself.

 

 

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TRANSCRIPT

Kelli Russell 1:33
Welcome to the radical enlightenment Podcast. I’m Kelli Russell, and I have here with me today, Vicki, and she has agreed to share an hour of time where we look at some challenges or places where she’s feeling stuck, and we create some type of internal shift or change. So thanks for agreeing to this, Vicki.

Vicki 2:02 Thank you! I love any session with you.

Kelli Russell 2:08
I love working with you, too! And, you know, we talked a little bit before about some of the challenges that you’re dealing with right now. So could you tell our listeners and maybe watchers, those that might watch a video in the future? What’s going on with you lately.

Vicki

So moved back to Illinois in 2019. Not because I wanted to because I needed to. So my dad is ill. And not that he’s getting worse. But I was also homeless, if you will, because I sold everything in my life literally except one suitcase, for a guy who ended up breaking up with just three months later, so. So ended up back in Illinois, again, not because I wanted to. And now I’m at the point where I’m snowed in. First of all, is it February 16.

But it has nothing to do with it. But I have until August to figure out if I want to stay here or not. And that’s really just this apartment. But in my head. I’ve made it that I have to August to figure out the next move. And the like the feelings of guilt for wanting to leave knowing my dad is sick. And knowing that it’s going to put all the burden on my sister because she’s the only one who’ll be here.

I’m torn between that guilty feeling yet Am I supposed to wait for him to die to be happy? Like, is that what I’m supposed to do?

Then that’s the resentful feeling like you know, then that builds up. And it’s just I really just feeling super I hate the word stuck. But I’m really feeling stuck in that selling of everything was also my car. And so I haven’t gotten a new one here yet. So we want to talk about stuck, stuck in an apartment with no car in an area that I moved to that has nothing in walking distance. So it was really bad. But I think part of it is just the environment I’ve created for myself, but part of it is like where do I even want to go? Because in 2014, I left Illinois to go west. And none of those plans panned out as I was imagining. Like none of those moves. I moved three times and they didn’t pan out as I was imagining. So I went to Seattle, went to Oregon. And then I was homeless in California and Hawaii which most people don’t think that’s a bad thing. Every two weeks it’s a little painful.

So I think part of me too is like when I think of where do I want to go? If I can even get past the guilt. It’s the am I going to do it my just repeating what I did before?

In my head, I look at that as a failure because I didn’t love any of those places.

I thought I was moving and like escaping and going to find this super happy place and realize that there was no happy place there, which obviously was an internal issue

Kelli

There’s a Saturday Night Live skit with Adam Sandler. And he does something called Romano tours. And he says, if you were unhappy before, you’re probably going to be unhappy here too. And if you came here and you’re having marital problems, you’re probably going to have some marital problems here, too. It’s, it’s such a good skit, that it reminds us that we could be happy in multiple different places, as long as we generate it from the inside. And I love this idea that this is an idea by somebody named Esther Hicks, she has a lot to do with generating thinking, that creates a reality. And she says, let’s say you’re thinking about divorcing a partner. She says, get right within yourself, get aligned with yourself for 30 days, consistently, every day, until  you have gotten so good at guiding your own level of comfort within yourself and that inner alignment. If you can do that for 30 days in a row, then you can consider what to do with the relationship.

So we could we apply that to the move, yeah? Can I find some type of inner peace and we could say happiness is an elevated state. It might be weird to be happy all the time. But maybe we could call it contentment or feeling comfortable. A lack of internal conflict. That’s peace. So maybe there’s a sense of peace. Could you guide yourself into that state for 30 days? And then home is where the heart is. I’m feeling so freakin good within myself, so now it’s just like, well, where do I want to go?  Rather than this other thing outside of myself, that’ll make me happy. Or when I get there, that’ll make me happy. It’s self generated.

Vicki 7:10
Yeah. And then did you want to talk any about the business?

Kelli

Yeah. Tell everybody a little bit about or what you feel comfortable sharing.

Vicki

The business is called Bubbly Side of Life. And it started because there’s always a reason to celebrate. I was moving, piling up all my stuff up. And I realized how many times I’d moved this set of plates. I bought them when I was 23. I moved them to Seattle, I moved them to Portland. And then I moved them to Goodwill. And I never used them one time. Because I was waiting for the perfect moment. The plate needed the perfect moment. And there was no perfect moment. So the plate never got used the set of 24 karat gold or 10 karat or whatever that they were plates went to Goodwill unused. And yet I carried them literally for 20 years. Wow. And it was like my own slap in the face of what in the heck are you doing? You could have used them on a Monday night? You could have used it for any Christmas for the last 20 years. You could have used it for every birthday. One day. Yeah.

And so basically it was my slap in the face of there’s always a reason to celebrate. So carrying these plates for 20 years, keeping this bottle of sparkling wine or champagne, or whatever you call it for 20 years because you’re waiting for the perfect moment to pop it. The perfect moment doesn’t ever exist.

So my mission became to really literally, pop that bottle today. And because you have a reason, even a perfect moment is now. If you woke up, that’s a good reason. If you’re snowed in, well, that’s a good reason. What else you got to do?

So it really has evolved into focusing on my favorite sparkling wines. And I’d have sparkling wine tastings in my perfect world. It’s going to be a sparkling wine bar, where you’re going to walk in and we’re going to celebrate you because you walked in the door.

And you’re going to drink your favorite sparkling wines and hopefully you find some new ones and so that business will obviously be wherever I end up being. Yeah, because I am not connected to any certain place. I don’t know where that should be. And there’s a fear of like, okay, so you’re going to move to Seattle, you’re going to open this tasting room, and then it’s going to fall flat. Now you’ve moved across the country to open the tasting room. And now it fell flat, just like when you moved in 2014 and then moved again because you weren’t happy.

Kelli

I’m wondering if there’s somebody listening to this that might have an idea or a connection for you. So if they do head over to bubbly side of life on Instagram, and they can get you, right?

Vicki

absolutely.

Kelli

Right, because who knows, maybe somebody listening is like, oh, my gosh, I’ve been wanting to do this too. And I have a perfect place in mind or something you never know, the way the universe works is, is really synchronistic at times. So who knows?

This is tied into, should I stay or should I go. I’m trying to figure out where that might be. And generating happiness that comes from within. We also talked about listening to your inner feelings, your inner knowing, getting into that inner guidance system, and allowing yourself to be internally led. So let’s, let’s talk a little bit about your dad is with his Alzheimer’s is, is he at a place where he can recognize you and your sister?

Vicki

Yeah, he has not gotten that bad. So that’s the good news.

But it’s definitely declining. You can tell.

Kelli

Okay, but he’s still kind of there. Or maybe if you’re having a conversation with him, you can keep them in the present. But he might want to go back into some old stories or things.

Vicki

Oh, yeah. It’s all stories now.

Kelli

Okay. All right. Let’s, let’s brainstorm a bunch of different solutions. And then I’m going to muscle test and see on a scale from one to 100 what you are resonating the most right now. Okay, so and we’re just going to brainstorm. So idea number one is that you leave by yourself to some unnamed city, that is no longer this city.

Your sister would be left more in charge of Dad’s care. So what types of things are you doing right now? For example, I go over every day and fix him breakfast and dinner. My sister goes and does what? What are your tasks right now?

Vicki

Literally nothing because my mom is still alive and they’re deathly afraid of covid. They don’t wanna let us in the door.

Kelli

Okay.

But so right now, you tell me, is there anything that you are doing? I’m delivering groceries on the weekend or whatever?

Vicki

No, I’m doing really nothing. Everything is on the phone. So there’s no exact reason. I think part of the guilt is that, well, I’ll feel horrible if I’m not here and he passes away and I’m like, hold on, I gotta catch a flight.

Kelli Russell 12:59
Okay. What are ways that you could stay connected to him and them if you decide to move that would allow you to feel supportive, and at peace with your decision? For example, I call daily, I call once a week.

Vicki

Yeah, I do a check-in.  I think I mean, it would be the same as kind of what we’re doing now. Because we’re not allowed in it.

Kelli

So what are you doing now? Online every week? Call every week? How are you guys doing? Do you need anything?

Vicki

Yeah. And the answer is always the same. And that’s fine. I think part of part of my worry and concern is my mother doesn’t let us be proactive. So I call their basement the stairs of death to get down. They are so bad. And that’s where the washer and dryer is. Yeah, this vision of like my mother falling. And then if she falls, okay, then that now we’ve got problems, right, because now she’s fallen and then dad sick and but she won’t let us move the washer and dryer upstairs. Even though my brother-in-law owns a construction company. Like it’s so easy to do. You know what I mean? But so she won’t let us be proactive. So I think part of like, the guilt or the fear, maybe is that something like my sister and I have just resolved ourselves that we’re going to have to be reactive.

Kelli

And what was your mom’s reason to not move the washer dryer?

Vicki

The village won’t let them that’s her reason.

Kelli
Is Is that accurate?

Vicki

We wouldn’t even know if the village would let them because she’s never even petitioned to the village.

Kelli

If the village would allow such a thing, and then you could present her with your findings…

Vicki

So we did that we did do some digging. And we do know that we can make this happen. And we probably have to go to the village. And so at this point, it’s now… do my sister and I just like come barreling in one day?

Kelli

Tell me what you think your mom’s response would be, let’s say you discovered where you wish to move. You have a plan, and you go to your mother with vulnerability from your heart space, and you say, Mom, I’ve been wanting to go. I feel that this is not my place here in Illinois, where I live, I want to go explore something else. But I’ve been wracked with fear and shame about leaving you guys. And it’s been holding me back for a long time. And really, like one of my main fears is that you could fall down the stairs, and I wouldn’t be there to help you. And you might have a nasty tumble and break a leg or a hip because of those stairs. It would give me the greatest peace of mind if you could allow us to shift those appliances upstairs in such and such room. We have approval from the village. And I know it’s not as convenient or as beautiful, as pleasing. But just for peace of mind. And it would be easier for you as well. Would you consider it? And then your mom would say what?

Vicki

She would probably be upset that I said that I am fearful. And she would be mad at that. Because she would be like, we’re not doing that to you.

Kelli

That would be true. All that’s true. Because you’re welcome to say your thoughts. And she’s welcome to say we’re not responsible for your feelings, right? Which is true. And then you could say Nevertheless,, it worries me. And I wonder if you would possibly allow this? And then what would she say?

Vicki

I’m sure she would still dig in her heels. She may. I don’t know that she would. I don’t know, honestly.

Kelli

You could try.

Vicki

Yeah, I mean, I certainly could. And she can say no, she has her wits about her.

Kelli

She can absolutely say no, thank you.

Vicki

Yeah.

Kelli

But at that point, you can perhaps let go of some of that shame and guilt. And you know, if you say, I tried, I put myself out there. I did my best. It was met with a firm no. I’m going to let that go. And then and then be reactive. Like you said, if mom does fall and break her hip, you’re going to figure out hey, Mom, what can I do for you? I’m in a different state now. But I’m going to be calling every week, can I send some groceries over for you? You know, luckily, so many things are automated now. You can offer so much support.

Vicki

I know.

Kelli

You can send a maid over to your house to help them clean or send a bag of groceries out. Okay, so we have this brainstorming going on. One is that you could leave and go somewhere else. And and you could call every week.

Vicki

Yep.

Kelli

And you could offer some support and some way if you felt called, right, maybe to assuage that guilt, like sending them some groceries. Let me ask the question, too, about your dad.

Vicki

Yeah.

Kelli

Do you have anything left unsaid that if he did pass away, you would feel okay with that? Or do you feel like there’s something that needs to happen first?

Vicki

I don’t think so. I think I think we’re at a good place. I think my biggest thing with them is they don’t really know how my business is doing because they don’t they’re not happy that I quit a corporate job to pop bubbly for a living.

Kelli

And how long are you supposed to worry about their thoughts of your career? How many years?

Vicki

I mean, forever in their world. It’s that generation. They don’t understand how you leave this comfortable gig with this company car and this 401k because you want to go pop bubbly?

Kelli

Well, because you were so uncomfortable in that it didn’t fulfill you in the way you had hoped. In fact, I’m sure it was so uncomfortable that that’s what spurred you to totally change.

Vicki

Right.

Kelli

Yeah. So for them, they may have a different priority, a different way to gauge things, different interests, different values. So it would never do to force somebody else to be like you. Just like, like, we have a child. We, Kevin and I, we have our own ideas, interests, morals values. And for us to say no, you have believe exactly like us, you have to gauge your life according to those. No way! She gets to figure out her own way, she gets to figure out her own interests and values that are going to be different than ours. And you get to find your own path. And it’s okay, if they don’t agree, it’s not for them. It’s for you. So this is one of those things where your parents might say, Yeah, but you should be doing the other thing. And you say, Thank you for letting me know. Nevertheless, I’m going to follow my heart, I’m going to follow my interest. To follow my passion. I’m so lucky and blessed to have all my basic needs met, I have food, I have a roof over my head. And so now I get to do that higher-level thing of figuring out what do I want to do. What lights me up inside, we have the blessing of having that choice. So you’re going to step into that choice where maybe your parents didn’t have that choice at some point.

Vicki

That is true. Maybe they were just thinking I need food on the table. I need the roof on the head.

Kelli

And that’s basic security needs met once you have those needs met now it’s like what do I get to do? So most of us are blessed enough where we get to ask that question.

Vicki

Yeah.

Kelli

It might even be thank you, Mom and Dad for affording me the opportunities that I even can question myself, and guide my life in the direction of my dreams. How freaking cool is that? Alright, so you could leave and go somewhere else or you can stay here and continue to call once a week. What other things can we muscle test to decide?

Vicki 22:06
Um,

I think that’s it. I mean, I think those are really the two options. I mean, do I stay or do I go?

Kelli Russell 22:19
Now what if you were feeling really aligned with yourself. Generally, most days when you wake up. Would you want to stay here?

Vicki 22:28
Oh, no, I never want to stay in Illinois.

Kelli

Okay.

Vicki

Sorry to any listeners from Illinois. I bet they don’t want to be in Illinois either. Right now. It’s so stinking cold. We’ve been in like single digits for weeks, with every other day like I’m over it.

Kelli Russell 22:45
Well, our daughter who grew up in 70, San Diego weather her whole life does not like this. She wants to be where weather is.  She wants to be where it’s cold, and rainy, and snowy. So you never know. You want to contrast when you grow up one way, you might want it to a different way. So okay, so we’re saying even if we got you into a position where you’re feeling generally good, probably not a place you’d want to stay. Because there are other enticing places, that would be preferable?

Vicki

I think so and you know what, there’s part of me that doesn’t know. I do hate winter. I hate winter. So could I be happy here?

Vicki 23:31
If the tasting room was here, and the tasting room was open, and I had that purpose? Whereas now in winter I don’t ever leave the apartment until the snow thaws because you might turn into a snowman out there. How are you going to run a business like that? You’ve got to get up every day and get to the taster. Right? Come rain, shine, snow, sleet, you got to get yourself in there.

Kelli

So could you see yourself doing that?

Vicki

So I think that would actually give me a better purpose. Whereas right now because it’s all online there’s no reason to step foot outside, but I always do wonder, could I be happy here if the tasting room was open?

Kelli Russell 24:18
Again, that’s like maybe there’s something outside of myself that will make me feel good. We’ve got to flip flop that to I feel generally content and comfortable in my life. Therefore wherever I live, or whatever job that I do, it’s just a fun experience. Rather than I’m looking for this job, this location for this business or this place to live or this person in my life, that will then fulfill me and then finally I’ll have this feeling.

Vicki

How do I get there? Okay, just get me there.

Kelli Russell 24:59
Okay, well let’s just start by muscle testing these two choices. Alright. So first, just take a few deep breaths. And I always ask permission that it’s safe and appropriate that I connect to your inner energy. And that I act as your proxy or surrogate so that I can receive the information that your energy signal is sending me. So bear with me about 30 seconds while I set that up, and I’m muscle testing myself in order to receive an answer.

Okay, great, I received that it is safe and appropriate for us to be linked up. So the connection is made. And now I can muscle test on your behalf. And I can receive your energy signal. So the first choice is leaving, going somewhere else, I will still call my parents every week. Maybe I can convince mom somehow to move that washer and dryer so that daughters have peace of mind. And they might actually find it easier as well. Of course they would.

Okay, so leaving and going somewhere else. This is an unnamed place, but you know, it’s not here, at least in this in this question. Okay, so I’m checking on a scale from one to 100 100 means 100%. This is what I’m going to do. This is what I’m resonating with. You’re more than 50% aligned with that. I get a yes. More than 70% align with that I get to know more than 60%. Yes, more than 65 is a no. So now I’ll just go one by one. Is it 60, 61, 62, 63? 63% aligned with leaving. Now let’s see how aligned you are with staying here. Pursuing setting up business here.

Okay, so staying here. You are more than 50% aligned with that choice? Surprisingly. And so yes. You’re more than 70%? That’s a no, you’re more than 60. That’s a no more than 55 is a no. So now I’m going to go 50 to 55. 50,  51, 51%. I can see why there’s a struggle where you feel stuck because those are pretty close. Yeah. Stay 51%. Go, 63%. Let me see if there’s another option that we haven’t considered yet. There’s another option? No. These are the main two ones. Yes. All right. Now, what we’re going to do is clear a few trapped emotions that may be blocking you from clear knowing, like listening to your own inner voice. And then perhaps those numbers will shift. So this is Emotion Code therapy. It was developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson, I think about 30 years ago. And it’s one of the modalities that I use to assist people. So I’ve got this chart here with 60 emotions. And I’m asking your system, what might be creating a blockage. And it could be something from your past, it could even be ancestral stuff in utero stuff, all the way up into including right now. And the idea is you were feeling this emotion so overwhelmingly, at some point in your life, that instead of riding the wave of it, feeling it, letting it go releasing it, either it was suppressed, repressed, or maybe it wasn’t appropriate to feel that at the time, like sometimes we got to go to work and think, I don’t have time for this emotion right now. So we shove it down, pack it in, but it becomes stuck energy within the field. So we’ll check to see is there a trapped emotion that is blocking you from having a clearer idea of what to do about this? I got a no. So now I’m going to check. Is there a hidden emotion that’s blocking you from this? I got a yes. Is that emotion in column A? It’s in column B- Yes. Odd row? No. Row two. Yes. It’s number one. Number two, number three. Number four. It’s a lack of control. Now, I’ve noticed too, that stuff like that is coming up a lot because of COVID. Okay, I believe sometimes I work with people on discovering what belief is blocking them and a lot of times it’s like other people and forces control my life. And I’m like, Wow, imagine that we’re in lockdown for COVID right now so understandable. But it could be something from your past. Lack of control. So we’re going to check to see do we need to know more about this in order to clear it. I got a yes. So now we’ll need to know your age so that we can figure out what age it was? What is your age?

Vicki

45

Kelli

Okay. Did this stuck emotion get trapped before you’re 20? I got a no. Before you’re 40 I got a no. before 43 I got a no, at 43 – yes. Okay, this was actually age 43. Lack of  Control.

Vicki

This is what I started seeing you. We’ve done some work in the past on this. There’s some stuff coming up about this.

Kelli

All right, so let’s see, do we need to know anything more than that in order to clear it? I got it. Yes. Okay. Is it about this particular person? No. just life in general? Yes. moving all the time? No. Something that I haven’t said yet. Okay. So it’s not about a person. It’s not necessarily about moving all the time. But specifically, why were you feeling this lack of control?

Vicki 31:00
I wonder if it has to do with that was the year that I sold everything. And hindsight, of course, is always 2020. But I am convinced that the house fell through. And then I went into panic mode, because I was already in the midst of getting rid of everything. And then and then my dream of this perfect relationship was crumbling before my eyes because I couldn’t sell the house. And that’s what this was all dependent on. And then I went into panic mode. And then I took this lowball offer. And then the relationship went belly up three months later. At some point, I didn’t feel like I was in control of the House. And I knew that that was wrong, but I was forcing it anyway.

Kelli Russell 31:57
I checked if this has something to do with the house and I got a weak response, which means no, but maybe you just hit on the bigger theme right there. It’s like, I almost wondered as you were talking, kind of like there was the maybe the universe was conspiring in your favor. But your panic set in. And then maybe that caused a sort of disruption into like, Wait, do I really want to do this? At that time? It seemed like you were pretty secure in that knowing though, right? Like, you knew you wanted to do that?

Vicki

Oh, yeah, I was pretty convinced.

Kelli

Okay, so probably wouldn’t have held you back much. Alright, there’s something else that we need to identify about this lack of control? No. Okay. don’t need to know anything more about it. So we understand the general theme of what was contributing causing to that feeling so we can release it now. I’m using a magnet down the governing Meridian that’s a way to release that stuck energy. And my body is just a representation right now of your energy body. And I’m acting as a proxy or a surrogate for you.

Alright, so let’s see is this trapped emotion of lack of control now cleared and I got a yes. Is there another hidden emotion that we can clear that’s blocking you from listening to your inner knowing? I got to know is there a compound emotion? This is where there’s more than one emotion that might be trapped together. That’s blocking you from that clear inner knowing? Yes. Are there more than to know first emotion column A, Column B, odd row, row one. heartache is the first one, and the second one, betrayal. Okay, do we need to know more about this to clear it and I got a no so that means that we can release it. Okay, is this compound emotion now cleared? Yes. Is there another compound emotion that’s blocking you from listening to your own inner knowing Yes. So again we have a two-part compound emotion. First emotion Despair and second emotion bitterness. Okay, do we need to know more about this to clear it? Yes. Does it have to do with your dad? No. Mom. No. Being in this the city No. Let’s see if it’s something from your past. So something before you’re 20 No. 30 Yes. Before 25 No. So we got it between 25 and 30.  25, 26, 27.
Okay. 27 All right. Does this have to do with like romantic or love interest? Yes. Okay. So who was around 27? You don’t have to name their name, but do you? Do you know who it might be?

Vicki 35:45
I think I do. Yeah

Kelli Russell 35:47
Okay, let me just muscle test if it’s who you’re thinking. Yes, it is. Okay, do we need to know more than that? And I got to no so we can release that stuck energy now?

Okay, is this despair and bitterness now clear? Yes. Is there another compound emotion that we can clear that’s blocking you from listening to your own inner knowing? No. Is there an emotional resonance? This is like a vibration like you’re it’s not a particular spot in your body. Your whole system is ringing with this emotion. It’s in column A.  Yes. Is it in column A? Yes. odd row? No. Row two Yes. Nervousness. Do we need to know more about to clear it? Yes. Before you’re 20? No. Before? 30? No. Before 40? No. 40, 41 This one’s age 41. Do we need to know more than that to clear it? Yes. Okay. More than one factor? Yes. Career tested weak. Finances tested weak. Love interest test strong. And it could be like, either I have one or I don’t have one. But something about that. That realm. Friendships also are testing strong. So maybe something going on socially? Or not going on socially? That you wish were there? Probably. Yeah. Let me see. Is there something more than that? We need to identify? Yes. Let’s see family of origin test week. Okay, this would have been four years ago. So help me out with this one. One more? Yeah. 17. So let me see is 2017 is testing strong. It has something to do with either having or not having some romantic type relationship. Also just a friendship is testing strong either having or not having. So some stress there? Yeah, I could see both of those. Okay. And then but there’s also something else that we need to identify. It’s not from your family of origin. It’s not from your career. It’s not about finances, but what else may have been causing you to feel nervous.

Vicki
That’s when I moved to Oregon.

Kelli Russell 38:18
Okay. It could have just been like setting up place at a new town or something. Have to do with the move that’s testing strong being in new places.

Vicki 38:29
It was a disaster.

Kelli Russell 38:36
Okay. Let’s see. Do we need to know anything more about that in order to clear it, man, I got to know. Okay, we got to release that stuck energy okay, is this nervousness now released? Yes. All right. So let’s check how we’re doing on time here. Still doing good. I’m going to see if your subconscious knows what it looks like sounds like and feels like to listen to your own inner knowing. I got a weak response on that what your system says no.

Vicki 39:20
Can I just move in with you? 24/7

Kelli Russell 39:24
That would be interesting. I’m sure there would be a lot of champagne flowing.

Vicki 39:31
Champagne could make this all better. This would be good. Like I could do that.

Kelli Russell 39:36
But then we can’t get to that pain point and release it so I know it’s better to be able to identify it, let it go. So alright, if if you were listening to your own inner knowing what would what would you see in your life that would be different?

Vicki 39:57
If I was listening to my own inner knowing I think I would be confident and proud.

Kelli Russell 40:08
Let’s have a really specific visual. Have you ever followed Dr. Dr. Joe Dispenza, his work? He gets you into a mindset. Like he had a college age daughter that wanted to study in Italy. And he said, I want you to start to visualize this in your life. Where are you at specific in Italy? What’s going on around you? Are you standing next to a fountain? Are there people around you? You’re speaking Italian? What are you doing? What does it look like? What does it sound like? So you get like, hyper specific. Okay, so let’s get real specific.

Vicki 40:47
I would say that perfect. Like, it would literally be at the tasting room, surrounded by a core group of like girlfriends who just, they’re those girlfriends that have your back no matter what, and who are ready to celebrate you as much as you are them. In a perfect world, it would be my sister would be there. And I would actually be in a relationship with Hey, hopefully not the same, you know, a similar jerk that I was in a relationship with last time. Someone who literally like if I could pick the perfect man would be the exact opposite of what he turned into. So that would be that would be like, I could see that tasting room. So clearly, and just the happiness of the happiness of popping bubbly to celebrate people because they wandered in maybe they didn’t even know Bobby side of life is maybe they’ve never heard of it, but they see it in this, you know, passing by and they’re like, Hey, let’s go have a drink. And then they walk in and I create this giant celebration because that’s what we’re all about. And they’re like, holy crap, I just got celebrated because I walked through a door like this place is happier than Disneyland.

Kelli Russell 42:13
So let’s dive let’s dive a little deeper into this if we had a magic genie lamp, and we could rub it and say poof all your dreams come true. What kind of setting do you see this tasting room in? Are you on a beach on a tropical island? Are you in a brownstone with brick building? Does it look industrial? What what type of environment do you see this vision?

Vicki 42:39
There’s this is where I get a little cloudy because I love the water and I keep thinking like and what I love it on the water. Yes, this is where it gets a little muddy because then I don’t know where. But the key thing of this tasting room is it has to have the most amazing magical outdoor spot Okay, with like those fun lights that come draping down all year round.

Kelli Russell 43:08
Pause there. If it was a very cold environment, could this dream of this outdoor space with lightbulbs all year round? happen if it’s snowing and icing outside?

Unknown Speaker 43:21
Yeah, that’s there where there would be the hiccups and then it would either have to be a sunroom or a room that we could turn into or those new you know, the igloos that are really popular

Kelli Russell 43:31
Okay, so you’re seeing a way around that if it was a cold environment that you could accommodate? Yeah. Okay, now, could you live your whole next 10 years of your life without being near a body of water?

Vicki 43:50
Do I get to take vacations if I do it?

Kelli Russell 43:55
Yes. My tasting room is blowing up it’s like people can’t wait to get there the business is booming. So you’re taking vacations.

Vicki 44:05
I can vacation to water I’m happy if I like if you’re gonna tell me no, then no, then that’d never happen. But yeah, if I go on vacation.

Kelli Russell 44:18
Do you first see this business being more on a coast or more inland?

Vicki 44:23
This is where I get like totally stuck in my head because while I would love a coast I think sometimes when I’m picturing this I’m picturing like Oregon wine country if you’ve ever been there where it’s there’s no water because it’s Portland area right so there’s no water at that point. But there’s all this like land and beautiful views of like vines and hills can’t call mountains at that point, but maybe they are and the the I will be a bubbly side of life bubbly if it kills me. But that doesn’t mean the vines have to be in my tasting room. The vines could be anywhere and I’m using those grapes. So there’s part of me that sees that, but I don’t know if that’s because that’s what I’m used to seeing. Yeah. We’re like, you’ll get when I think of Temecula. Yeah, they’re beautiful views. And I’ve always said Temecula is perfect, except there’s no body of water.

Kelli Russell 45:27
Well, it’s 30 minutes away. Well, maybe, maybe 40. But on a good day of traffic. Good. Could you handle the taxes of California? Yes. Okay, then that crosses that out.

Vicki 45:41
Right. Totally. Like, I think California taxes would kill me.

Kelli Russell 45:45
Texas doesn’t have those. Florida doesn’t have those.

VIcki 45:51
Right. Yeah. Okay.

Kelli Russell 45:57
All right. How would you feel if you could listen to your own inner knowing? And you’re clearly guided?

Vicki 49:20
Oh, my gosh, relief.

Kelli Russell 49:24
I think it’s like trusting yourself. Right? Totally. I can trust myself. And I was just talking to somebody earlier today about this. She had made some what she believed were poor decisions in the past. So lost the ability to trust herself. But the faulty thinking there is that I’m not allowed to make mistakes. And that’s important. Because if I’m not allowed to make mistakes, and I can’t trust myself anymore. Yeah, but what if you are allowed to make mistakes? And that’s human? Then maybe you could still trust yourself? Yeah. And the mistake means missed the mark. And life is an exploration. So it’s like, wow, tried that didn’t really enjoy it. Tried that didn’t really enjoy it. Try that still looking. But it’s like, think of all these adventures you’ve been on. You know what it’s like to give away everything to sell everything and travel around with a suitcase. Yeah, so at times, I’m sure that felt frightening terror. But at times, it may have felt like liberation. You’re like, this is all I have to worry about is what’s in this bag. That’s pretty freakin cool. Yeah. But when you’re going through these experiences, you are learning, you are growing, you are gaining new understanding. By knowing what you don’t want, you have a much clearer idea now of what it is I do want. I know I didn’t like that type of gentlemen. I know what I didn’t like that. That environment. Yeah. And maybe though it was time, it was fun at times to go travel a lot. Maybe now you’re really craving setting in some deep roots. I want to community, I want to develop a business. I want people to come here and feel special, and we know each other and it becomes like a tight group. Right? So you wouldn’t have this clear knowing without those experiences pointing you in the other direction saying this is what you want. This is what you crave, right? It’s not for naught. Yeah, it all serves a purpose. So if you could somehow believe that it’s always conspiring in my favor. And even the darkest darknesses have created a greater capacity for something for understanding your own strength for understanding what you can do. You know, there’s, it’s there’s so much power there. And then you’re just like, well, what cool thing now do I wish to experience instead of like, well, I made mistakes, so I can never be trusted again.

Vicki

Right, right, right.

Kelli

I listened to the Lewis Howes podcast, he has one called the School of Greatness with over 1000 different podcasts. And he interviews the greatest greats of all types of different walks of career, anything you can imagine. And what I hear commonly when I listen is, it’s my failure, that that allowed me to be great. It’s the times that I stumbled, and I fell, and not just once. Yeah, 10 times, 100 times. You know, the people who are financial geniuses, it’s like they lost and gained everything multiple times. But through that is where they learn and develop assets and skills. And if they were never willing to take a risk, they never would have done anything great. Sure. So it’s like the greatest adversity creates the greatest greatness just has to change the framework, the way you’re looking at it. Like all of these have led me here to this path. And any path can be beautiful. I can stay here and it’s going to be beautiful. And I can choose a new town and it can be beautiful. It’s going back to the Adam Sandler. Romano tours. It’s by changing your inner state. Yeah. And then it’s just like everything becomes icing. What do I wish to explore now? Yeah. Alright, so you would feel relief? Close your eyes and get into that feeling of relief. You have relief? Because you can trust your inner knowing. Like, Oh, thank god I can. I’m hearing my system telling me what to do. And I can listen, and I know that I am allowed to make mistakes because I’m human. And that always brings me closer to some type of truth.

Vicki

I feel relieved. I can’t wait for that day when I’m like, Oh, I’m so proud of me. Like I actually did it. Because now I don’t say that very often, like I have a good month or day or week. But even when I have those, I never have once said to myself, you made the right decision at the time.  And I try I’m getting better, just being like, no, it’s fine. It’s gonna be fine. You’re not homeless, you’re fine. So I just want to be able to say I’m so proud of me. And this dream is like reality. Like when I can say this, this. My grandpa, I’ve loved him to death. Any lived with us for years, but he always used to, like we’d come home from school. And we’d say something. He’s like, what a pipe dream that is. And he was a grumpy old Italian man. And I loved him to death. But every time I think, what would Papa say right now? I think, What the hell kind of pipe dream is this you got going?

Kelli Russell 48:10
So let’s change that. I am freaking living my pipe dream. Yeah. And it is glorious. Because you know, that’s a long shot is kind of like what that means, right? Don’t even dare to dream. Right? So if you can say, You know what, I’m freaking doing it. And it is amazing, Grandpa, you would be amazed by what I’ve been able to create. But more importantly, I am so happy and grateful and thankful that I followed my dream. And I listened to that pipe dream. And here I am working each day toward it. I’m living it. Yeah. So it’s just taking what might be seen as a limiting belief, and then flipping it into a positive. To I’m going for the pipe dream. And this is me. Yeah. And be proud of yourself. Because, look what you’ve done with your life, you’ve traveled around the world with a suitcase of belongings, you are a bubbly person. You send out inspiring messages almost regularly every day that I see. I’ve known you for a couple years now. You are just a great human being. I mean, what more does it take?

Vicki 1:01:07
How do you get that through my head?

Kelli Russell 1:01:10
Just feel it, just feel it. You know? I, it’s just an inner knowing like because I am a fractal of the infinite expression of source. I simply am worthy. It’s like if you see a little kid, yeah, like, of course, you’re frickin worthy. You see the little light in their eyes and their smile. It’s not because they have to win their soccer game or because they have to get straight A’s in school, or because they have to clean up their room or because they have to share with others. It those things are the icing. Yeah, that’s cool. But it’s just you just look at that kid. And you’re like, yeah, man, you are amazing. Yeah, yes, your simple beingness You’re an incredible expression. And the more you can get, like, your own sort of weirdness, and your own idiosyncrasies and your own authenticity, that comes across even better, because you’re like, look at that kid just being themselves. Oh, my gosh. So why can’t we hold ourselves to that? Same regardless, start doing that?

Vicki 1:02:16
Yeah.

Kelli Russell 1:02:18
Let’s start today. Today. Today, I’m proud of myself. So as we end this conversation, tell me all the reasons why you’re proud of yourself. And I list of like, 10. I am so proud of myself because of what? Okay, you

Vicki 1:02:36
Know what I did today? What? I started a tik tok account, even though I didn’t want to,

Kelli Russell 1:02:41
okay. Why don’t you do it if you don’t want to do

Vicki 1:02:45
it? Because I knew for business reasons. It’s it’s a logical leap. But I was digging in my heels. I didn’t want to learn something new.

Kelli Russell 1:02:54
Let me ask you a follow up question. If you determined that it is the best thing to do for your business goals, then don’t you want to do it? Yeah. Okay, then I want to do it. Because that’s letting go of resistance. Yeah. If you continue to think, well, there’s this thing, but I don’t really like it. You’re going, I’m rubbing my fist together. There’s like a point of contention. But if you go look, I had some choices out in front of me. I choose that one because I know it’s going to be in my best and highest good. Therefore I choose it. I want it. And now that resistance goes away. Okay. All right. So now I’m proud of myself, because I’m starting a new technology. I’m entering the field that is unknown to me. Totally. Yes. And I’m going to find my way again, as a new Explorer, which you have had experience being a stranger in a new land. You’re all over this girl. You’ve been waiting for this your whole life because you’ve been here and there and everywhere. And now here you are, again, with your little suitcase filled with tools and you’re like, here I am. And it’s nice place, but I ain’t no beginner. I’ve done this before. Yeah. Okay, so you’re on tik tok. What else? Oh, yeah.

Vicki 1:04:08
Come follow me there. I need to follow up.

Kelli Russell 1:04:10
Do you have the name yet? Well, we say the life bubbly side of life on tick tock. Okay. What else are you proud of yourself for?

Vicki 1:04:17
I’m proud that I am. I am this. I don’t I’m not trying to downplay this. But I’m surviving. Yeah, like, I haven’t had a true paycheck in well over a year. And I’m surviving. And I’m pretty proud of that fact.

Kelli Russell 1:04:32
It’s amazing. Yeah, it’s

Vicki 1:04:33
quite amazing. Actually.

Kelli Russell 1:04:37
You are not homeless and I’m sure that there’s there’s something in your cupboard.

Vicki 1:04:41
There is something sketchy but there’s something

Kelli Russell 1:04:47
we can do a lot with like spaghetti. And I’ve thought about this before. It’s like, okay, I could live on bread and peanut butter for a while. Right, right.

Vicki 1:04:55
And it’s actually not a bad choice either. Delicious.

Kelli Russell 1:04:57
All right. Right, you’re surviving. What else are you proud of yourself for?

Vicki 1:05:02
I’m proud that there are days that I don’t want to work out that I think 30 minutes, go move your body for 30 minutes, and then I go do it. That makes me a very proud person. Awesome. I’m super proud that I have learned to pivot my business into hosting random corporate, bubbly tasting events, that I’m not even really sure how I got into it, but I don’t care. I’m loving it.

Kelli Russell 1:05:35
Virtual high five. That’s awesome. What else?

Vicki 1:05:41
You know what else I’m proud of? I’m proud that I mastered negotiation skills when I was in corporate. Wow. Because now when people hire me to do a bubbly tasting, I am negotiating bubbly prices for them that you wouldn’t get even if you went to the grocery store a madman sale.

Kelli Russell 1:06:01
That’s amazing. Had you not had that corporate job, you would not have that skill. So it was never a mistake. It was an awesome part of your journey. Mm hmm. Okay, we can we need five more.

Vicki 1:06:14
Okay, I’m proud. I’m proud of the teacher that I was because it has allowed me to continue to be the teacher. Like tomorrow, I’m hosting Cosina bubbly tasting for this corporation. And I didn’t know that I was the literal presenter. I thought I was gonna pop some bottles and be like, cheers. You’re tasting some strawberries.

Kelli Russell 1:06:40
You’re going to be the emcee, you’re going to be guiding the experience. walk people through you’re going to be you’re the expert in this. Yeah. I’m the expert. I’m the expert. I’m an expert in my field doing something that I love.

Vicki 1:06:56
I have no formal training like I’m not a sommelier or anything like that.

Kelli Russell 1:07:05
But you have been doing it every day of your life for a few years.

Vicki

Yeah. Maybe even longer. Probably longer.

Kelli

Yeah, that’s experience. You don’t get that in a room right now. I mean, you get in a tasting room, but it’s not just reading a book. You’re doing it! Yeah. Okay, what else?

Vicki 1:07:27
I, you know what, I’m really proud that moving back my relationship with my nephews and my sister. It was strained for a while there while I was on the West Coast, and it literally has gone back to where you wouldn’t even know it was strained at one point. Awesome. And that makes me happy.

Kelli Russell 1:07:45
And instead of going back, never going back. Now we’ve developed a new relationship going forward. That is stronger and more appreciative and more loving. That was awesome. Okay, what else?

Vicki 1:08:00
My stash of bubbly. Can I be proud of that? Yep, they got peanut butter in the shelf. But I’ll never go thirsty. I’ve also stepped out of my comfort zone with my business over the last two weeks in that I was sitting back and being like, what brand wouldn’t want to work with me? Why are they coming to me? And then I then I realized, well, they’re not coming to me, because that’s not how this works. They don’t know yet. First they go to them. Uh huh. And then then they say, Oh, hell yeah. I want to work with you bubbly side of life. Exactly. So for the for the month of February. I have literally been pitching to brands that I want to work with all month long. So awesome. And so I got my first no, and I celebrated it just as much as I celebrated my first Yes.

Kelli Russell 1:09:01
Yes. And if you can release it without any internal pain or discomfort, and just go Oh, well, your loss. People that sell say you’re going to get a million nos and the few yeses, and the more you can get over those nos the better. All right. Let’s do one more I’m proud of myself. I want one about your personality. What are you proud of yourself? Just by simply the way Vicky is.

Vicki 1:09:32
I do think that I have come a long way personally, that everything used to be cynical. I used to blame Chicago like Chicago was just full of cynics and naysayers and the glass is always half empty. And I think I have come a long way from from that to being like that, that didn’t that didn’t have to be and it doesn’t have to be and that can be your reality was not my reality. And I have good days and bad days. But I would say that there are more good days where I’m feeling pretty confident. And pretty like, you got this like it’s yours to create. You create your life how you want it.

Kelli Russell 1:10:29
next questions for you to ponder later on, what would it take for me to be happy? Or content or a lack of internal conflict? What would just be simply being peaceful? What would it take for me to have that each day?

That’s your next question to ponder. Okay.

Once you figure that out, girl, everything else clicks into place.

Vicki 1:10:59
Is there a release you can do to click to book another session for that? Is there a new code that you can do to unlock it?

Kelli Russell 1:11:12
For now to start asking yourself that question, because when you ask your brain a better question, it starts to try to come up with the reasons. So if you went to bed with that question each night and you wake up in the morning with that question, your brain is going to try to solve the equation and look for reasons. Start there, okay. And thank you so much for meeting with me today. It’s always a delight to see you talk with you have any sort of experience with you. If anybody is resonating with your dream reach out to you. Instagram, I think probably would be super easy. So just DM @bubblysideoflife. Who knows, maybe you’ll get some type of collaboration. That’s right, would be awesome. Oh, and releasing those trapped emotions. Hopefully, you’re going to notice a little bit more clarity. And just having a clear direction, but I think we got a lot of great ideas and stuff going generating today. Yeah, see the picture a little bit clearer. Yeah. And you can call out your mom and ask her to move those appliances. No matter what. Even if you stay or go.

Vicki 1:12:26
That is true.

Kelli Russell 1:12:29
All right. Well, thank you so much for being on today. And yeah, thank you everybody for listening. And if you’re watching the video, thanks for watching.

Vicki 1:12:41
Thank you.