Stop Blaming & Get Beneath the Bruise

When we feel bad, a protection mechanism of the ego kicks in that causes us to quickly look outside of ourselves at the nearest thing, or person to blame. We get this immediate sense of [false] power. But for true healing to occur, we’ve got to stop blaming and get beneath the bruise.

You Made Me Feel…!!!

  • You made me lose my temper
  • You triggered my anxiety
  • You made me feel worthless

When something hurts us, we want to point the finger outward, but the truth is that our feelings are hurt because of a bruise that’s already there.

When someone pokes the bruise, it’s our opportunity to look underneath and ask why it bothered us so much. Once it is revealed, we have the opportunity to receive any learnings from it and let it go, or change something.

When someone does or says something that causes a bad-feeling reaction within you, here’s what to do to stop blaming and get beneath the bruise:

1. Look inside and ask why that hurts. Ask, “What’s underneath that?” and “Why does it bother me?” and “Is there something underlying that?”

2. Ask if some part of it is true. (look deep here as well)

3. Decide what you want to want to do with this information. Do you want to change something about yourself? If it is not true, do you want to have a conversation with the other person about it or change something about the relationship?

4. Take positive action if you believe it’d be helpful.

When you allow someone else to dictate how you feel…you give away your personal power.

Though we have a tendency to look outside of ourselves, the answer is almost always found within.

Be aware of the thoughts that you let in. You are the gatekeeper to the beliefs that you hold about yourself, and you have the power to choose how you wish to react.


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Kelli Russell

Kelli Russell is a psychological kinesiologist who helps people shift out of stress and anxiety into a state of inner balance and freedom through subconscious change facilitation, positive mindset training, and emotional energy healing.